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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 7/25/2020 at 6:34 PM, sober4life said:

Yeah I would mow the yard but I don't want to take the dandelions from the rabbits.

And the bees!

I remember as a kid wondering why we would want to destroy dandelions because they are so pretty and useful (you can even eat them!). The best answer I got was "because they aren't grass." Well, the bees don't like grass and unless you're a cow or goat or something, you can't eat grass either.

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

And the bees!

I remember as a kid wondering why we would want to destroy dandelions because they are so pretty and useful (you can even eat them!). The best answer I got was "because they aren't grass." Well, the bees don't like grass and unless you're a cow or goat or something, you can't eat grass either.

Well if the bees don't like grass maybe that's why about 30 of them stung me today.  I wasn't keeping the yard mowed well enough.

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Today I’m not doing incredibly well. I’m bored, unmotivated, a bit lonely yet content in isolation, somewhat anxious & depressed. Part of what’s driving me crazy is a bit of ongoing drama with the (ex?) girlfriend. Unresolved matters which hopefully will be resolved in the next day or two.

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I dream about mom every day.  My mind needs that because it's the only time anyone really cares about me.  What a joke it would be if I had a near death experience.  The voices in the hospital room would be saying get his wallet before he wakes up.

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15 hours ago, juno_writes said:

Is it weird to say that that sounds like a good time? It is good to have a real conversation about things that matter, even if they're dark. If I can start out on that basis with someone, the small talk flows much more easily. Sounds like he appreciated it as well.

I think he did appreciate it. He was shocked to hear that I like poetry, and he gave me one of his poetry books - along with a bag of oatmeal cookies he had made. I almost never make real friends because I'm so deep that it's hard to talk about anything that's not incredibly serious. Thus, it probably is weird, but it's awesome when somebody else doesn't think so.

 

Today I felt okay. I got to see my dad but I wasn't expecting him so I wasn't very sociable. I feel guilty because I'm one of the best things in his life, so when I'm not happy he's not happy. It's a lot of pressure.

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

Well if the bees don't like grass maybe that's why about 30 of them stung me today.  I wasn't keeping the yard mowed well enough.

Consider it lucky that they weren't M***** hornets (hopefully). On the other hand, M***** hornets no longer seem to be a thing nowadays.

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2 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Consider it lucky that they weren't M***** hornets (hopefully). On the other hand, M***** hornets no longer seem to be a thing nowadays.

They were actually wasps.  I never want to **** anything so going down that road eventually leads to a wasp nest the size of a dinner plate.  I had to get rid of them though.  The nest was right in the doorway of the shed so every time I back out the riding mower I'm going to get attacked.

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I did some laundry, and I went for a walk, so that's something. The movie theaters are supposed to open soon, so as much as I want to go, certain people say that's one of the worst places to go, and yeah I don't blame them, they are kind of dirty at times. What do you guys think?

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22 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I did some laundry, and I went for a walk, so that's something. The movie theaters are supposed to open soon, so as much as I want to go, certain people say that's one of the worst places to go, and yeah I don't blame them, they are kind of dirty at times. What do you guys think?

People say a lot of things about the virus and nobody seems to really be right.  Just live your life however you want is my suggestion.

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32 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I did some laundry, and I went for a walk, so that's something. The movie theaters are supposed to open soon, so as much as I want to go, certain people say that's one of the worst places to go, and yeah I don't blame them, they are kind of dirty at times. What do you guys think?

I think if you're careful you'll be fine, I am waiting desperately for the distance to be reduced so I can have a sparring session again

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I'm...well, I've been better. I think something is wrong with my brain cause I've been turned on for years and years by something that, by all means, shouldn't have that kind of effect. Nothing illegal, mind you, but it's definitely obscure and questionable and I don't know how to handle it.

Edited by DialAForAlan
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Defeated, trapped, and hopeless.   🙁

I was feeling better, so I hope this is just a very temporary setback.  This d*mned depression is just so ... frustrating!  One step forward and two steps back.  

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3 hours ago, DialAForAlan said:

I'm...well, I've been better. I think something is wrong with my brain cause I've been turned on for years and years by something that, by all means, shouldn't have that kind of effect. Nothing illegal, mind you, but it's definitely obscure and questionable and I don't know how to handle it.

Maybe just a fetish or kink? There are millions of them. An endless array. I'm not immune to it myself. I wonder how you could safely explore this issue. It may be more positive than you think. 

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I get that, but it really shouldn't be that way unless you know it to be illegal.

Anyhow, videos and pics are always good. I've also found messageboards where people post that, but also discuss the psychology of the fetish or kink. It's really been helpful for me. 

Edited by Handon Frypan
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33 minutes ago, Handon Frypan said:

My mind has been full of thoughts, lately, generally relating to what I feel is a decaying rapport with my family, and a decaying sense of what family and love really are. I kind of want off the merry-go-round, but don't want to die.

I also don't want to give the wrong idea and force family away even more quickly. I had a short FB exchange with an aunt which felt really good. She also connected me to a market party that a cousin was hosting online.

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Had a WONDERFULL day...

My loving ex sent a letter to my employer making some nasty accusations. Nothing like being called into the Boss' office and hearing you are being 'investigated' by HR

Right now I am WONDERing what I did to deserve this, and WONDERING how to survive...

Edited by user1492
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On 7/13/2020 at 6:51 AM, sober4life said:

It's true.  You can't really beat the system because they are allowed to make up any rules they want every step of the way.  We've been shown this year we have no rights.  At any time they can tell us what to do and that can be anything and we have to comply or there will be consequences end of story. 

I agree!

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On 7/27/2020 at 3:35 PM, sober4life said:

I dream about mom every day.  My mind needs that because it's the only time anyone really cares about me.  What a joke it would be if I had a near death experience.  The voices in the hospital room would be saying get his wallet before he wakes up.

@sober4life Hugs for you!

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

People say a lot of things about the virus and nobody seems to really be right.  Just live your life however you want is my suggestion.

Yes, though sometimes it feels as though common courtesy has gone out the window (not meaning anyone here, but what I've seen on the street). If someone kindly requests that I stay six feet away, I will respect their wishes, whether or not I think they're silly.

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On 7/28/2020 at 8:24 AM, sober4life said:

They were actually wasps.  I never want to **** anything so going down that road eventually leads to a wasp nest the size of a dinner plate.  I had to get rid of them though.  The nest was right in the doorway of the shed so every time I back out the riding mower I'm going to get attacked.

They're already building another nest and I'm letting them do it because I feel bad for them.  Bees are like birds.  They will try to put their nest in the same place every time.  So I've been getting stung by them for 3 years now.😒

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

They're already building another nest and I'm letting them do it because I feel bad for them. 

In my state there are 'extension agents' who have knowledge of yard and garden issues and resources they can check with if they do not know the answer.  If your state has these 'agents', you can check with one of them about a 'nature friendly' way of discouraging the wasp nest in that particular location.  I think extension agents are assigned at the county level.  Good luck!

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Tired of the virus and the mask bull. This is all starting to seem ridiculous. Can't wait to never have another thought in my head. God's purpose for me is to clean people's toilets and there stinky laundry. Oh what a great God thank you so much for your blessings during this wonderful life. What a blessing.

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