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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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I’m not doing well at all.  The main problem is that I simply don’t believe in myself anymore.  I used to.  If I knew how to overcome that one problem, everything would be so much closer to okay.

 I’m on here, and I’m really not even sure why.  I don’t want to say the same things over and over.  I don’t see the point in it.  Fractured right now, but I guess I have been for a long time now.

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21 minutes ago, adamrparr said:

I’m not doing well at all.  The main problem is that I simply don’t believe in myself anymore.  I used to.  If I knew how to overcome that one problem, everything would be so much closer to okay.

 I’m on here, and I’m really not even sure why.  I don’t want to say the same things over and over.  I don’t see the point in it.  Fractured right now, but I guess I have been for a long time now.

I believe in you but at the same time I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  We're both probably very depressed to have these feelings.  This year has knocked me down into the deepest depths of hopelessness I've ever been in.  It's been the hardest year of my life.

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Not bad, for once. Every summer has a "theme" for me. When it's over, I pick whatever meant the most to me - usually a mental process or path of development - and then make a mix album with all the influential songs from the season. This year's theme has already sort of been assigned as "acceptance". I've had to accept a lot already. But I have, in fact, accepted it.

 

I think.

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9 hours ago, adamrparr said:

I’m not doing well at all.  The main problem is that I simply don’t believe in myself anymore.  I used to.  If I knew how to overcome that one problem, everything would be so much closer to okay.

 I’m on here, and I’m really not even sure why.  I don’t want to say the same things over and over.  I don’t see the point in it.  Fractured right now, but I guess I have been for a long time now.

Sorry to hear you are not doing well!  We missed you.  Please continue to post.  

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On 7/15/2020 at 4:38 PM, Devlinkyla said:

My teeth are so bad I got one pulled agin today kinda hurts but it feels better then it did 

I"ve got bad teeth too. But it would cost north of $20,000 to make my mouth look respectable again. As if I have that kind of scratch just laying around.

I've had three teeth yanked so far...another one coming up soon. Dentistry is such a racket.

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23 hours ago, adamrparr said:

I’m not doing well at all.  The main problem is that I simply don’t believe in myself anymore.  I used to.  If I knew how to overcome that one problem, everything would be so much closer to okay.

 I’m on here, and I’m really not even sure why.  I don’t want to say the same things over and over.  I don’t see the point in it.  Fractured right now, but I guess I have been for a long time now.

Hey, sorry my friend. That's my main problem as well. I don't believe in myself. I don't feel capable of succeeding at much of anything. I reach the point where I don't even want to try...because it wil be just another exercise in futility. After getting zapped a million times from pushing the button, you realize at some point you should stop pushing the button.

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7 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I"ve got bad teeth too. But it would cost north of $20,000 to make my mouth look respectable again. As if I have that kind of scratch just laying around.

I've had three teeth yanked so far...another one coming up soon. Dentistry is such a racket.

At the end people will start saying you should just pull the rest of your teeth.  My last xray technically I had some teeth but they were all black inside.  The dentist said it was some of the worst teeth he's ever seen.

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8 minutes ago, sober4life said:

At the end people will start saying you should just pull the rest of your teeth.  My last xray technically I had some teeth but they were all black inside.  The dentist said it was some of the worst teeth he's ever seen.

I grind my teeth while I"m sleeping and then they crack. Once they crack, they fall apart. I had one fixed a few years ago for $1000. Of course it is now broken again. I'll soon be eating nothing but jello for the rest of my life.

 

Edited by JD4010
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23 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I grind my teeth while I"m sleeping and then they crack. Once they crack, they fall apart. I had one fixed a few years ago for $1000. Of course it is now broken again. I'll soon be eating nothing but jello for the rest of my life.

 

It's ridiculous because you could probably get full dentures for less than that.  I just saw a do it yourself denture kit for 38 dollars wow.😲The eating nothing but jello thing is a myth for the most part.  Someone I knew was an alcholic and all of his teeth were gone and he never got dentures.  His gums over time got tough enough to eat anything.

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On 7/19/2020 at 6:11 PM, adamrparr said:

I’m on here, and I’m really not even sure why.  I don’t want to say the same things over and over.

I, for one, do not mind if you say the same thing multiple times.  Heck, almost everyone posting here repeats some version of 'I feel good/better' or 'I feel bad/worse' multiple times.  It is the nature of the beast (depression).  Keep in touch ... please?

