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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

I was just taking a nap.  It's a place where I get to still be with mom.  Of course I would walk into the corn field if this was Field of Dreams.   I wouldn't be going to heaven though.  Someone evil would be tricking me into getting attacked by evil scarecrows.  It's hard to keep waking up when I know I'm going to be waking up to hell for the next 40 years.

well something might change, and maybe you wont be waking up to hell for the next 40 years.....

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For better or worse, I'm checking in again. I was absent for a week I guess. Time is becoming kinda meaningless, which is rather a relief in many ways. I still have to be at work and I still face impossible deadlines, but I'm reaching a point where I just don't care.

Somebody stole my old 10-speed bicycle that I got as a HS graduation present back in 1977. It was actually the fault of the building management of the complex in which I live. It was locked up safe and secure in a storage room and they took all of the bikes out of there for some kind of remodeling. When I went to get it, it was GONE. The building and grounds guy was very apologetic but he couldn't do anything. I have to talk with the management people, which is like talking to the devil himself.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

They need to change the name life to barf because that's how I feel the whole time I'm awake.  I feel life throwing up from the endless stress!

i dont think you feel like that all the time sober. you give us plenty of advice , opinions, suggestions, and you've helped me a lot. i am stressed right now too, too many things and thoughts running around my head...i feel lost and confused , and i dont have many people to turn to in real life, aside from you guys..

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3 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

For better or worse, I'm checking in again. I was absent for a week I guess. Time is becoming kinda meaningless, which is rather a relief in many ways. I still have to be at work and I still face impossible deadlines, but I'm reaching a point where I just don't care.

Somebody stole my old 10-speed bicycle that I got as a HS graduation present back in 1977. It was actually the fault of the building management of the complex in which I live. It was locked up safe and secure in a storage room and they took all of the bikes out of there for some kind of remodeling. When I went to get it, it was GONE. The building and grounds guy was very apologetic but he couldn't do anything. I have to talk with the management people, which is like talking to the devil himself.

well if it's a secure place, why cant they do anything about it? go talk to them, they should have at least told you guys. a bicycle is not cheap, especially right now that they are in high demand due to the summer and people wanting to be out because of covid..they are very expensive. i know it probably meant a lot to you, and you can't put a price, but if you want a new one you can't find one under like $350..

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14 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

It was locked up safe and secure in a storage room and they took all of the bikes out of there for some kind of remodeling.

If you saw to it that it was locked in storage and 'someone' (on behalf of management) removed it from its secure location (no notice to you or other security measures), then it seems rather obvious that it their responsibility, not yours!  Of course, management will have a different opinion.

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2 hours ago, Ratvan said:

everyone seems up for meeting and getting along until it gets to meet in person then I dont know the motivation seems to drop off and once again it feels like I am giving everything and receiving nothing

This.

Yep, I've experienced the same. I've not had good experience with trying to make friends online. I've kinda given up on it as an avenue for making new friends now. 

It doesn't help that people you meet online are usually nowhere near you geographically 🤷‍♀️ and it's kinda impossible. 

 

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47 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

For better or worse, I'm checking in again. I was absent for a week I guess. Time is becoming kinda meaningless, which is rather a relief in many ways. I still have to be at work and I still face impossible deadlines, but I'm reaching a point where I just don't care.

Somebody stole my old 10-speed bicycle that I got as a HS graduation present back in 1977. It was actually the fault of the building management of the complex in which I live. It was locked up safe and secure in a storage room and they took all of the bikes out of there for some kind of remodeling. When I went to get it, it was GONE. The building and grounds guy was very apologetic but he couldn't do anything. I have to talk with the management people, which is like talking to the devil himself.

I would tell them give me a new bike by the end of next week or I'm going to the local tv station and telling them my story.

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On 8/21/2020 at 3:37 AM, Ratvan said:

Well that was my first session so was a one on one via Zoom, as we progress I have been told that I am likely to be invited to the groups and pairs work that they provide, not there yet though.

