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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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I have been reading the posts about some of you feeling bad, and I am so sorry.  I wish everyone could feel better.  That sounds sad and kinda Pollyanna, but I mean it.   

Then I got kinda angry thinking about how it is not fair how we seem to suffer so much for no good reason.  In the 4th of July theme, it almost makes me want to go find someone who so richly deserves it and stick a lit firecracker up their b*tt!  I am sure we could all suggest candidates for that 'award'.  (Huh!  Starting with the 'candidates'.)   🤨

OK, venting over.

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I feel bad because I'm realizing the truth about everything and everyone.  I use too much of my downtime to figure out the world around me and I've never figured out anything good yet.  The truths about most things will make you run screaming.

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

I feel bad because I'm realizing the truth about everything and everyone.

Please be careful that the 'truth' you are realizing is not depression lying to you.  Now that my depressive episode is starting to lift, I am beginning to understand that at least some of my 'dismal truths' are really depression's lies.  Of course it did not seem that way at the time!  That is the whole problem.

Hang in there; we care about you!  💕  (((*Hugs*)))

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I had another cousin pass away this past week (due to a motorcycle accident this time). It's already been devastating enough but my oldest brother has made things 100x more stressful. He doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself...how do you interact with a person who lacks empathy, morals, or compassion? I don't know what to do to help my Dad because he will not kick him out, even in the midst of a pandemic. My dad is so broken. I will be moving out as soon as Dad can start going out safely on his own again. I know I'm not going to **** myself, but I thought of writing a note and started crying. I just want all the pain to stop and I don't know how to make it stop. Not just mine but people that I love. All I see is pain and suffering. I don't even care if I hurt anymore, I just want my dad and other brother to be happy. And it seems impossible.

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49 minutes ago, jkd_sd said:

Please be careful that the 'truth' you are realizing is not depression lying to you.  Now that my depressive episode is starting to lift, I am beginning to understand that at least some of my 'dismal truths' are really depression's lies.  Of course it did not seem that way at the time!  That is the whole problem.

Hang in there; we care about you!  💕  (((*Hugs*)))

I'm glad you're starting to feel better.❤️I won't give up ever.  When I tell my story to someone down the road of how I survived this situation I will tell them someone always seemed to piss me off at just the right time to create the anger to drive me through this. 

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19 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

 In the 4th of July theme, it almost makes me want to go find someone who so richly deserves it and stick a lit firecracker up their b*tt!  I am sure we could all suggest candidates for that 'award'.  (Huh!  Starting with the 'candidates'.)   🤨

Just rewatched a movie titled:  "God Bless America."  It's free on tubitv.  It's a fantasy, a dark comedy, and it's about a depressed person who's taken your advice to heart.  There's also a nice twist on romance.

Bulga

Edited by Bulgakov
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1 hour ago, Bulgakov said:

Just rewatched a movie titled:  "God Bless America." 

I have not seen the movie, but I just read the plot on a web site.  Wow!  I think they took things just a little further than I was thinking of.   😳 

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Just now, jkd_sd said:

I have not seen the movie, but I just read the plot on a web site.  Wow!  I think they took things just a little further than I was thinking of.

Yeah, a plot synopsis might make it sound like a slap dash Bonnie and Clyde.  It's smart and well written, satirizing a load of current cultural problems--our current problems I mean.  Though violence is a main subject it's not a violent movie, people are dispatched cleanly with only a splat of blood.  The main character explains that it's kindness, or more correctly the galling lack of it, that motivates him--like the Grateful Dead "mean people suck" motto.  For me, it's also hilarious a lot, but it is a comedy, and a fantasy.  

Thanks for looking it up, Bulgakov

 

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Frustrated. I was suggested hospitalisation.
I won't be able to go on my long walks, I won't be able to visit home, nobody is allowed to visit at the hospital due to some genius on the other side of the planet thinking that pangolin scales make one's willy bigger and the rest is edible.

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I haven't been on for awhile, sorry. Nothing new to report; I merely continue to coast along through life while wishing I had fewer external issues controlling me.

@sober4lifeCongrats on the new position! I grew up on a farm so I know how much work in involved. I'm envious in a way because there was satisfaction when a job was completed.

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53 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I haven't been on for awhile, sorry. Nothing new to report; I merely continue to coast along through life while wishing I had fewer external issues controlling me.

@sober4lifeCongrats on the new position! I grew up on a farm so I know how much work in involved. I'm envious in a way because there was satisfaction when a job was completed.

The job never worked out.  I'm not doing well enough for it right now if I'm being honest.  I used the excuse of me being allergic to the hay to be able to hide away here.  The farmer will be another person I will run away from when I see him I'm sure.

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On 6/27/2020 at 8:47 PM, sober4life said:

Thank you!❤️  Well I know I'm going to be stacking hay bales, cutting trees and mowing for sure. 

Congratulations and I am so excited for you.  Be blessed and enjoy your new beginnings at happiness 

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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

The job never worked out.  I'm not doing well enough for it right now if I'm being honest.  I used the excuse of me being allergic to the hay to be able to hide away here.  The farmer will be another person I will run away from when I see him I'm sure.

Wow, I’m so sorry to hear this my friend but for a moment it did bring you some happiness and contentment and perhaps even some hope in the near future 

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Well, things for me has been difficult.  I was tested for the Coronavirus because I was experiencing some symptoms of the virus.  I have been put on isolation from family and friends for ten days.  I got my results back today after being on lockdown for six days and yes that also included 4th of July.  My results was negative for the Coronavirus but since the doctor expected it I am still being treated like I am positive for ten days.  I have four more days to go before I am free to move about people again.  Other than that life have been Ok! I am trying to be up beat about things and I am making something good out of a difficult situation.  I have been outside beautifying my yard.  If nothing else at least my yard is bringing me some happiness when I overlook the work I have done in the last two days.  Be blessed everyone. Floor 2017

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On 7/5/2020 at 10:51 AM, Kogent5 said:

I had another cousin pass away this past week (due to a motorcycle accident this time). It's already been devastating enough but my oldest brother has made things 100x more stressful. He doesn't care about anyone or anything but himself...how do you interact with a person who lacks empathy, morals, or compassion? I don't know what to do to help my Dad because he will not kick him out, even in the midst of a pandemic. My dad is so broken. I will be moving out as soon as Dad can start going out safely on his own again. I know I'm not going to **** myself, but I thought of writing a note and started crying. I just want all the pain to stop and I don't know how to make it stop. Not just mine but people that I love. All I see is pain and suffering. I don't even care if I hurt anymore, I just want my dad and other brother to be happy. And it seems impossible.

Kogent5, that sucks big time.   My deepest sympathy to you.

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