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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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51 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I'm still coasting along. Didn't sleep well last night because there was a bat in the apartment. I tried to catch him for over half an hour but he was always able to outwit me. Haha. He flew into the bedroom about 1 a.m. and fluttered around the ceiling. Both of my cats were on the bed and essentially ignored the bat. I was like, "WTF kinda cats are you guys?"

Wow, that's a powerful symbol in shamanism. Change and rebirth could be about to happen for you....Er, that is if you believe in all that crap...

...If not, 🦇 happy bat hunting 😁 teach those slackers how to do it 🐈🐈

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Wow, that's a powerful symbol in shamanism. Change and rebirth could be about to happen for you....Er, that is if you believe in all that crap...

...If not, 🦇 happy bat hunting 😁 teach those slackers how to do it 🐈🐈

Haha. I happen to love bats. I feel so sorry for this one because he's probably hungry/thirsty. And he's in a panic because he's confined to that apartment. I hope to catch him sleeping so I can take him outside.

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24 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Haha. I happen to love bats. I feel so sorry for this one because he's probably hungry/thirsty. And he's in a panic because he's confined to that apartment. I hope to catch him sleeping so I can take him outside.

I love bats too. And the shamanism crap 😂

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Haha. I happen to love bats. I feel so sorry for this one because he's probably hungry/thirsty. And he's in a panic because he's confined to that apartment. I hope to catch him sleeping so I can take him outside.

You sound like me with the wasps.  They sting me and I still feel sorry for them.:coophelp:

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Kinda neutral and pensive.  A lot has happened lately, and I think it is slowly sinking in.  

I have about decided that I need to go into 'robot mode' for a little while.  Take a big step back from my feelings, and just be an actor in a play in my own life.  It is difficult to explain, but I believe it is the best thing at the moment.  Lately, I have been taking how I feel so seriously that it is doing me more harm than good.  Somehow this 'shift' feels like the right thing to do for a while.  Even if it does sound totally looney to describe.    🙃

Edited by jkd_sd
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14 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm still coasting along. Didn't sleep well last night because there was a bat in the apartment. I tried to catch him for over half an hour but he was always able to outwit me. Haha. He flew into the bedroom about 1 a.m. and fluttered around the ceiling. Both of my cats were on the bed and essentially ignored the bat. I was like, "WTF kinda cats are you guys?"

They are not interested in bats.     Make bat soup!  🙂

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I'm nearing 1000 Days sober, trying to think of a way to celebrate. I feel like its a massive achievement that should be celebrated, just at a loss as to how. 

I did consider going to the pub in which i had my last drink and order some food instead, not stepped inside since i quit drinking 

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22 minutes ago, Ratvan said:

I did consider going to the pub in which i had my last drink and order some food instead, not stepped inside since i quit drinking 

No way don't go there!  It's a trick!  I'm proud of you man!  I know how hard it is.  How to celebrate?  Exercise hard get into fighting shape and enjoy your next fight!  Show the world what you're made of. 

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2 minutes ago, sober4life said:

No way don't go there!  It's a trick!  I'm proud of you man!  I know how hard it is.  How to celebrate?  Exercise hard get into fighting shape and enjoy your next fight!  Show the world what you're made of. 

I am exercising I aim to be back in the ring early 2021, i just dont want to go as hard as i did last year. Pretty sure that was a contributing cause to anorexia, that and depression, self esteem issues etc. 

The other idea I had was to have a mocktail night 

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37 minutes ago, Ratvan said:

I am exercising I aim to be back in the ring early 2021, i just dont want to go as hard as i did last year. Pretty sure that was a contributing cause to anorexia, that and depression, self esteem issues etc. 

The other idea I had was to have a mocktail night 

I get how you feel.  We need to feel like we have won against the evil.  We're stronger but drinking things that taste like cocktails without the alcohol is another test of your will.  Brains like ours want to drink today tomorrow and every day.  I'm going to be sober for 3 years on Monday.  My mind will try everything to get me to drink that day.  The mocktail night to me sounds like your brain trying to tempt you into drinking to me.  I have a list of favorite restaurants.  Of course my mind wants me to go to the one with a sports bar.  My suggestion is go out to eat at your favorite restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol.  

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12 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I get how you feel.  We need to feel like we have won against the evil.  We're stronger but drinking things that taste like cocktails without the alcohol is another test of your will.  Brains like ours want to drink today tomorrow and every day.  I'm going to be sober for 3 years on Monday.  My mind will try everything to get me to drink that day.  The mocktail night to me sounds like your brain trying to tempt you into drinking to me.  I have a list of favorite restaurants.  Of course my mind wants me to go to the one with a sports bar.  My suggestion is go out to eat at your favorite restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol.  

