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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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1 hour ago, APFSDS said:

I feel abandoned. Not lonely, but just thrown in the bin. 👍I deserve this

No, you do not!  None of us do.  That is what makes all this pain so tragic.

 I understand the feeling.  Feel free to vent it here.  Sometimes it helps.  :console:

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Hello to all, it's been a a while since I've been here. Right now I just feel exhausted as I've been up most of the night like many other nights. In the past I have reached a points of hopelessness and can tell you the depression takes on a whole new meaning when you become hopeless that it will ever change. About three years ago I finally took a leap of faith and started volunteering at a local ministry and became involved very much in my church. I also started therapy, so I really believe I was on the right path. I don't know about you guys but there have been so many eureka moments in my life where I would think I had the answer and things were going to get better but was shot down every time. Volunteering at the hand of hope and my church was a really good choice as I was able to get out of myself and help others. My pastor ran the place and it became too much for him and he resigned. As I cannot drive he would pick me up every morning and take me back home and that ended and finding rides is not so easy plus this virus crap of course I still go to church and was really excited the first year but again I started resenting God and would just sit there in my depression and negative thoughts. For the past couple of weeks now and especially today I feel absolutely hopeless and have no idea how to make things better, how to deal with this depression and loneliness and I still use my prescription medications to self medicate but that only makes it worse now. I've also fallen into thinking that at age 52 that it's possibly too late for me anyway and that I'm going to die with too many regrets to count. I'm somewhat of a leader in our church and I'm asked to pray for the congregation a lot but at home there ain't much praying and when I do pray is that God would take me away from it all and not make me wake up the next morning. Throughout the day I'm constantly thinking about how to commit suicide and if there was a painless way to do it, I would but I'm also a coward. I mean each month I get from my doctor 120 Vicodin and 90 Xanax and also 90 Adderall so if I could get over my fear I think all three at one time would do the trick. On the depression forum I've always told people that were suicidal that something good could be right around the corner and I've held on for that reason to but I just don't see it anymore. Thanks for letting me vent and I wish only good things for everyone here...

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Not good.  Still very much emotionally crushed by the breakup yesterday.  Went to a (AA) meeting and that helped for a little while.  And hell, I’m still sober, so there’s that.  I just feel like shit.  I love Kelly and I miss her dreadfully but the only choice I have is to let go.  So actually, I really don’t have a choice at all.

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After drawing a humanized version, I'm even more certain that I have feelings for the character I kinda mentioned on the previous page. More than anything, I need to gush about them but I really don't need to be labeled by the more ignorant people in the tumblr self-shipping community. TLDR; this is a frustrating 'now what' situation.

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On 7/22/2020 at 10:35 PM, TopekaK said:

Been crying since the 4th.  

And, our president is playing very dangerous games. Portland, Chicago, where next?

It's like the show Criminal Minds.  Federal law enforcement can't help unless these places ask for their help but because the politics are worse in this country than they've ever been they can't admit they're asking for that help.

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6 hours ago, DialAForAlan said:

After drawing a humanized version, I'm even more certain that I have feelings for the character I kinda mentioned on the previous page. More than anything, I need to gush about them but I really don't need to be labeled by the more ignorant people in the tumblr self-shipping community. TLDR; this is a frustrating 'now what' situation.

Feel free to do so, even if you don't name them by name. I think this forum is pretty safe on this front... I have not seen many people judge or hate here, and the ones that do tend to get politely asked to leave. As before, I do not want to pry, but I suppose prying is part of human nature, especially if I've had similar experiences in the past.

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Hi everyone. I haven't been on here very much, if at all lately. 

I got laid off yesterday. It stung and still stings today. On the one hand, I can view this more positively since I hated my company and desperately wanted to leave, but on the other hand, I am now unemployed and have the stress and pressure of having to find a job within a certain timeframe. 

I pray I will not have to just take the first job that comes along. I hope and pray I can land a far better job this time around. 

