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How do You Feel Right Now? #12

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I keep going to prove the world wrong I guess but it's all in my head nobody cares about me.  If someone saw that I was on fire they would act like they didn't see me.  When people ask me how I'm doing I wonder what is this person up to because of course they don't really care.

Hi Sober,

your comment reminded me of something I told the therapists (all 4 of them). If asked how I am, I would say fine even if I was on the floor, guts, brain and blood everywhere, because nobody cares.

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26 minutes ago, nojoy said:

Hi Sober,

your comment reminded me of something I told the therapists (all 4 of them). If asked how I am, I would say fine even if I was on the floor, guts, brain and blood everywhere, because nobody cares.

Yeah the therapists I had remembered me when they saw me on the schedule for my appointment that day.  I've had doctors that said my name wrong for 10 years.  That was my last doctor.  He actually worked with mom at a hospital for 20 years and he couldn't get my name right?  What a joke!  I used to be someone that had no communication skills really.  I couldn't leave the house.  I became determined to improve my social skills.  I wish I didn't.  The more I got to know about people the less I liked.  Every conversation I had the person was manipulating me the whole time even if it was grandma.

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i would like to be able to breathe and live without this anxiety, and depression and all the side effects, but i know it's not possible......i just wish it could be ...i miss so many things i used to enjoy..people who have their health really have no idea how good they have it.

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Posted (edited)

Not feeling so good, depression is setting in. Everything drives me to be isolated and to search for superficial virtual relationship, no richness there but at least keeps my mind bussy. Is funny how some days I just can't do anything but try to keep myself alive. One day you write down your plans, one day you start executing them, and one day you just need to put everything on hold 'cause u just can't focus on anything and want to die. Life is funny.

Big hug to all of you.

Edited by nothing_man

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Was supposed to have a get together tonite with my only parent after several months. Called him today and he had forgot about it and did not try to make it happen. So I'm having my own lovely evening.

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40 minutes ago, watalife said:

Was supposed to have a get together tonite with my only parent after several months. Called him today and he had forgot about it and did not try to make it happen. So I'm having my own lovely evening.

I know how you feel.  I have one parent left that lives 5 miles from here and he's been inside this house once in 3 years.  Last week he said what room is your fireplace in again.  My thought was a room and a house you'll never be in again.  I'll make sure of it.  I put out all the effort.  He wishes I never show up again and hopes I die because I'm in the way.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  I have one parent left that lives 5 miles from here and he's been inside this house once in 3 years.  Last week he said what room is your fireplace in again.  My thought was a room and a house you'll never be in again.  I'll make sure of it.  I put out all the effort.  He wishes I never show up again and hopes I die because I'm in the way.

Can't even imagine one's own parent thinking that way. So sorry to hear what you're going through 😞

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I'm always in way over my head.  I just go all in a lot of the time.  Who cares what happens.  The worst that can happen is I end up with mom.  I don't care anymore.  So far things are working out but one day this is all going to blow up like a huge bomb.

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Cautiously hopeful.  🙂   The last two days have been low-energy and tough.  I was afraid I was falling back into the 'depression rut'.  

This morning I read an article on the BBC website about something researchers tried that got good results with both children and adults.  It is about using an 'alter ego' to reduce anxiety and increase determination.  I am in the process of trying it and having good results so far.  If you want to search for it, they called it the 'Batman Effect'.  (No kidding!)

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I've done that my whole life pretending to be someone else.  I'm an actor playing a part for the day it's fun.  I guess most of my hard times in life I said I guess I have to be this person to get through this.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I've done that my whole life pretending to be someone else.  I'm an actor playing a part for the day it's fun.  I guess most of my hard times in life I said I guess I have to be this person to get through this.

When I read the article, I thought about some of the messages you have posted on this forum about working through tough situations.  It helped me understand how it worked.  This just might help me with my motivation (actually, lack of) problem.  Crossing my fingers.   🤞

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I am so stressed out and this is because others are violating my boundaries and society has gone to hell!

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5 hours ago, APFSDS said:

Angry.

So, I paid money... to be forced to log into Zucc's social media network just to play VR video games? Nice reveal.

 

Hey, it's okay. That's not a bad thing at all. Games are needed in daily life, some of them allow certain social interaction, it's something.

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2 hours ago, nothing_man said:

Hey, it's okay. That's not a bad thing at all. Games are needed in daily life, some of them allow certain social interaction, it's something.

I know it's silly to complain about "first world problems", but...
I closed my FB account a few weeks ago. Not because I got fed up with FB, but because of wanting to go away.
FB is going to be required from october of this year to be able to play with the Oculus Rift VR thingybob.
Anonymous accounts are not allowed and if discovered, will get banned along with all the games probably.

So a part of my escapism method has been ruined by Facebook.

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I went for a drive in a beautiful part of town.  There are many bars/pubs/restaurants.  I parked my car legally and i called my friend.  We were chatting when three people came with a white car and boxed me in.  I asked them to leave some room for me to get out.  The two females began arguing with me.  One of them came right into my face and began yelling at me.  BTW, none of them were wearing masks.  Society has gone to hell!  People are teaching their kids to be bullies!

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On 8/18/2020 at 6:20 AM, sober4life said:

I keep going to prove the world wrong I guess but it's all in my head nobody cares about me.  If someone saw that I was on fire they would act like they didn't see me.  When people ask me how I'm doing I wonder what is this person up to because of course they don't really care.

I agree!   HUGS @sober4life

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I had my first ever Therapy session (CBT) yesterday, all day today i have been really struggling to concentrate on work. I have been given some "homework" which is meant to help me boost my self esteem and confidence. I just really dont like the idea of it

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Welp, I accidentally unplugged my laptop and it won't turn on anymore. Apropos of nothing, I'm reminded of this The Onion headline: Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had.

25 minutes ago, Ratvan said:

I had my first ever Therapy session (CBT) yesterday, all day today i have been really struggling to concentrate on work. I have been given some "homework" which is meant to help me boost my self esteem and confidence. I just really dont like the idea of it

I don't know how helpful therapy has been, but I sure do miss having someone I could vent to about my problems. I hope you will get some good out of it.

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1 minute ago, Kogent5 said:

Welp, I accidentally unplugged my laptop and it won't turn on anymore. Apropos of nothing, I'm reminded of this The Onion headline: Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had.

I don't know how helpful therapy has been, but I sure do miss having someone I could vent to about my problems. I hope you will get some good out of it.

I'd just like to stop self sabotaging relationships to be honest. 

Homework is basically get a date before the next session (to boost my self confidence),l which i dont like the idea of as I havent yet given up on my SO

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Therapy for me was just another person I was afraid of.  Sure it would be nice to talk about my problems but there's no chance I'll trust anyone again to be able to talk about anything really.  Someone could stop me and ask what time is it or ask for directions and I would be suspicious of them.  Of course I can't open up about real issues.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

Therapy for me was just another person I was afraid of.  Sure it would be nice to talk about my problems but there's no chance I'll trust anyone again to be able to talk about anything really.  Someone could stop me and ask what time is it or ask for directions and I would be suspicious of them.  Of course I can't open up about real issues.

It is a balancing act between telling the truth and avoiding a Section 3

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