I don't know any restaurants that serve food with no alcohol. Seems like that would be a really strange place. 

I dont think the mocktails would be an issue, it was never really the taste but the effect that I chased with alcohol (and other narcotics), I have done a few cocktail evenings where I mixed drinks for people that was a lot of fun and I didn't feel like i was missing out

 

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On 8/31/2020 at 6:59 AM, roadking02 said:

In order to keep myself from shutting down I'm going to at least try to record a new song today. I spent the most of last night getting the guitar sections down which really is just 2 different loops and a solo. The rest is basically synthesizers and an old drum machine from the 80's. My only issue is my voice which for awhile now isn't anywhere close to what it used to be. I went around the neighborhood walking around, singing the song to myself, dancing a bit... Neighbors probably think I'm stupid but I never worry about it. They heard me playing some Saturday night and when I took a walk one of the neighbors commented me. While it's good, getting compliments on my music honestly is hard for me to take sometimes. I guess when you're told about your talents constantly you wonder if that's all people know about you.

When I finish recording and am actually happy with it then I'm hoping to make a music video just for fun. Haven't made one in 7 years (I checked last night) so it's due. I'll be using at least 2 of my guitars, most likely the "British Bomber/BSA Motorcycle" guitar and one of my many strats... Probably my red silver sky as a contrast to the blue? We'll see when we get to it. Reason I love my BSA guitar is mainly because I made it myself and it's setup to play very very easy.

I'm envious that you have a passion in life. I used to like drawing and photography but can't be bothered anymore. Having a passion you are good at is such a gift.

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I haven't had a restful night's sleep in a few weeks now. I don't usually need much, but I do need a good chunk of quality sleep each night, which I haven't had. It has made it more difficult during the day to keep focused, and to keep my mind from returning to more destructive depressive thoughts. With everything that's going on at the moment - separation from my wife, trying to find a new place to live, kids going back to school in a couple of days, etc - I'm finding it difficult to keep my depression at bay. My work is suffering, I'm being more distant from my children, and I'm feeling generally pretty low. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's difficult. My few friends are all pretty far away, and they have busy lives of their own of course, so am feeling lonely too, which isn't helping. I still think I'm lucky though, things could be much worse. 

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I'm tired of being afraid, and trying to get to a better emotional place.  If I could **** the fear, or at least snub my nose at it, I might see a future. 

Does anyone see a future?  I wonder.  If we do, what does it look like?  There are lots of Positive Thinking Groups that believe that if you see what you want to create, you've taken your first step toward creating it.  If that's true, and I don't know what I want based upon past experience and current world/national/personal conditions, do I even stand a chance of creating something better?  

I BORE MYSELF TO DEATH with my anxiety and sadness. I write poems.  I work on two other writing projects.  I'm envious of my brother, who, after YEARS of pain and uncertainty, has created a WONDERFUL NEW LIFE for himself.  (TWO jobs in fields in which he has experience and passion!!!!)  In fact, I think I have to stop following him for a while on FB because it just fuels my envy.  I say "envy" because "jealousy" is different in my mind.  Jealousy implies, to me, accompanying resentment and small mindedness.  I don't resent him.  I just feel low about myself because I haven't figured out my next steps and every day brings me closer to the grave.

That's why, I think, it's just easier to crave death.  I can't see ahead and I'm stewing in inertia where I am. 

And interia is SOUL CRUSHING.  

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i'm not doing great. i've had two sessions with my therapist and it's all talk about what my parents think is wrong with me. i want (and need) help with my depression and anxiety. i had to take an anxiety/stress test recently for an online physical fitness course and it said i had "too much stress and anxiety". i believe that, but my mom said that it's wrong. and now i don't want to tell her about my depression (and i am way too nervous to tell my therapist), so i'm stuck. what do i do?

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@womanofthelight, thank you for posting that!  It puts words to feelings I have been struggling with.  Some details are different (like I don't have a brother), but it is a perfect expression of the emotions and perspective.  "... stewing in inertia ..." is the perfect phrase!

Hope you are feeling better -- lighter, freer, more confident, and capable of effortless movement.

Thanks again.

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Just wondering how many people here ever find lasting solutions and if anyone like that sticks around. There have been many who were here for a while and then apparently left -- myself included for a long time -- so I'm curious as to whether they found solutions or gave up or worse.

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Am still feeling like I'm sinking deeper into my depression again. Lack of sleep is certainly a big part of it, but I just can't get good sleep. I'm wasting so much time on doing nothing and being useless. My hopes of resuming work and being effective again are fading pretty quickly. Feeling very lonely. Reading others posts helps a bit to show that I'm not on my own in this, but I still feel alone. I hope you are all doing better than me.

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