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BrainRot

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Day 27

Been dealing with a lot of depression still and anxiety seems elevated most of the day. It doesn't help that my wife and my daughter are both home for the next month due to coronavirus.

Just having them around is making me more irritable than usual. I've been eating more than usual the past month and have gained about 5lbs. 

 

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Day 34

I didn't realize it has been a week since I've written on here. I feel spacier than usual. More forgetful.

I have been experiencing some trouble going back to sleep after waking up around 1 or 3 am. That's the time of the day that my mind wants to contemplate life and scare myself about existence. I'm still depressed half the time. I still have thoughts of ending things.

Half the time I feel like screaming. I feel like I'm crawling in my own skin. 

I will wait 4 more weeks then decide what to do. 

 

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Day 35 - Dosage increase

Yesterday after writing my post to the forums here I decided to also write to my Dr.

Since I am still on a low dose they decided to up my dosage to 30mg. 

I'll keep updating here with my progress. 

 

 

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Thanks for updating and still battling. Its a strange time to start a recovery for us both.  probably when we need more social inclusion,  interaction to aid healing,  we have  pandemic isolation.Hope your increased dosage gives good results

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Hi BrainRot!  I often have GutRot so I should consider that as my forum name in the future.🙂  I have found that my stomach health does affect my mood/depression which I think I read about somewhere so it seems appropriate...

Anyway, I know our cases are different but you do remind me of me to some degree when I started prozac.  The first month was a roller coaster but I took comfort in the intermittent moments  when I felt the depression lifted and I DID on occasion have a few fleeting feelings of euphoria which I describe as, "everything feels right in that moment".  I hadn't had those feelings in so long that I thought I would never again.  I gave credit for their return to prozac.   It was definitely over a month before I could say there was a consistency to my improved feelings.  In my case, not getting that pang of anxiety in my stomach several times a day was the sign I kept reminding myself of.  If I did get those anxiety pangs, they were spaced very far apart and I could smother it quickly.  I loved the new me (which I think I posted here).   I can't say life was perfect or I was walking on clouds all the time, but so much better.  So much.  I could look forward to the future and (it's hard to even type this next part) not allow myself to go to that place where I felt it might be easier to just be done with this life.  That is not a good place to be as I'm sure you know.

I stayed on 10mg the whole time.  Prozac is so slow to act, and like you, I was so worried about the side effects I was very reluctant to move up if I didn't have to.  In reality I had little side effects.  Enough to know I was on this med, but not disabling.  The worst one was a regular level of dizziness, my balance was just off.  I know it can effect everyone differently so my experience may just be my own.

I hope you are starting to have those moments of, "better" and that this med works for you.  

(I'm about to type about going off prozac.  I know it might seem odd considering how I just went on and on about it's greatness, but I always thought of this as a reset and I feel, "reset", and ready to try this new me under my own power.)

Best Wishes BrainRot!  GutRot

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46 minutes ago, JessieJake said:

Hi BrainRot!  I often have GutRot so I should consider that as my forum name in the future.🙂  I have found that my stomach health does affect my mood/depression which I think I read about somewhere so it seems appropriate...

Anyway, I know our cases are different but you do remind me of me to some degree when I started prozac.  The first month was a roller coaster but I took comfort in the intermittent moments  when I felt the depression lifted and I DID on occasion have a few fleeting feelings of euphoria which I describe as, "everything feels right in that moment".  I hadn't had those feelings in so long that I thought I would never again.  I gave credit for their return to prozac.   It was definitely over a month before I could say there was a consistency to my improved feelings.  In my case, not getting that pang of anxiety in my stomach several times a day was the sign I kept reminding myself of.  If I did get those anxiety pangs, they were spaced very far apart and I could smother it quickly.  I loved the new me (which I think I posted here).   I can't say life was perfect or I was walking on clouds all the time, but so much better.  So much.  I could look forward to the future and (it's hard to even type this next part) not allow myself to go to that place where I felt it might be easier to just be done with this life.  That is not a good place to be as I'm sure you know.

I stayed on 10mg the whole time.  Prozac is so slow to act, and like you, I was so worried about the side effects I was very reluctant to move up if I didn't have to.  In reality I had little side effects.  Enough to know I was on this med, but not disabling.  The worst one was a regular level of dizziness, my balance was just off.  I know it can effect everyone differently so my experience may just be my own.

I hope you are starting to have those moments of, "better" and that this med works for you.  

(I'm about to type about going off prozac.  I know it might seem odd considering how I just went on and on about it's greatness, but I always thought of this as a reset and I feel, "reset", and ready to try this new me under my own power.)

Best Wishes BrainRot!  GutRot

Thank you for your post JessieJake(GutRot)! I just now had a feeling of contentment. I noticed that the weather outside very much plays a roll in how I feel. If it's a dark grey day I'm more likely to be depressed. When the sun comes out from behind the clouds I suddenly feel like everything is going to be okay. I live near Seattle so the depressing weather just isn't good for me. 

I know what you mean about that pang in the stomach. I do feel that with Prozac my anxiety has gone down tremendously. The few times that I went out shopping I didn't have a sense of panic or anger in the store like I usually do. When I talk to others I feel just a little more free to speak my mind. 

