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So, um, hello. My name is Skye. I was a close friend of Nyla's long ago and she entrusted me with a lot of passwords.

Nyla, or PraiseBrownies as you knew her is no longer with us. 

She told me within a note that she had been tired of being constantly abused by that stupid ex fiance of hers and her parents and tired of being bullied by her peers who blamed her for the abuse.

Forgive me for my formality, to be truthful I don't know how to feel. I lost touch with her a year or two ago and now I'm suddenly attending her funeral (not literally right now). 

I'll answer any questions you may have.

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hello Skye, I'm glad to see you post here but terribly sorry for the circumstance. It seems as though your friend, Nyla, was going through a lot of turmoil and experiencing some trauma in her relationships across the board...it must have been quite a shock to discover that she was gone...i have experienced this type of loss myself, and please try to remember that her choice in no way was any fault of yours....that guilt will try to creep into the grieving process.

not knowing how to feel is quite acceptable, let yourself be open to all the feelings that follow such a loss and I'd like to encourage you to continue visiting us here at DF and sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences...reach out when you need to...someone is always listening here...I wish you peace and understanding.

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Just now, PraiseBrownies said:

Nyla, or PraiseBrownies as you knew her is no longer with us. 

Thanks Skye, for taking time to post the sad news.  Condolences to you and all her friends here.

Bulgakov

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Forgive me for my ignorance, but did this just happen? I mean, she was just posting here...that was her, right? (I feel stupid for even asking, I just want to put a name to a "username". know what I mean?)

I'm also truly sorry for your loss. If she entrusted you with her passwords and such, you two must have been very close and that's a very special thing, but also a hard loss. Like Jenerator said, it's in no way your fault, so I hope you don't go there. And yes, it's perfectly normal not to know how to feel or process things right now. Give it some time. I'll also echo the notion that you should feel free to post here as much as you'd like. It would actually be nice to still have a part of Nyla around, but Skye, you have to do you too. If it's all too much, I completely understand. This is very sad news. I didn't really talk to her directly very much, but I had been reading her posts over the past few months and feel a loss myself. So, hugs and condolences and like Bulgakov said, to all her friends and loved ones. <3

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She was such a sweet person.  She was one of the good ones and the world destroyed her.  The whole situation makes me so angry I want to smash this computer into a million pieces!

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This is quite devastating news I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no words. I felt as if I didn’t do enough for her. I knew she was suffering and she called the suicide hotline but even that didn’t help her. You must be feeling so much worse. How I wish the world is more understanding to people like us. It’s such a limited place this forum is how much we can let others know how we feel and yet there’s not much we can do to reach out if the real life is just too much. 
 

I hope you find peace and don’t blame yourself for anything cos we all do our best and life just happens. Let us know a bit more of yourself and if you need help we are here to listen. 

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Oh no. This is awful. I'm very sorry for your loss, which is also our loss. It's like losing a member of your family because you start to know the person from what they write about.

I'm very saddened by this news. As @sober4lifesaid, another sweet & sensitive person is now gone because of what this world does to "good people."

Thanks for letting us know.

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I’m f*cking disgusted, fed up, worn out.  She’s the SIXTH friend I’ve lost since August.  I’m so f*cking sick of it.  It’s just been ceaseless.  I just don’t have f*cking bandwidth for any more of this shit.  I really don’t.

I must admit that Nyla & I talked some through PM.  As of about a week ago, she stopped responding.  I knew exactly what the writing on the wall said.  I saw this coming, as much as I hate to say it.  Once again, though, absolutely nothing I could f*cking do about it.  Same old.  Deja vú all over again.  So f*cking tired of this.

I’m so tired of telling friends that “I just lost another friend”.  I’m sick of it happening, I’m sick of feeling this shit & I’m f*ckin’-A sick of talking about it.  I have no more bandwidth for this shit.

I’m sure this will come across as cold, unfeeling & angry, but frankly, that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.  Is what it is.  Maybe when I’ve had a little time for this to sink in I’ll be able to make a post that’s a little more like me.

Adam

(p.s. - Forgot to mention that my uncle died last month too.  So yeah, that one too.  Never-ending.)

Edited by adamrparr

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3 hours ago, jenerator said:

i have experienced this type of loss myself, and please try to remember that her choice in no way was any fault of yours....that guilt will try to creep into the grieving process.

I'm trying not to blame myself. I was the one who stopped responding to her a year or two ago and I'm trying not to blame myself for not keeping in touch with her.

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2 hours ago, anxiousE said:

Forgive me for my ignorance, but did this just happen? I mean, she was just posting here...that was her, right?

