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BrainRot

New to FLU dude.

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Day 27

Been dealing with a lot of depression still and anxiety seems elevated most of the day. It doesn't help that my wife and my daughter are both home for the next month due to coronavirus.

Just having them around is making me more irritable than usual. I've been eating more than usual the past month and have gained about 5lbs. 

 

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Day 34

I didn't realize it has been a week since I've written on here. I feel spacier than usual. More forgetful.

I have been experiencing some trouble going back to sleep after waking up around 1 or 3 am. That's the time of the day that my mind wants to contemplate life and scare myself about existence. I'm still depressed half the time. I still have thoughts of ending things.

Half the time I feel like screaming. I feel like I'm crawling in my own skin. 

I will wait 4 more weeks then decide what to do. 

 

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Day 35 - Dosage increase

Yesterday after writing my post to the forums here I decided to also write to my Dr.

Since I am still on a low dose they decided to up my dosage to 30mg. 

I'll keep updating here with my progress. 

 

 

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Thanks for updating and still battling. Its a strange time to start a recovery for us both.  probably when we need more social inclusion,  interaction to aid healing,  we have  pandemic isolation.Hope your increased dosage gives good results

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Hi BrainRot!  I often have GutRot so I should consider that as my forum name in the future.🙂  I have found that my stomach health does affect my mood/depression which I think I read about somewhere so it seems appropriate...

Anyway, I know our cases are different but you do remind me of me to some degree when I started prozac.  The first month was a roller coaster but I took comfort in the intermittent moments  when I felt the depression lifted and I DID on occasion have a few fleeting feelings of euphoria which I describe as, "everything feels right in that moment".  I hadn't had those feelings in so long that I thought I would never again.  I gave credit for their return to prozac.   It was definitely over a month before I could say there was a consistency to my improved feelings.  In my case, not getting that pang of anxiety in my stomach several times a day was the sign I kept reminding myself of.  If I did get those anxiety pangs, they were spaced very far apart and I could smother it quickly.  I loved the new me (which I think I posted here).   I can't say life was perfect or I was walking on clouds all the time, but so much better.  So much.  I could look forward to the future and (it's hard to even type this next part) not allow myself to go to that place where I felt it might be easier to just be done with this life.  That is not a good place to be as I'm sure you know.

I stayed on 10mg the whole time.  Prozac is so slow to act, and like you, I was so worried about the side effects I was very reluctant to move up if I didn't have to.  In reality I had little side effects.  Enough to know I was on this med, but not disabling.  The worst one was a regular level of dizziness, my balance was just off.  I know it can effect everyone differently so my experience may just be my own.

I hope you are starting to have those moments of, "better" and that this med works for you.  

(I'm about to type about going off prozac.  I know it might seem odd considering how I just went on and on about it's greatness, but I always thought of this as a reset and I feel, "reset", and ready to try this new me under my own power.)

Best Wishes BrainRot!  GutRot

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46 minutes ago, JessieJake said:

Hi BrainRot!  I often have GutRot so I should consider that as my forum name in the future.🙂  I have found that my stomach health does affect my mood/depression which I think I read about somewhere so it seems appropriate...

Anyway, I know our cases are different but you do remind me of me to some degree when I started prozac.  The first month was a roller coaster but I took comfort in the intermittent moments  when I felt the depression lifted and I DID on occasion have a few fleeting feelings of euphoria which I describe as, "everything feels right in that moment".  I hadn't had those feelings in so long that I thought I would never again.  I gave credit for their return to prozac.   It was definitely over a month before I could say there was a consistency to my improved feelings.  In my case, not getting that pang of anxiety in my stomach several times a day was the sign I kept reminding myself of.  If I did get those anxiety pangs, they were spaced very far apart and I could smother it quickly.  I loved the new me (which I think I posted here).   I can't say life was perfect or I was walking on clouds all the time, but so much better.  So much.  I could look forward to the future and (it's hard to even type this next part) not allow myself to go to that place where I felt it might be easier to just be done with this life.  That is not a good place to be as I'm sure you know.

