Jump to content

Letting go of the Hurt


TheGiftedOne

Recommended Posts

Hi, um, I haven't really spoken about my past to others so this is a little difficult to put into words, but I was bullied from little on. I always wondered why I was so different from the other people around me, but I never found an answer. I don't think I ever will. Anyways, now I'm out of that situation and I still feel all of the pain and the rage and despair vividly. I hear their voices taunting and laughing at me. I can barely sleep... I thought that I would find peace once it was over but I'm still as depressed as before. I would like to move on with my life, but with the chains of the past binding me there is no way to leave it behind.

Thank you for listening.

Edited by TheGiftedOne
fixing a misspelled word
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello TGO, Welcome to DF.  Glad you are here.  Sorry you have to be here.

We cannot change the past.  And we cannot change others.  We can only control how we react and what we do now.  Sounds like you are still traumatized by past events.  I have not found that ignoring them just makes them go away.  Sometimes, we need to talk thru the events, get other people's reactions.  We could be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Or, we can make a mole hill out of a mountain.  Neither help us recover.  Sometimes, we need a professional to talk it thru. Sometimes, peer discussion like this is enough.

Do you have a professional therapist?

It can be hard to work thru the process of sharing the pain, reliving the memories.  But it seems we humans need feedback from others to process these and start the road to recovery.  Otherwise, we let the past continue to dominate our present.  And if nothing ever changes, it will drown our future. 

Just some thoughts on trying to move forward.  Hope they give you something to think about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would just like to comment on the "chains of the past" metaphor you invoked.

Any chain no matter how strong can be broken.

Personally I keep a hefty supply of metaphorical boulders to metaphorically smash useless emotional baggage.

Maybe instead of bold boulders you can invoke a giant metaphorical hacksaw to repeatedly cut thru those "chains".

The idea is to be clever with powerful metaphors.

My motto: DESPAIR not / REPAIR a lot.

Oscar

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi TheGiftedOne,

     I'm so sorry you are suffering.  I have experienced what you describe so well and so it is not something abstract to me, but something very real, vivid and visceral. 

     MMoose and OskarK have offered you some really good insights and ideas and I do not really have anything better to offer. 

      Something to consider in addition to his suggestions, might be seeing a licensed physician for a complete medical workup. 

     Sometimes traumatic events can have effects on the brain itself and in some cases might cause or contribute to what you describe. 

     I don't know that to be the case with you and I am not a physician or medical professional of any kind.  But perhaps it is something to consider.

     There seems* to be a growing body of evidence that for some individuals, trauma can affect brain functioning.  Some* medical research has linked things like you describe to changes in regional cerebral blood flow in the brain and energy utilization [glucose metabolism].

     Some* studies have linked things like you describe to changes in the brain not linked to normal brain aging, i.e. pathology; for example, reductions in the mass, volume and density of parts of the brain due to atrophy, loss of glia cells, changes in brain cell architecture at the microscopic level.

     Some* studies have hypothesized that certain genetically predisposed individuals are unable to regulate the stress hormones in trauma situations and that the stress hormones in excess can damage parts of the brain, such as the amygdalae.

     In any case, I think it is perhaps a good idea to have a medical workup, if only to determine if there are other conditions which might cause or contribute to your suffering.

     It is very heartbreaking that you are suffering these things.  We are all fellow sufferers here and I hope you will be able to lean on us for understanding and compassion, encouragement and consolation whenever you are feeling anxious or low. 

     This site has helped me a lot during hard times. 

     If you would be interested in knowing what helps me personally [NOT advice since I am unqualified to give advice that could or should be relied upon], I would be happy to share a technique I learned from a Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist.

     All good things to you, TheGiftedOne !

* All medical research is subject to caveats and limitations such as type of study,  size of study, duration of study, quality and objectivity of study, confounding factors including studies which have reached other conclusions, new discoveries and so on.

    

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello,

You are not alone in what happened to you. In fact even celebrities, billionaires, the ruling class are bullied themselves as strange as that seems. If you want evidence just look for memes on some of these people.

Also in history expectional people who brought about profound change were often bullied for their revolutionary ideas.

What I am trying to get at is the reason people bullied you was not because you were inadequate in some way but in fact the opposite. It is because you are gifted and they resented you.

Rather than build themselves up some people try to bring others down to their level.

It is important to master your emotions and underdtand bullying does not always happen for the reasons you might think.

Life is more complicated than the simple animal hierarchy we are sold. Humanity is far more complex. We have an advanced society. I am a muscular guy, I have been bullied by people who are physically weaker than I am sometimes for seemingly random reasons. Its not just a jungle where might makes right.

It is better to overlook such an insult and take the high ground. There is a proverb that it is better to control the temper than to take a city.

You can talk to professional athletes, musicians, singers, there are many great people who will tell you that they have been bullied before as silly as that seems.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for all of your kind responses. It means so much to me to receive positive words like this. It's honestly something I'm not used to... It makes me glad to that someone understands what I've been through.

As an amateur poet, I see what you mean by using metaphors to break the chains of my past, but I'm unsure if I have the inner strength or confidence to accomplish that... I want to, but I truly have no idea how to.

I would love any advise that can be given. I find it useful to listen to others so I can use them to find an answer of my own.

I used to see a professional therapist, but I'm not right now. I had seen one for 6 years. 

I've been feeling pretty down lately. I've spent the last couple of nights crying, as I feel confused, overwhelmed, and alone. My heart aches and yearns for something better.  

I'm sorry that this response is late. Thank you for listening.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
On 2/20/2020 at 2:56 PM, TheGiftedOne said:

Hi, um, I haven't really spoken about my past to others so this is a little difficult to put into words, but I was bullied from little on. I always wondered why I was so different from the other people around me, but I never found an answer. I don't think I ever will. Anyways, now I'm out of that situation and I still feel all of the pain and the rage and despair vividly. I hear their voices taunting and laughing at me. I can barely sleep... I thought that I would find peace once it was over but I'm still as depressed as before. I would like to move on with my life, but with the chains of the past binding me there is no way to leave it behind.

Thank you for listening.

Sorry to hear that you were bullied. I was and still am. Renew yourself mentally each day. Listen to uplifting music, etc. If you focus on renewing yourself mentally each day you will be able to handle what was a problem before. It is powerful because its so effective i do it. Women call me names to each other, i renew myself daily and i forget what was said yesterday by them. I receive emotional abuse at work and at church to but i deal with it using spirituality and prayer also and it really does work for me. If it can work for me, it will definitely work for you. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...