Extremely Depressed about never having a girlfriend

[Bruinsrock11]

I am 25 and never had a girlfriend. I've been on POF and OkCupid for 7 years. The women on there talk with me for 3 months then they agree to a date only to cancel it 24 hours before it happens then blocked me with no explanation. I am afraid to talk to women in real life because of my Asperger's.

But anyway I have major depression because of this.  I actually fear that I will never find that special someone in life. Its actually eating me up inside.

[sober4life]

You're reaching out to strangers right now about an uncomfortable subject so you have it in you to talk to women in real life.  You just have to believe in yourself.

[Floor2017]

7 hours ago, Bruinsrock11 said:

I am 25 and never had a girlfriend. I've been on POF and OkCupid for 7 years. The women on there talk with me for 3 months then they agree to a date only to cancel it 24 hours before it happens then blocked me with no explanation. I am afraid to talk to women in real life because of my Asperger's.

But anyway I have major depression because of this.  I actually fear that I will never find that special someone in life. Its actually eating me up inside.

Wow, my friend try to stay optimistic about finding that special someone.

Staying positive will give you a better chance of getting a gf because most

girls like a positive person and it even help them to look at things in a different way.

[Floor2017]

3 minutes ago, sober4life said:

You're reaching out to strangers right now about an uncomfortable subject so you have it in you to talk to women in real life.  You just have to believe in yourself.

Amen, you have already taken the first step now just continue to move forward and

it's just a matter of time before everything for you will  begin to change.

[Shijima]

13 minutes ago, sober4life said:

You're reaching out to strangers right now about an uncomfortable subject so you have it in you to talk to women in real life.  You just have to believe in yourself.

I agree with her as well. 

[Tid322]

Have you tried getting yourself out there socially into something you’re otherwise interested in? It could be a good starting point. Example: if you like reading, maybe join a book club. You’ll get into a social interaction where “dating” or “finding a gf” isn’t your main objective and can allow you to relax a little bit perhaps. And as you interact more with the group, you may feel more and more comfortable and less anxious or self conscious, which could inevitably lead you to finding that special someone.

 I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. If it’s any consolation, everyone I know that have used those types of sites, NT or not, have told me of similar issues. I am wishing you the very best!

[Shijima]

3 minutes ago, Tid322 said:

Have you tried getting yourself out there socially into something you’re otherwise interested in? It could be a good starting point. Example: if you like reading, maybe join a book club. You’ll get into a social interaction where “dating” or “finding a gf” isn’t your main objective and can allow you to relax a little bit perhaps. And as you interact more with the group, you may feel more and more comfortable and less anxious or self conscious, which could inevitably lead you to finding that special someone.

 I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. If it’s any consolation, everyone I know that have used those types of sites, NT or not, have told me of similar issues. I am wishing you the very best!

I agree with Tid as well.

Perhaps focus on yourself for a while and getting out there in other things your interested in. Then who knows you'll end up meeting someone perhaps as well. Something I learned and is very true is this: If you don't love and care for yourself you first you truly can't love another person. Harsh maybe but it is true. You couldn't give it your all and very best to someone if you didn't love yourself first. Love is nice and a wonderful thing to have. Having that special someone in your life though it's not all that important I think in my opinion at least. Or at least how society thinks you should have one to  fit in or be normal.  I suggest  take care of you first and find love and joy in your life without focusing so much on finding the one right now. It will happen it when it does. People can't make you happy and better, only you can make your happiness happen. 

[camilo]

Does anyone truly love themselves? I think we all have self criticisms that make it almost impossible to love yourself. Maybe I'm wrong.

Edited February 24, 2020 by camilo

[RichW]

I was older than you when I got with my first girlfriend. There are a million and one cliches out there, there's someone for everyone, it'll happen when you least expect it etc but they wouldn't be cliches if there weren't some truth to em. It'll happen, and it might happen again and again and again. When it does, be careful. Your future girlfriend won't be a miracle worker, she won't cure depression, she's only human. 

[sober4life]

On 2/24/2020 at 1:48 PM, camilo said:

Does anyone truly love themselves? I think we all have self criticisms that make it almost impossible to love yourself. Maybe I'm wrong.

I've pretty much hated myself my whole life.  All the negative things my brain says to me aren't just depression.  They're true.

[Evergreenforst4]

I have had a lot of success dating as a guy. Basically I jumped through all the hoops women want and never complained as long as money was not involved.

Just try to workout really hard, use cosmetics, good hygiene and follow all the guides. Treat women like they are special and show respect to them. If you get upset control your temper anger just burns bridges gets people no where in serious relationships. People have free will and that needs to be respected so sometimes you have to be willing to jump through the hoops they have in all honesty that is what I did and just kept working out really hard.

[TrytoFly]

On 3/3/2020 at 2:02 AM, Evergreenforst4 said:

I have had a lot of success dating as a guy. Basically I jumped through all the hoops women want and never complained as long as money was not involved.

Just try to workout really hard, use cosmetics, good hygiene and follow all the guides. Treat women like they are special and show respect to them. If you get upset control your temper anger just burns bridges gets people no where in serious relationships. People have free will and that needs to be respected so sometimes you have to be willing to jump through the hoops they have in all honesty that is what I did and just kept working out really hard.

I’m not attracted to chiseled guys but appreciate more a softer body.

I’m not sure if I’m alone in this but if he can’t get around to working out it is possible that if he remains open and keeps placing himself in situations where he is likely to meet women he might find someone who likes him just the way he is with time.

[Prycejosh1987]

On 2/23/2020 at 9:13 AM, Bruinsrock11 said:

I am 25 and never had a girlfriend. I've been on POF and OkCupid for 7 years. The women on there talk with me for 3 months then they agree to a date only to cancel it 24 hours before it happens then blocked me with no explanation. I am afraid to talk to women in real life because of my Asperger's.

But anyway I have major depression because of this.  I actually fear that I will never find that special someone in life. Its actually eating me up inside.

I truly love myself. When you truly love yourself, there is no one that can put you down and nothing that can stop you accomplishing your dreams. Loving yourself does come through its problems. Well that is what happened to me. Just keep trying and be more persuasive in asking a girl out. I spoke to a girl online for 2 years and it was my brother that spoke on my behalf got the date. the girl was extremely nervous and cautious and she brought 2 friends with her on the date. I brought my brother. Despite that we had some alone time. We kept talking but the relationship fell apart because i felt things were one sided. She does have a stuffed toy monkey that reminds her of me though.