How did you find CBT? I wasnt expecting it to be as difficult as I am finding it so far, but then I guess that is the whole point in changing my thinking?

Thank you buddy, and you

I have done CBT with a therapist one on one and in various groups.  Some CBT is okay.  It helps us look at things the way they are.  I was once involved in a program at a hospital and it was so difficult I had to drop out.  This CBT program was very complex for me.  

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20 hours ago, JD4010 said:

For better or worse, I'm checking in again. I was absent for a week I guess. Time is becoming kinda meaningless, which is rather a relief in many ways. I still have to be at work and I still face impossible deadlines, but I'm reaching a point where I just don't care.

Somebody stole my old 10-speed bicycle that I got as a HS graduation present back in 1977. It was actually the fault of the building management of the complex in which I live. It was locked up safe and secure in a storage room and they took all of the bikes out of there for some kind of remodeling. When I went to get it, it was GONE. The building and grounds guy was very apologetic but he couldn't do anything. I have to talk with the management people, which is like talking to the devil himself.

That's BS!  Typical apartment management.  They never take responsibility!   

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22 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Somebody stole my old 10-speed bicycle that I got as a HS graduation present back in 1977. It was actually the fault of the building management of the complex in which I live. It was locked up safe and secure in a storage room and they took all of the bikes out of there for some kind of remodeling. When I went to get it, it was GONE. The building and grounds guy was very apologetic but he couldn't do anything. I have to talk with the management people, which is like talking to the devil himself.

Sorry to hear that... I know the feeling. Every bicycle I ever owned was eventually stolen (I would say more than 5 and fewer than 10 of them). The last one was probably 1950's vintage, complete with a shade of lime paint coat, antique tires, and those big mud guards that no modern bicycle has anymore. I thought it was safe to leave it unlocked occasionally, but I was wrong.

 

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Re: the talk about CBT. I have been in therapy on/off for the past 40 years. The first 3 and one group did nothing for me, I finally found a therapist that does more than say 'tell me what's bothering you'  (meaning why are you here wasting my time). Heck if I knew what was making me feel this way I'd be on my way to recovery.  It has been an eye-opening experience working with T for the past 4 years. She has helped see that I can choose to do things I want and not feel guilty about it. That I was not put here on earth to be a doormat for my family and friends. it has been easier for me to walk away from toxic friends (didn't know I had so many until I walked away.) walking away from family has not been so easy as the guilt that my mother laid on me about taking care of my brothers cuz they married terrible wives(and yes they really did,) and never had any  good memories of their married life so SHE had to provide the good times and she passed that on to me before she died. Plus I learned alot of coping skills from T, however I still have a problem with positive self talk. But you can't overcame what you learned in minutes, it takes practice and preserverance (spelling?).

Sorry, if I rambled a bit. But finding the right type of therapist can help. 

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I get so tired of people working me.  I've had 2 people trying to con me into buying their second hand lawnmowers recently.  Hey here's junk I don't want anymore do you want it?  No surprisingly I don't want something that you know is falling apart in some way and is on it's last leg that you're hoping is able to start one last time just long enough for me to get it off of your property!  Other than that I feel pretty good.  Much like the nature or animal shows you see on tv when you take people away this place seems pretty good.

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Well, I feel glum again. I think I'm gonna have to resign myself to the fact that I'm gonna feel like this quite a bit for the foreseeable future. I'm only gonna feel better when I have a life around people again....

That seems a fair way off, it's likely to be months and months before I can apply for a job or join in with some sort of activity. I have the whole moving process to go through before I can think about doing that. 

I feel better on the odd day where I spend time with my sister and/or my dad but that's not even every week sometimes. We have very fractured relationships. 

..So, I just gotta keep my head down and keep moving. If I can accept the glumness for now, that's better than fighting against it and making myself feel worse. There's just no way that someone can feel happy with this much isolation. I've had a small life before but never had a small life and lived alone. 

