sober4life Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 18 hours ago, Tymothi said: I'm grateful that you said this. I'm struggling with how much worse off I am now physically than before quarantine. I suppose if you can remove the self-defeatist mind talk out of the equation during that critical moment of huffing and puffing, and just keep moving slowly forward, persistence will pay off. I always theorize about that but it's good to know the thought is legit because somebody else did it. It is fascinating how much influence our thoughts have over our reality. I guess right now I feel slightly better. 🙂 I keep myself in shape because of delusional thinking mostly. I convince myself people will put me away somewhere if there is anything wrong in my life at all. So I convince myself I have to do it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womanofthelight Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Like regret is eating me alive. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 4 hours ago, JD4010 said: Oh no. What's happening, my dear? My anxiety and depression are ******* me that and my ant just told me she has cancer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Well I talk to my doctor over the phone at five so in a hour and a half about I don’t know what she’s going to say am doing very bad so we shall see I’ll post later how it goes 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hertz Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Angry, hateful, bitter, sour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikayla Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 On 6/10/2020 at 5:20 AM, Depressedgurl007 said: still awful. horrible. terrible. really how am i supposed to get out of this hole? i can't take it anymore. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tymothi Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 Truly and fundamentally unpleasant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Devlinkyla said: Well I talk to my doctor over the phone at five so in a hour and a half about I don’t know what she’s going to say am doing very bad so we shall see I’ll post later how it goes We changed meds so that might help went very well 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 I can't remember the last time anyone was here and I don't expect anyone to ever come here again. I'll never have a friend again or anyone that is on my side in this life. I'll be alone until I die. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Depressedgurl007 Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, JD4010 said: Yikes. I haven't been following your story close enough I guess. What is going on, if you don't mind me asking? It’s been like this for many years I guess I just needed a place to vent. He can’t stand my attitude and anger management issues and depression and he said to give him a week to decide. I still love him n I’m trying so hard to just take one step forward every single day, but if I’m only making him worse then there’s nothing I can do. Only time will tell. Thanks for asking it means a lot to me. Edited June 12, 2020 by Depressedgurl007 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikayla Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 7 hours ago, sober4life said: I can't remember the last time anyone was here and I don't expect anyone to ever come here again. I'll never have a friend again or anyone that is on my side in this life. I'll be alone until I die. ..oh, no, sober, I'm sure you'll have a friend🙂 I truly believe if I am able to have some good friends, everybody can. It seems to me, it's a bit harder to get some new friends though, or a boyfriend. I guess, I don't even try🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Mikayla said: ..oh, no, sober, I'm sure you'll have a friend🙂 I truly believe if I am able to have some good friends, everybody can. It seems to me, it's a bit harder to get some new friends though, or a boyfriend. I guess, I don't even try🙂 Yeah I guess I can't hide away here in the woods avoiding people at all costs and also complain that nobody ever comes around. Which one is it that I really want? The truth is I crave being around people because of my depression. I also "need" to get out of here all the time because of my anxiety. It's a mistake every time I leave this property unless I'm going for a walk. That's the truth. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 doing ok,...a little more alive since things are slowly opening up ...this isolation had me going very anxious and scared not being able to see my friends or go out ...now that things are slowly opening up it feels weird, but in a nice way....hopefully things get better soon..the very few friends i have i still haven't seen because some are afraid of going out.. i hope everyone is doing well 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 It's endless cleaning and throwing things away and burning things and rearranging things and spring cleaning and working on my property inside and out anything to feel like my life has some type of order to it but it won't work. It will never work. One day I will wake up and realize it's over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tymothi Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 Surprisingly okay. My evening walk was very nice, and I feel like I might have made some progress. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 i don't really care for anything anymore....what a waste of time this life is.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWantRope Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 2 hours ago, ladysmurf said: i don't really care for anything anymore....what a waste of time this life is.. I'm almost at this point I just wish, for the first time in 3 years; just ONE THING to not result in a disastrous catastrophe 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 13, 2020 Share Posted June 13, 2020 Today wasn't too bad. I saw the eagle balancing on one leg on the huge power tower during my walk. I'm sure people will say that was a hallucination. Well why of all things would my mind think it needed to see an eagle balancing on one leg? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 On 6/4/2020 at 1:53 PM, Handon Frypan said: I have an emptiness in me and I'm not sure why. Not sure if a nap will make it better or worse. Much of the same, but I've been catnapping. Tomorrow should be better. Farmer's market and all. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 Watching the news every day there is less hope. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkd_sd Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) Kinda like the coin in one one of those contraptions that looks like a big, sloped funnel. The coin rolls around and around the funnel, starting near the outer rim. Slowly, at first. Then gravity pulls it gradually toward the center, and the coin rolls faster and faster -- until it almost 'fires' down the center of the funnel like a bullet out of the barrel of a gun. Inevitable. I have been trying to pull myself out of this current depressive episode. It does not look that difficult or complicated, but I just keep going round and round. Slowly losing ground and picking up speed. It feels like I will eventually have no choice but to plunge down the hole of total failure. Inevitable. I always swore I would be very careful about what I revealed on the internet since any hack anywhere can get at the info and use it against you. But there it is. [It is night, and everything looks darker then. Maybe things will look better in daylight. ??] Edited June 14, 2020 by jkd_sd ammended 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindahurt Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I feel blessed. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnonymousFJ Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I feeling terrible but the medicine is starting to kick in so watch this space 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womanofthelight Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I feel like I shouldn't have chugged that bottle of diet A&W root beer. Aspartame gives me migraines and tinnitus, so I'd better go to bed before the s h i t hits the fan. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tymothi Posted June 14, 2020 Share Posted June 14, 2020 I feel okay. I had a lucid dream the other night, and it exhumed a lot from the unconscious. I woke up with new realizations about why my wife left me, and how far back the roots of her discontent reached. The dream put things in perspective and I woke up thinking - no, knowing - that there were mistakes on both sides, and neither of us did anything to deliberately hurt each other. We were both just immature and protective of each other's emotions. I had even seen signs early on and didn't take action. It wasn't "bad", it was just a highly uncomfortable learning process through which there was no other way to proceed. So it's bittersweet, but I'm a bit more at peace with what happened. I wish I knew how to induce those sorts of dreams... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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