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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 2/19/2020 at 8:03 PM, sober4life said:

I remember the times when I was happier.  I was happier because I had a more naive attitude about life.  I believed there was some good in the world.  I don't believe that anymore and even if there is good in the world evil is in full control so I lose.

same here

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Sadness was a drag all day but worse in the evening. I played forlorn music, then some heartbreaking TV until finally some tears came. I felt a little better after that. Not finding a specific cause for this so I'll assign it isolation. 

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I was close to giving up but then someone offered me a job on their farm.  This man has known my family my whole life and he knows the type of workers dad and grandpa were at my age.  That's what he's expecting and that's what he's going to get.  I'm going to have a chance to make grandpa proud which is something I never thought I would have the chance to do.

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14 minutes ago, jkd_sd said:

Way to go, @sober4life!  I am so glad for you!   😃   🎉   🎈   :Coopyahoo:   Wishing you all the best in your new endeavor.  Hopefully, the universe is on a roll, and I will be next.

I hope so I want you to have a wonderful life.  I would give anything for that to happen.  I'm happy to be able to work with some of the cows that I see every day.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

I'm happy to be able to work with some of the cows that I see every day.

Hey!  Does this mean you will get to meet the cow that always has a bird on her head?  Cool!

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I was close to giving up but then someone offered me a job on their farm.  This man has known my family my whole life and he knows the type of workers dad and grandpa were at my age.  That's what he's expecting and that's what he's going to get.  I'm going to have a chance to make grandpa proud which is something I never thought I would have the chance to do.

How I feel right now is literally happy for you. Literally.

 

All that time spent outdoors with chainsaws and tree-cutting and horseflies and cattle-gazing might have brought something to your life after all. I wonder what you'll be doing?

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4 minutes ago, Tymothi said:

How I feel right now is literally happy for you. Literally.

 

All that time spent outdoors with chainsaws and tree-cutting and horseflies and cattle-gazing might have brought something to your life after all. I wonder what you'll be doing?

Thank you!❤️  Well I know I'm going to be stacking hay bales, cutting trees and mowing for sure. 

Edited by sober4life
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31 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Thank you!❤️  Well I know I'm going to be stacking hay bales, cutting trees and mowing for sure. 

You can do all of those things no problem now! You might really be onto something! 

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Worried, frustrated, disappointed, apathetic, withdrawn, sensitive and courageous. 

Worry and anxiety are hanging out together, dancing in my torso. Frustrated and disappointed are tightening a scew between my eyes. Courageous is in my legs, bidding me to walk cause motion breaks stagnation. Sensitive is radiating in my chest and its telling me if I want to shout in anger -- or cry in anger -- it's okay, just let it rip. 

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13 hours ago, Tymothi said:

You can do all of those things no problem now! You might really be onto something! 

It's jobs I can do plus he might have some tools I can borrow to finish other projects here at the house.

Edited by sober4life
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17 hours ago, DialAForAlan said:

Confused and slightly anxious. Like, there's so much I want to post but I'd probably put it in the wrong subforum or something, feel humiliated, and end up leaving.

You don't have to worry about posting here.  We want to hear everything you want to post.  I know how you feel but I feel this is a safe place.

Edited by sober4life
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30 minutes ago, sober4life said:

You don't have to worry about posting here.  We want to hear everything you want to post.  I know how you feel but I feel this is a safe place.

Thanks, I really needed that.

And right now I'm feeling hopeful for reasons I can't disclose yet.

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Forsaken, isolated, abandoned: part of me wants to believe that friends are surreptitiously convening for drinks and fun without me. I have zero evidence, it's a story my mind tells me. Probably cause I'm lonely?

Critical, indignant, suspicious: I wonder if the leadership of my support group simply wants to maintain status quo until the pandemic ends? 

Outraged, annoyed, disappointed: I read a social media post and an article in a crappy newspaper. Unsurprisingly what was written there bothered me. I just had to look though.

Devoted, kind, helpful: brought lunch to my mom, bought her groceries, cooked a meal at her home. 

Proud, self-reliant, positive: a newsletter needed to be completed by this evening. I didn't know what the theme would be or what I'd put in it. Didn't worry all day, I felt assured I'd find something. 

Considerate, responsive, cooperative: planning a video gathering for my brother's birthday next week. 

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@Atra, thank you for your willingness and effort in posting your feelings so eloquently!  

I have been struggling with feeling so 'competent' and 'incompetent' at dealing with life in general.  ...  "They can't both be true.  Right?"  It has not been enough to understand intellectually that both are not only possible, but are.  While reading your last post, it just hit me that this is what has been so difficult for me lately.  Now I can try to work through it.  

Thanks again.  You have accomplished your good deed for the day,   😉

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I went for my morning walk and the man I was supposed to work for drove past me twice and didn't stop either time.  When I got to his house he moved all of his vehicles in the backyard behind his house so I would think nobody was home.

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On 6/26/2020 at 6:30 PM, sober4life said:

They do the same thing to you here in the US when you're disabled.  You still have a full time job.  Your full time job is now going to every local doctor within a 100 miles of where you live and sometimes beyond.  Mom went through that and they tried to send me down the same path.  When mom passed away I made sure I lost my Medicaid as soon as possible so there is at least some hope.  If I had Medicare and Medicaid still I sure wouldn't be here right now.  I'd be slobbering all over myself in some corner of a local facility not knowing who I was or where I was because I was so doped.  What a joke when they try to say this world is all inclusive.  Well I guess I am included but not in any way I want to be.  The only way I survive this story is if the world forgets me and leaves me behind.

You are correct Sober.  My full time job is runnng around trying to find doctors who will see me and fill out insurance forms.  It is almost impossible since most doctors refuse to deal with insurance compaines. 

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3 hours ago, watalife said:

@sober4life sounds like my life story. I thought you had a deal going!? 😞

I'm not going to let this bother me.  In fact I didn't let it stop me for one second today.  I swatted him away so to speak like he was a fly and actually had a pretty productive day.  There are a million reasons why he might be acting the way he's acting and I will not let myself get paranoid and overreact like I always do.  I can imagine what's going on but I won't do anything until I know for sure.

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@sober4life, I am confused, too.  Pardon my nosiness, but did he actually withdraw his offer of a job?  

It is too easy to have miscommunication with someone.  Heaven knows I have done it often enough!  When he drove by you but did not wave, he might have been deep in thought about something and not even noticed you.  Or he might have wanted to not bother you if you were busy thinking.  Could he have put the vehicles behind the house so he could mow in front, get them into the shade, or use the space for another reason?    

I am not trying to make excuses for him.  It is just that many times I have thought I understood the 'clues' someone was sending but was wrong.  Sometimes it has been rather embarrassing, too.  🙄

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