I stayed on 10mg the whole time.  Prozac is so slow to act, and like you, I was so worried about the side effects I was very reluctant to move up if I didn't have to.  In reality I had little side effects.  Enough to know I was on this med, but not disabling.  The worst one was a regular level of dizziness, my balance was just off.  I know it can effect everyone differently so my experience may just be my own.

I hope you are starting to have those moments of, "better" and that this med works for you.  

(I'm about to type about going off prozac.  I know it might seem odd considering how I just went on and on about it's greatness, but I always thought of this as a reset and I feel, "reset", and ready to try this new me under my own power.)

Best Wishes BrainRot!  GutRot

Thank you for your post JessieJake(GutRot)! I just now had a feeling of contentment. I noticed that the weather outside very much plays a roll in how I feel. If it's a dark grey day I'm more likely to be depressed. When the sun comes out from behind the clouds I suddenly feel like everything is going to be okay. I live near Seattle so the depressing weather just isn't good for me. 

I know what you mean about that pang in the stomach. I do feel that with Prozac my anxiety has gone down tremendously. The few times that I went out shopping I didn't have a sense of panic or anger in the store like I usually do. When I talk to others I feel just a little more free to speak my mind. 

Today is day 38.

 

 

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Day 39

I walked 4 miles this morning and I'm feeling pretty good today so far. Anxiety is nearly non-existent when talking to people. 

As far as anxiety goes this medication works very well for me. Hopefully my baseline increases for depression. 

 

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Day 40. Nothing but dark thoughts this morning since I woke up. Can't stop thinking of different methods and acting out.

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Hi again BrainRot,  Let's focus on Day 39.  That is so awesome! 4 miles! It's amazing what the outdoors can do.  I find even if I can force myself on yucky weather days to get out and breathe in that fresh air even briefly I feel more connected to the earth and content to some degree.  That must have been a light-feeling day for you! I hope you got that flutter of happiness at some point that day.

Interesting you mentioned shopping or going out in public.  I also have/had issues with shopping - such anxiety that I often would just skip it and stay home.  In reality, I think it's just the outdoors that help more anyway - at least for me.  

Seattle - love it!  We went to that area in June a number of years ago.  Guess what? It rained every day!  We had packed all our rain gear and spent so much of our time in the rain.  We laughed at ourselves as all the locals didn't even bother with rain gear!  I guess you get used to being wet.   But, yes, that weather can just be a mirror of our feelings sometimes.  Winter months here and the darkness are hard for me.  The motivation to get all dressed up and go out into that weather - exhausting!  Probably geeky sounding but I love when I do get outside on a really crappy day because it's like I'm saying, "f* you!" to the weather and I win.

If I can make a little suggestion without making it sound like I know anything at all - take it one step at a time 🙂  One bad day, one bad hour, one bad moment doesn't erase a great day or the great 4 mile walk or the shopping trip where you felt, "ok".  Those are the races you won and you get to stand on the podium and take in the accolades for that.  Plus, you can focus on those memories and rerun them in your brain as often as you like!

Hope Day 41 goes more like day 39 even if it's just some moments!  

And perhaps the rest of Day 40 will have a bit of a shine to it, too. (if only in your mind 'cuz I don't know what the weather is doing in Seattle right now)

GutRot

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Day 42

Unfortunately I spent most of yesterday looking at pictures of people that have hanged themselves. I started a strict diet yesterday because I feel that a lot of my depression stems from being overweight and having a negative self image.

I'm a bit of a loner and being forced to stay at home with my wife, mother in law, and kid are taking their toll. 

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Yep. Quarantine with our loved ones can be stressful.  It's ok to be a loner (introvert or whatever the best term is) and now is a great time to play with new diet/menu ideas - perhaps you can find some inspiration for cooking online. 

I will send positive thoughts your way 🙂

 

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Day 45

With all of the negativity in the news lately I'm trying to stay positive. It's been a little difficult. 

Feeling better today and yesterday. 

 

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Am I being impatient by thinking that this stuff should be working by now? I’m realizing that I still spend most of my time depressed with thoughts of suicide. Is it possible that this particular medication just doesn’t work for me? I feel like it’s making me worse. Is that even possible? How long does this take?

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