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Some Advice Needed On The Way Forward.


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Hi,

I would appreciate some input on the best way to improve my current situation.

I am 37, male and married with four children. I am relatively stable although I drink excessively (mostly at weekends) and occasionally self harm. I am not on any meds having recently stopped taking Sertraline which I didn't find helpful.

I definitely have avoidant personality disorder although this doesn't prevent me from holding down a managerial job and meeting new people. I also have OCD and an anxiety/panic disorder (controlled).

I am by many standards pretty okay, largely because I have a good insight into my difficulties and refuse to let it get to me. I also have a very understanding wife.

I have had psychotherapy in the past and more recently hypnotherapy. The hypnotherapy gave me a huge insight into my childhood and was enormously helpful, but I simply cannot face the trauma inside. In the knowledge of this, I thought I would try CBT to reduce my symptoms but the therapist I saw was unhelpful, said she couldn't help me because of the complexity of my problems and would refer me to someone else. She has never called me back and i'm damned if i'm going to chase her.

Can anyone advise me on the best course? There is mention of CBT, DBT etc but I am not sure which path to follow. Is there a governing body in the UK of registered therapists or a contact point to seek this sort of advice? What is the best method for dealing with APD? (I don't want meds).

Thanks.

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if you are in the UK then the best place to start would be with your GP or Psychiatrist. They could refer you to an appropriate person via the NHS.

Did you stop the sertraline by yourself, with your Drs knowledge?

It certainly wouldn't hurt you to phone you last therapist and ask for a referral, it may have got lost in the post and you are only cutting off your nose to spite your face by not phoning up.

Therapy, is I think the best way to deal with personality disorders. Meds can help the anxiety so I wouldn't rule them out necessarily.

Take care.

Eileen

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well, I finally got into gear and sent a request for therapy to a UK organisation. I don't know why but I'm really scared this time. I was physically shaking when I sent the e-mail, how weird is that? :bump: It's not like I haven't had therapy before.

Wish me luck :hearts:

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I do wish you luck in finding a therapist. Your GP may have been able to refer you to someone.

Also on rereading your first post I notice that you say you drink excessively. Well that is certainly not going to help your mood or your situation. Alcohol is a depressant. Its also not good for your physical health. Do try and cut down the booze.

Eileen

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((((Weathered))))

So glad you went ahead and made that call for therapy. That first therapist was off her rocker. But at least she admitted that she was not experienced enough to help you. In that, she was very ethical and honest. Until you find the right one, therapists can be hit or miss, but that shouldnt deter you from seeking help for yourself and ultimately, for your wife and kids. They will certainly appreciate all the work you put into yourself and they will benefit from a father/husband who is more stable and not binge drinking on weekends. As you continue, you will be an even better example and role model for them.

I, too, am considered high functioning for all my issues. High functioning, doesn't mean well or even stable though. I have a husband and toddler, can hold a managerial job, and do other daily things. That doesn't mean that my issues aren't manifesting in other ways (similar to yours) and that I'm not suffering inside my head almost constantly. Some days I don't even feel alive.

When you feel like self harming, try some of the techniques in the SI room to distract you. I have and they worked for a time until the therapy and, (for me) meds kicked in. Same with the booze (I did that too). It takes a lot of willpower, esp when you are hurting so bad inside. I found journaling through the tempations to be particularly helpful.

In saying that, don't give up! If one therapist doesn't work, try another and another. *YOU* are worth every bit of effort.

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i really wish i can tell you something helpful but.. i cant think of anything... id o wish youd be ok... im not a manager but.... i guess...i just wish you can be alright.. and maybe... when you find the solution to your problems.. you can share it .. and maybe it can work on others as well... take care...

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Thanks HAC :hearts:

I've got details of three therapists to choose from and that brings up an interesting point. One of them could be amazing, and the person to help me resolve my 'issues'. But with therapy there is unfortunately no way of knowing. Having said that, I do firmly believe that healing comes from within.

Anyway, the logical thing to do is phone them all up for a chat, enquire as to their experience, particularly with issues of APD and identity and take it from there. But guess what, I don't want to because I'm afraid.

One of the replies I had I liked -

'Hi Jon

Being honest I dont know if I can help you but would be prepared to try, please feel free to give me a call on ********

Take care,

Warmest Regards

Tony Somers'

That's a nice honest response.

Edited by Weathered
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  • 2 months later...
Hi,

I would appreciate some input on the best way to improve my current situation.

I am 37, male and married with four children. I am relatively stable although I drink excessively (mostly at weekends) and occasionally self harm. I am not on any meds having recently stopped taking Sertraline which I didn't find helpful.

I definitely have avoidant personality disorder although this doesn't prevent me from holding down a managerial job and meeting new people. I also have OCD and an anxiety/panic disorder (controlled).

I am by many standards pretty okay, largely because I have a good insight into my difficulties and refuse to let it get to me. I also have a very understanding wife.

I have had psychotherapy in the past and more recently hypnotherapy. The hypnotherapy gave me a huge insight into my childhood and was enormously helpful, but I simply cannot face the trauma inside. In the knowledge of this, I thought I would try CBT to reduce my symptoms but the therapist I saw was unhelpful, said she couldn't help me because of the complexity of my problems and would refer me to someone else. She has never called me back and i'm damned if i'm going to chase her.

Can anyone advise me on the best course? There is mention of CBT, DBT etc but I am not sure which path to follow. Is there a governing body in the UK of registered therapists or a contact point to seek this sort of advice? What is the best method for dealing with APD? (I don't want meds).

Thanks.

Hi Weathered,

I have some diagnosis that are different than you but I am also married and have children (only 2) but I also have a very understanding wife. I am 47 and I too self harm from time to time. There are two things that I wanted to get across and the first one was to go after the help even if you have to hound them. I am not familliar with how it works in the UK but it is important that you get the help you need. I used to drink heavely and use illicit drugs on the weekends and the therapist said that I was self medicating. There were many things that I found in my childhood that were difficult to accept,still are. I really wanted you to know that you are not alone and to keep hanging in there buddy ok? I don't know which method is best to deal with APD to tell you the truth I am not sure what it is. We may call it something different in the states. Take Care and know that you are doing the right thing reaching out.

Slim

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Thanks Slim.

I think i've found the right therapist. She is very experienced and to start with wants me to see a forensic psychologist to advise on the best way forward given my complicated history. She then intends a multi-disciplined approach including individual therapy, meds, EMDR and group therapy.

I feel like I am on track so understandably I am fighting myself harder than ever.

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Weathered

its good to know that you have a dr who is giving you the range of treatments. It may take a while to get treatment but I do think that the NHS (even given its faults) is a good thing, free care for all.

Unfortunately a lot of people have to wait ages before they get to see a psychiatrist.

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Thanks Slim.

I think i've found the right therapist. She is very experienced and to start with wants me to see a forensic psychologist to advise on the best way forward given my complicated history. She then intends a multi-disciplined approach including individual therapy, meds, EMDR and group therapy.

I feel like I am on track so understandably I am fighting myself harder than ever.

Weathered,

I am glad that you have found a therapist that you trust, that is half the battle. I myself am on therapis #4 in 2 years of treatment. As a suggestion you may want to write what is going on in your life things that you discover in therapy that way if you ever have to change therapists you can just bring the notes in and not have to rehash everything all over again.

Slim :hearts:

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