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Hello there, 

I'm very happy to join this forum. 

I don't really know where to start but here I go :

My journey with depression started in March 2017 after I lost my life savings in a scam. Ever since then I have been struggling with anxiety, depression stress and all what comes with it from memory loss, brain fog and low self-esteem. 

I have tried online therapy, medication and consultation with no real relief of the symptoms. 

I'm really afraid that I have lost my mind, and terrified of losing my job and living in debt forever and ever. I feel that everyone have surpassed me and I'm living alone in my own misribil world. 

I'm 33 years old with a broken mind, heart and soul. Living every day as the previous one and believe that this is a punishment for my bad deeds. 

I have no friends and am struggling with myself, work and my dark future. 

I want a fresh start start but I'm surprisingly concerned about what other people would think about me and fearful of them knowing what I have been through. Even with all my breaks in life I still try to show everyone around me that I'm OK and actually doing very well in my life. I really wonder why I lie to others even though they probably have there own worries in life and don't really think that much about me. 

Will this ever end, or should I accept it as part of life and let go. 

 

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Hi Na15,

I was ill yesterday and only saw your post today.  Sorry for the late reply.

What you are going through is really heartbreaking.  I wish I knew what to say that would help.

These Forums are seen by many people from around the world. 

And people have told me that posts like the one you wrote about your life have not only helped people to feel less isolated and alone with their own personal anguish and pain, but have actually saved their lives when everything was going wrong.  Saved their lives! 

So I know your post will help many readers from all over the world who follow these Forums; most of whom are not members and never respond to posts. 

There is an old saying that goes:  "Whoever helps to save a single life, it is as if that person had saved the entire world."  I think you are such a person. 

Helping someone is one of the greatest if not the greatest kind of thing a person can accomplish in life, so I can only look up to you in respect, admiration and gratitude.  To be quite honest, your post has helped me today since so many things have been going wrong in my own life.  I think you are very heroic!

I only hope that these Forums will be of some help to you. 

Apologies again for not responding to your post yesterday, but I was so sick.

-- Epictetus

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Dear, dear @Epictetus,

My goodness, I am so fortunate to have you on my staff.  And I am wondering, what has made you so wise?

You my dear friend are invaluable.

:nod:

Thank you for being here all these years.  

I have not thank you enough.

:icon12:

~Lindsay

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Thank you so much @Epictetus

I wish you health, wealth and eternal happiness. 

I really appreciate your kind words. I am really glad that you replied to me it really made me happy. 

I really need to hear positive things these days. I'm currently in a real bad place and wish that no one ever get to this point in their lives. 

I wish for peace of mind for a couple of hours and not drain on these horrible negative thoughts. 

I keep reminding myself that this time shall pass and one day I will be victorious

 

 

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Welcome! Thanks for being brave enough to reach out to us and share what is going on. I find depression can do awful things to my thinking and attitude that are hard for me to overcome without help and support. So don't be hard on yourself. Depression can be an illness that you didn't cause. Negative thoughts are part of this illness. Yet it can get better. So don't lose hope. Many of us find it easier to pretend we are okay because others just don't understand. We are here to support you as best we can. So keep reading and posting. It may take awhile to get responses as we all have a lot going on. So please hang in there with us.

BW

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Thank you for your kind words 

I have really been inspired by the stories I have read and the remarkable support of the community. 

 

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Hello @Na15. I read your narrative and I'm very sorry about the unfortunate event which seems to have triggered the decline in your mental health. It takes courage to put your problems out where others will see them and I want you to know I think you did a good job turning your insides out. 

Maybe belonging to this community will help reduce some of your feelings that everyone has surpassed you or that you're broken. We can try to remind you that feelings aren't facts. It's nice to know that you found inspiration in what you've read here, thank you for letting us know that. 

On 2/22/2020 at 11:02 PM, Na15 said:

Will this ever end, or should I accept it as part of life and let go. 

It can get much better. Healing the mind, body and soul requires experimenting, curiosity, learning what works for you. It's a fascinating and exciting undertaking! For me it involved rediscovering or reclaiming bits of myself that were taken, lost.

Acceptance is absolutely a component in recovery: Who I am now is acceptable and worthy of love and as I continue to improve I will still be just as acceptable and worthy of love. Can you feel any truth to that statement?

I'm not able to give you answers but I hope I can support you where you're at in your journey. 

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Thank you for your kind words 

I believe the most difficult part is facing this horrible situation alone, no one really understands what you are facing and believe that you are being dramatic and seeking attention. 

I'm trying to keep myself occupied but don't really know what I should be doing. Everyone seems to have a purpose in life except me and that just makes me more terrified of the future. 

I found salvation in prayer, but I get back to where I am afterwards. 

I really know in the bottom of my heart that I can win this war but just need a breakthrough in my life. 

 

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Hey, Na15, I'm so sorry to hear that you was scammed with your life saving.  But

even though this bad thing happen to you it shall past and you will be able to help

so, many people from your very own life experience.  Hang in there my friend and I

know something good will come from this.  May God bless you and continue to pour

out His blessings upon you.   

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