She passed last Friday. I've been posting a little bit under her handle but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

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3 minutes ago, PraiseBrownies said:

She passed last Friday. I've been posting a little bit under her handle but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

That’s exactly the right thing to do.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

She was such a sweet person.  She was one of the good ones and the world destroyed her.  The whole situation makes me so angry I want to smash this computer into a million pieces!

 

32 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

another sweet & sensitive person is now gone because of what this world does to "good people."

She was sweet- so much so.  And honestly, I'm angry too. I'm angry that this girl I grew up with- we'd been friends since we were around 8- I'm angry that this girl who baked cookies every week for her friends and saved many of her friends' lives was hurt. I'm angry that this sweet, pretty, and honest person was abused and used for sex by that good-for-nothing guy that called himself her fiance- I had known this guy since we were kids too and I never saw it coming. I had never thought he would have wanted a trophy rather than a wife. I don't know how I'll avoid punching him in the face at the funeral.

I'm angry that someone who had been pushed around to do the bidding of others was used and abused by those who were supposed to love and raise her.  I'm angry that the friends I trusted to keep her safe after I moved away chose to bully her instead. I'm angry that someone with so much empathy and heart and compassion is being laid to rest with that stupid teddy bear her ex gave her when I bet anything she'd rather burn it. Actually, no- she would be too empathetic for the bear- she'd rather give it back to her fiance so he can remember how much he hurt her. 

She could be stubborn, and push herself too hard, and too straightforward and I'm sure somebody would've loved her for it. I loved her for it- she was my best friend.

And now she's gone because the world destroyed her.

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27 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

I’m sure this will come across as cold, unfeeling & angry, but frankly, that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.  Is what it is.

I don't blame you for feeling this way. Loss leads to anger and with how much loss you have faced I can understand that it must be very painful. I'm no Nyla when it comes to empathy, but I know you must be hurting to have lost another friend. Allow yourself to be angry- just don't let it consume you.

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Also, if you guys have any info about her ex fiance, I'd love to know. I'm going through her  posts on forums and on other servers and it seems like he abused her. I'm not gonna cause a scene at her funeral or anything but I do feel as if something is up and I don't want anyone to be hurt again.

I'm guessing something happened and she just...

It feels so sudden that I'm suspicious. She had an RP going on, a large tumblr project, and had seemingly bought some video games two days before her death. Something seems up.

Edited by PraiseBrownies

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1 hour ago, PraiseBrownies said:

Also, if you guys have any info about her ex fiance, I'd love to know. I'm going through her  posts on forums and on other servers and it seems like he abused her. I'm not gonna cause a scene at her funeral or anything but I do feel as if something is up and I don't want anyone to be hurt again.

Please be careful with this type of thing...if you truly feel there is serious cause for concern, you really should contact someone in the local police dept to delve into the information during an official investigation...I hear you about not causing a scene and I applaud the restraint...however, if something untoward has happened, you can never know how far someone will go to protect themselves from discovery...I would hate for something to happen to you because you stumble onto something incriminating to a stranger capable of even abusing someone much less something worse...please be safe 

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49 minutes ago, jenerator said:

I would hate for something to happen to you because you stumble onto something incriminating to a stranger capable of even abusing someone much less something worse...

Her ex... Isn't a stranger. I've known him for the same 9 years that Nyla had. We all went to school together before I moved. I never... Thought he could do something like that. He never hit her, but he damaged her deeply. But if there's one thing my best friend deserves, its some sort of justice for her pain- I won't hurt anyone but I'll try my hardest to make those that hurt her see their wrongs. 

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25 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Not sure if do so violates DF forum policies

No comment.  (Not at all personally directed to you, iWant.  Please know that.)

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34 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Not sure if do so violates DF forum policies

It also makes it quite confusing for the folks who don't see this post.  It's devastating news, but it won't be apparent if the user name continues to be used.

 

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21 minutes ago, rhyl said:

It also makes it quite confusing for the folks who don't see this post.  It's devastating news, but it won't be apparent if the user name continues to be used.

 

Yea, I messaged Skye earlier with this same concern. I noticed they started signing their posts with their name. I think temporarily this is a good thing for them. (Sorry Skye, not sure what pronoun to use, so I just went neutral. My guess is she, but Skye could also be a guy's name too, right? Count on E to ask the socially awkward questions! :P)

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I am so very sorry!  Condolences and comfort to all.  I have no words.

6 hours ago, adamrparr said:

I’m sure this will come across as cold, unfeeling & angry, but frankly, that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.  Is what it is.

No, @adamrparr, you do not sound cold and unfeeling.  You sound frustrated and hurting.  I am sorry for your losses and the pain you are going through.  I know there is nothing I can do to make things better, but I do wish you all the support and strength you need to continue on to better times.

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@adamrparr No, if anything, your post sounds as though you *feel too much*. This kind of thing has a profound effect on anyone with empathy and compassion. I'm sick of all of it too.

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