Today is day 38.

 

 

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Day 39

I walked 4 miles this morning and I'm feeling pretty good today so far. Anxiety is nearly non-existent when talking to people. 

As far as anxiety goes this medication works very well for me. Hopefully my baseline increases for depression. 

 

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Hi again BrainRot,  Let's focus on Day 39.  That is so awesome! 4 miles! It's amazing what the outdoors can do.  I find even if I can force myself on yucky weather days to get out and breathe in that fresh air even briefly I feel more connected to the earth and content to some degree.  That must have been a light-feeling day for you! I hope you got that flutter of happiness at some point that day.

Interesting you mentioned shopping or going out in public.  I also have/had issues with shopping - such anxiety that I often would just skip it and stay home.  In reality, I think it's just the outdoors that help more anyway - at least for me.  

Seattle - love it!  We went to that area in June a number of years ago.  Guess what? It rained every day!  We had packed all our rain gear and spent so much of our time in the rain.  We laughed at ourselves as all the locals didn't even bother with rain gear!  I guess you get used to being wet.   But, yes, that weather can just be a mirror of our feelings sometimes.  Winter months here and the darkness are hard for me.  The motivation to get all dressed up and go out into that weather - exhausting!  Probably geeky sounding but I love when I do get outside on a really crappy day because it's like I'm saying, "f* you!" to the weather and I win.

If I can make a little suggestion without making it sound like I know anything at all - take it one step at a time 🙂  One bad day, one bad hour, one bad moment doesn't erase a great day or the great 4 mile walk or the shopping trip where you felt, "ok".  Those are the races you won and you get to stand on the podium and take in the accolades for that.  Plus, you can focus on those memories and rerun them in your brain as often as you like!

Hope Day 41 goes more like day 39 even if it's just some moments!  

And perhaps the rest of Day 40 will have a bit of a shine to it, too. (if only in your mind 'cuz I don't know what the weather is doing in Seattle right now)

GutRot

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Day 42

Unfortunately I spent most of yesterday looking at pictures of people that have hanged themselves. I started a strict diet yesterday because I feel that a lot of my depression stems from being overweight and having a negative self image.

I'm a bit of a loner and being forced to stay at home with my wife, mother in law, and kid are taking their toll. 

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Yep. Quarantine with our loved ones can be stressful.  It's ok to be a loner (introvert or whatever the best term is) and now is a great time to play with new diet/menu ideas - perhaps you can find some inspiration for cooking online. 

I will send positive thoughts your way 🙂

 

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Am I being impatient by thinking that this stuff should be working by now? I’m realizing that I still spend most of my time depressed with thoughts of suicide. Is it possible that this particular medication just doesn’t work for me? I feel like it’s making me worse. Is that even possible? How long does this take?

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Day 49 - Dosage increase

Spoke to the doctor yesterday. Since it has been 2 weeks at 30mg and I'm still depressed most of the time we agreed to increase the dosage to 60mg. 

Just took 60mg about an hour ago. 

Hoping that I don't have to fight being so tired today. 

Gotta give it another 2 weeks. 

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Day 56 

Still depressed and thoughts of suicide most of the day.

I'm going to give it a few more days then ask the doctor if I can taper off and try something else.

I can't imagine that 80mg would suddenly turn things around. 

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Hi,  good luck with your new medication and thanks for posting here.  I too have increased my prozac dose without sucess.  I think prozac for me at the lowered dose has brightened my mood a bit at times but not consistantly.  I think its strange times in enforced isolation so difficult to judge how well we are.

I use meditaion and mindfulness to help elivate symptoms.  eg if you can remember how you felt when you when for a walk in the sunshine,   you could try to bring that feeling to mind during meditation.

Also maybe your gp has told you and from my personal experience,  changing doses of antidepressants can affect mood and  can take quite a while to get into the bloodstream.  this is the same aas for new medication.  Good luck and be well.

 

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  • 1 month later...

I contacted my doctor's office shortly after quitting the Lexapro and told them that I wasn't going to take any more antidepressants until after I check my vitamin levels, hormone levels, and thyroid levels. 

I discovered that I have a vitamin deficiency and thyroid issue caused by Hashimoto's. My immune system is attacking my thyroid which leads to depression and fatigue. All of my other systems suddenly made sense as well. I will go back in soon and do another blood test then go from there.

I urge anyone reading this, please get these three things checked if you are depressed. Just to rule it out. I wasted a lot of time trying Wellbutrin, Zoloft, 5HTP, St. John's, Prozac and Lexapro. I wasted a lot of time thinking I was crazy. 

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  • 10 months later...
Posted (edited)
18 hours ago, WilliamTgs said:

Poor you

Friend, I'm sorry for you. But no need to think about suicidal thoughts. I hope you are well and all is well with you. I, too, once had pneumonia and did not want to live. And all because of the fact that he did not monitor his health and constantly smoked cigarettes. And I should have been checked every few months, or at least once a year. My best friend told me to use special software to monitor my health www.iinsight.biz , but I didn't listen to him. As a result, I was sick for more than three months, and I didn't want to live anymore, but I still beat this disease, and now I feel excellent, you can do it too!

Edited by WilliamTgs
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