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I feel a little worried after being reminded about the subject of teeth.  Mine are bad but still 'serviceable'.  My dentist says they are about at the point of not being able to be fixed anymore.  Most likely I will start losing some soon and have to get a partial -- if I can afford it.  It is always something. <*sigh*>

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I"ve got bad teeth too. But it would cost north of $20,000 to make my mouth look respectable again. As if I have that kind of scratch just laying around.

I've had three teeth yanked so far...another one coming up soon. Dentistry is such a racket.

Yea it is

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2 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

I feel a little worried after being reminded about the subject of teeth.  Mine are bad but still 'serviceable'.  My dentist says they are about at the point of not being able to be fixed anymore.  Most likely I will start losing some soon and have to get a partial -- if I can afford it.  It is always something. <*sigh*>

Sorry 😔

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trying to be optimistic, i went for a walk, and now i am thinking about how I've been to have such wonderful people in my life especially from this forum who always give me advice on the days i want to give up and cry because this illness robs of us of our life ..thanks everyone..its much easier to explain the way i feel to you guys because you guys live it and understand me, than others who just said "Relax , it will be okay, have faith new treatments come out all the time, etc"..

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I’ve had a good number of bad things happen over the last few months.  Many of them I’ve brought on myself.  ‘Tis true.  I have a number of things that I need to examine very closely.  I’ve begun that.

For now, I’ll just say this.  I’ve hit a bottom.  I don’t want to go any further down.  Sick & tired of it.

Much of what has to change is the way I choose to think a lot of the time.  My mindset is far too negative automatically.  I’m working on that.

For the last couple of days I’ve been talking to a very good friend whom I met on here some time ago.  I committed to getting social.  It really helped.  It helped me stay in the moment, and it helped my mindset.  I began to think more positively.  I gained a grain of self confidence.  I also helped my friend in the process.  It’s been great talking with them & we made small commitments to make small, but very significant changes for ourselves, just for today.  That’s much more than we’ve done for ourselves in a long time.

Helping others is always a great way to live, to stay in the moment, and to remain Grateful.  The natural byproduct is that we feel better about ourselves too.

I resolved to do something that I’ve had an extremely difficult time with historically.  I’ve given myself a set bedtime, followed it for the last two nights, and more importantly, gave myself a set wake up time for the morning.  Yesterday, I failed to get up on time. This morning though, not only did I stick to it, which is miraculous, but I actually woke up early & didn’t need my alarms.  I believe this means that I actually do want to change.

I have a few plans for the day.  Nothing major but more than I did yesterday.  Productive things.  Reasonable goals.  Just for today.  If I wish to change things, this is simply how I must live my life.

I do wish everyone a better day today than they had yesterday.

Peace be upon you.

Edited by adamrparr
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Helpless and scared. I have feelings for a certain character and it's really unorthodox (or maybe even cringey) so idk how to handle it cause it's my first time with something like this. I mean, I know I can't help who I love, but this is really something else. I don't want to be hated or have things assumed about me over it, but at the same time I'm not sure how much longer I can hold in my feelings.

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17 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Why??? Only naive people are optimistic, the kind who don't believe seat belts, fire extinguishers, or antivirus are necessary

to each his own, i can't judge you or anyone else, so please don't judge me like that .. some days i try to be optimistic that things will get better, and some days i cant ..i am thankful for this forum and come to here and find support from others who give me that optimism back to continue fighting this battle..and i hope i do the same for others when they are having a bad day..

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I’m sitting here waiting on a text from my girlfriend.  Could be ok, could be of the worst kind.  Have made a few mistakes recently,  though nothing too serious.  Given the dynamic over the last few days though, my gut tells me that it might not be a very good conversation.

Ooohoooohhh, the terrible uncertainty & anxiety.  Nothing to do but sit and wait for it to be over.

😔

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I feel okay. I like hearing when other people are doing okay. I've been down the road so many times that I'm tired of going down it. I know I will again at some point, I know it, but every minute I have some control, I won't do it willingly.

 

Thank you to those who wake up each day with a new set of eyes; you help me see possibility. Thank you to those who admit when they can't control anything; you help me see the measure of the enemy. Thank you to those who recognize their victories; it helps me identify my own flag. Most importantly, thank you to those who lend a hand to others, for it is only in giving that we receive.

 

Peace be upon you indeed.

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