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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 8/6/2020 at 5:25 AM, Atra said:

Hurt, Disappointed, Violated, Threatened & Betrayed. 

Also, Brave, Honest, Self-respecting, Fierce & Thankful. 

I ended a friendship today. They messed up with me time and again, apologizing after each time only to hurt and upset and disappoint me once more. Eventually I had enough and boundaries mean very little if I'm not prepared to enforce them. It was a difficult conversation. They cried, pleaded for one last chance and I had to sound like a broken record.

To sort of fortify my resolve, I kept in my mind an affirmation I read someplace: I can't control your behavior, I can only control my exposure to it. 

Wow, I hope that you can find comfort and a peace of mind as you move forward with your life 

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I had a truly wonderful time with my separated wife and her daughter the last few days. They drove all the way down, hauling a bunch of my junk. The wife took the time to explore my puny super humid town, and the daughter taught me how to read scales on a guitar. For once, I actually think I've had a genuinely good couple of days. Despite the heat.

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Feeling physically ill.  I checked my BP and it is higher than it should be.  Too many nasty people to deal with in society.

The sun is out after a rainy day.

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15 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

I honestly just don't want to do this anymore.

What's going on?  Please hang in there!

-------------------------------------------------

I went to a couple of stores just to walk and get some exercise.

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11 hours ago, duck said:

Feeling physically ill.  I checked my BP and it is higher than it should be.  Too many nasty people to deal with in society.

The sun is out after a rainy day.

All there is is nasty people I think.  The people in my life are just waiting for me to die.  How would you know that?  They've told me so that's how I know.  I'm not really alone in this world somehow I'm less than alone.  I would be better off alone.

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On 5/22/2020 at 3:40 PM, sober4life said:

Thanks I got a chainsaw today.  I've never used one before.  I'm sure the story of me learning how to use it on my own will be one of those stories.  We'll see.:confusedread:

Just don't saw off your finger!! I have a pretty tight friend group, and the three of us love each other to pieces. But I do have a larger friend group where yes, friends come and go. I got a hoverboard last night but it was super late so I can't ride it but I can today! Just gotta beg it to be just like my sis's!!!!!!!

 

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

All there is is nasty people I think.  The people in my life are just waiting for me to die.  How would you know that?  They've told me so that's how I know.  I'm not really alone in this world somehow I'm less than alone.  I would be better off alone.

Don't think we're gonna leave you, if you do, your wrong. I know there are a hecking lot of nasty people out there, (like my ex) and Jaelyn, and, I could go on and on but that wouldn't help. I know for certain I don't want you to die, and as a matter of fact, I don't think anyone here does.

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3 hours ago, FailEncore said:

Just don't saw off your finger!! I have a pretty tight friend group, and the three of us love each other to pieces. But I do have a larger friend group where yes, friends come and go. I got a hoverboard last night but it was super late so I can't ride it but I can today! Just gotta beg it to be just like my sis's!!!!!!!

 

When I first got a chainsaw someone told me a story of someone that decided to cut his own tree down and cut his arm off.  I'm not as much of an idiot as I come accross as sometimes.  I only use a chainsaw if there is no other way.  I'll actually take more time and use hand saws if I can because it's safer.  I haven't had friends in real life in years and probably never will again.  I would like a hoverboard but I would rather have the time machine or a delorean at least.

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3 hours ago, FailEncore said:

Don't think we're gonna leave you, if you do, your wrong. I know there are a hecking lot of nasty people out there, (like my ex) and Jaelyn, and, I could go on and on but that wouldn't help. I know for certain I don't want you to die, and as a matter of fact, I don't think anyone here does.

I have no intentions in dying any time soon but the people that keep asking me I am in the will right will get a surprise in the end.  They will be in the will but I'll make sure I leave this world in as much debt as I possibly can so they'll get what they ask for that's for sure!😊

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9 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I have no intentions in dying any time soon but the people that keep asking me I am in the will right will get a surprise in the end.  They will be in the will but I'll make sure I leave this world in as much debt as I possibly can so they'll get what they ask for that's for sure!😊

hahahaha

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Not exactly sure.  Tired for one thing.

Just got back to town.  Long story, so I will try for the shortest version.  Mother is in the hospital.  They are taking good care of her, but her condition has its 'ups and downs'.  It looks like things are going to work out one of two ways, but both options have their own issues and complications.    

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1 minute ago, jkd_sd said:

Not exactly sure.  Tired for one thing.

Just got back to town.  Long story, so I will try for the shortest version.  Mother is in the hospital.  They are taking good care of her, but her condition has its 'ups and downs'.  It looks like things are going to work out one of two ways, but both options have their own issues and complications.    

Wow, well I hate to hear this my friend and hopefully things will work out the best for you and the family. Be blessed my friend and try to get some rest

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43 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I feel so far away from any kind of 'normal' life. I know a lot of people feel the same right now. I wonder if I'll ever make it 'back to normal' and I wonder if I even want to. 🤷‍♀️

I never will.  I live in a fantasy world for the most part and live my life like a kid on vacation.  I would love to date but no person on earth would stick around for this!

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19 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I never will.  I live in a fantasy world for the most part and live my life like a kid on vacation.  I would love to date but no person on earth would stick around for this!

So what, I do to! Lol. Most people in relationships are miserable. What do I know though I'm just a big pig.

 

Edited by watalife
Lol lol
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8 minutes ago, watalife said:

So what, I do to! Lol. Most people in relationships are miserable. What do I know though I'm just a big pig.

 

I've never enjoyed any relationship of any kind so far but you know depression I "need" someone.  Within 10 seconds of absolutely anyone on earth showing up here I would run out the back door and jump the fence like the deer.

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3 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I feel so far away from any kind of 'normal' life. I know a lot of people feel the same right now. I wonder if I'll ever make it 'back to normal' and I wonder if I even want to. 🤷‍♀️

I know what you mean.   But I also wonder if 'old normal' will ever come back.  Most likely there will end up being what they are already calling a 'new normal'.  Will I (or anyone else) even recognize that it is the 'new normal' until well after the fact?  If not, we are in for along stretch of feeling 'un-normal'.  I think we need to each define our own 'new normal' and stick by it.

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21 hours ago, duck said:

What's going on?  Please hang in there!

Just tired of people in my life. I went from "once COVID is done, things will get better" to realizing it's never getting better. If it's going to be like this until I'm dead, I'd rather just go now. Not suicidal, just wanting to be obliterated from existence.

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