I keep trying to think of any and all positives around this. I can take a much needed mental health break, which I also desperately needed. My job was getting to me. So that's good too. 

I hope everyone is doing Ok during these crazy crazy times. 

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Worried. I've been waiting since the end of June for a Blue plush but now I'm beginning to think my order was botched somehow. Yes, I got her on preorder, and yes, I know the mail is a pain right now, but it shouldn't be taking this long even on preorder.

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36 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

 I keep trying to think of any and all positives around this. I can take a much needed mental health break, which I also desperately needed. My job was getting to me. So that's good too. 

 

I hope you can get unemployment.  If that's the case absolutely take some time to get yourself to full power mentally.  Rest and recuperate for a while.  Things will get better I fully believe that.  If you're able to hide away during some of these bad parts I fully support it.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I hope you can get unemployment.  If that's the case absolutely take some time to get yourself to full power mentally.  Rest and recuperate for a while.  Things will get better I fully believe that.  If you're able to hide away during some of these bad parts I fully support it.

Thanks, Sober! 

I can get unemployment. It's only that the extended or enhanced benefits end next week and Congress is about to pass a new bill on whether they will extend the additional pay and for how long. I am on edge, watching the news and waiting to hear what the bill says when it passes. I really need those additional funds to make ends meet. 

And yes, it's a great time to hide away and take care of my mental health. 

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Still struggling with the breakup emotionally, but what the hell do I expect?  I know this is just part of the landscape.  Nothing to do but live through it.

What’s making it so damned hard is that there’s no animosity or anger there at all.  We still have the same feelings for each other.  That’s why I’m having such an impossible time letting go.

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16 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

Still struggling with the breakup emotionally, but what the hell do I expect?  I know this is just part of the landscape.  Nothing to do but live through it.

What’s making it so damned hard is that there’s no animosity or anger there at all.  We still have the same feelings for each other.  That’s why I’m having such an impossible time letting go.

I'm sure I would be thinking if we still have the same feelings for each other why do things have to be over or are they over forever.  I don't understand people though and I never will.

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41 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm sure I would be thinking if we still have the same feelings for each other why do things have to be over or are they over forever.  I don't understand people though and I never will.

Yeah, that’s exactly where I am and how I feel.  And I just don’t have a clue what to do with that.  Ah, the joys of unrequited love.  Misery.

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On 7/22/2020 at 9:09 PM, iWantRope said:

If one isn't employed, is he/she still required to perform the work of 3-5 people, concurrently…alone with no help? (All of them PRIORITY LEVEL: MOST URGENT)

You sure that we don't work at the same place??

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2 hours ago, adamrparr said:

Still struggling with the breakup emotionally, but what the hell do I expect?  I know this is just part of the landscape.  Nothing to do but live through it.

What’s making it so damned hard is that there’s no animosity or anger there at all.  We still have the same feelings for each other.  That’s why I’m having such an impossible time letting go.

That sounds tricky as hell. I take it you are still talking with each other?

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I've arrived at the crossroads that I've mentioned before. I gotta make my choice now. Along the one path is something I've dreamed about for a very long time. On the other path is day-to-day responsibilities and familiarity. I can't have elements of both; it's all or nothing either way I go.

Of course, I'm thinking about this with a heavy amount of guilt. I want to be happy but I also don't want to let people down.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Of course, I'm thinking about this with a heavy amount of guilt. I want to be happy but I also don't want to let people down.

I understand your conflict.  However, you absolutely must take care of yourself -- whatever path that takes you down.  Decide what is right for you, and no regrets!  You will not be letting anyone down by doing what is right for you.

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I had a family reunion today so 10 minutes of awkward conversation that could have been anything.  It could have even been in another language who knows followed by feeling like I was sitting with aliens for an hour and 50 minutes waiting for someone else anyone else to say they're leaving first so you can leave at the same time.

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