I keep thinking that this will be my last cat because I want to spend more time outdoors and travelling but quite frankly with no one to go travelling with I'm not going far, that's for sure 😳

Edited by Nightjar
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7 hours ago, duck said:

That's BS!  Typical apartment management.  They never take responsibility!   

They apparently posted a notice somewhere, according to them. Well, whatever. 

I found a cinder block that I'm going to heave through the office window after midnight tonight. No worries, I'll be wearing a mask and wrap around sunglasses when I do it.

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21 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

They apparently posted a notice somewhere, according to them. Well, whatever. 

I found a cinder block that I'm going to heave through the office window after midnight tonight. No worries, I'll be wearing a mask and wrap around sunglasses when I do it.

I don't care what they posted.  They put your bike in a position where it could be stolen.  Saying it's posted isn't good enough.  Maybe if they sent you something in the mail they could get away with it but posted nobody looks at a stupid bulletin board.

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29 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

They apparently posted a notice somewhere, according to them. Well, whatever. 

I agree with sober4life -- not good enough! The 'official' bulletin board in the apartment building where I live is by a door that I rarely use.  I am certainly not going to get much of the information posted there. 

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14 hours ago, Handon Frypan said:

Fell out of my wheelchair, lost two phones. But I'm up now, and breakfast went well. Sick of this earache but afraid of going into the hospital due to COVID.

Sorry to hear you fell out of your wheelchair.  That sucks! I hope you did not injure yourself.

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14 hours ago, nojoy said:

Re: the talk about CBT. I have been in therapy on/off for the past 40 years. The first 3 and one group did nothing for me, I finally found a therapist that does more than say 'tell me what's bothering you'  (meaning why are you here wasting my time). Heck if I knew what was making me feel this way I'd be on my way to recovery.  It has been an eye-opening experience working with T for the past 4 years. She has helped see that I can choose to do things I want and not feel guilty about it. That I was not put here on earth to be a doormat for my family and friends. it has been easier for me to walk away from toxic friends (didn't know I had so many until I walked away.) walking away from family has not been so easy as the guilt that my mother laid on me about taking care of my brothers cuz they married terrible wives(and yes they really did,) and never had any  good memories of their married life so SHE had to provide the good times and she passed that on to me before she died. Plus I learned alot of coping skills from T, however I still have a problem with positive self talk. But you can't overcame what you learned in minutes, it takes practice and preserverance (spelling?).

Sorry, if I rambled a bit. But finding the right type of therapist can help. 

HI nojoy, Thank you for posting.  I am fifty three now and I am hoping to get some relief from abusive people.   Hope is what keeps me going.  Based on my experience the majority of the people on this planet are abusive and no amount of therapy can help my situation.  Abusive and violent people needs to be taught respect unfortunately,  society is defending them and blaming the good people.  

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10 hours ago, JD4010 said:

They apparently posted a notice somewhere, according to them. Well, whatever. 

I found a cinder block that I'm going to heave through the office window after midnight tonight. No worries, I'll be wearing a mask and wrap around sunglasses when I do it.

Thumbs up!  🙂

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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I've been sitting here alone for 2 and a half years. 

Me too :hugs:

No getting around it, it's hard and it sucks. I do remain hopeful that it's just a phase and I focus on the positive as much as I can. It really helps and keeps me afloat.

I still have things to enjoy, interests to follow and activities that make me feel good. I have my little furry companion who makes me smile every day and I have you guys ❤️ who also make me smile every day. 

All we can do is keep going, step by step, to move towards the life we want. It may take us a while but we'll get there in the end if we persevere :hugs:

Chin up my friend. I'm right there with you on this sinking boat. We've kept it afloat though haven't we? We're still going, still fighting. That counts for a lot. We are brave and strong to stand alone 💪

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