Atra Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 On 6/4/2020 at 6:03 AM, jkd_sd said: I - have - had - enough!! I know it is my responsibility to take care of my own life -- the world does not owe me a living with all the trimmings. But I do not care anymore! I have tried and tried to do what I am supposed to and fulfill all my responsibilities. I know that feeling and it is tough! You sound fatigued and frustrated. For me that feels like paddling in a sailboat, pleading for just a small breeze to come blowing in the direction I'm going. Yet it sounds like you've taken the view that this too shall pass and I hope so. I believe in your fortitude and you frequently sound determined and optimistic so I'm wishing for a few more things to go your way. Anything I can do to help see you through this rough period, let me know. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Still awake seems to be the new thing for me once a two times a week 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atra Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Saturday 2:49 AM Uncomfortable feelings: FEARFUL frightened, unsafe, threatened anxious, worried, overwhelmed, breathless weak, small, powerless ANGRY Bitter, outraged, frustrated Distant, numb I'm still reconciling the events of Wednesday evening. A huge protest just a 5 minute walk from my home; helicopter, police yelling through bullhorns. My anxiety disorder triggered -- while sitting at home. Should've I just joined the protest since I couldn't relax anyhow? Would that have been better because it is action aligned with my values? Would it have been worse because of my past traumas? I wish I had certainty. SAD Vulnerable, disappointed, embarrassed SURPRISED Speechless, shocked, confused I'm finally coming to accept how quarantine conditions of some sort are expected to remain for at least the rest of this year (in my city, at least). The implications are confusing and disappointing and shocking. Does it mean that I won't enjoy a hug (let alone a kiss) for half a year? Longer? Will I be able travel, to get away from it all? I still feel like a fool when I have to turn around, return home because I forgot my face covering. I'm tired of worrying about getting sick. Comfortable feelings HAPPY/EXCITED Interested, curious, Accepted, valued, respected Cheeky Fulfilled LOVED Cared for Needed Wanted Affectionate I continue to get fulfillment from my volunteer work along with some appreciation this week. I get purpose from my paid work. Friends and family demonstrate care for me. My friend's cats offered some head bunts -- yeah that counts as physical affection! Did writing this out help at all? Kinda. It's difficult for me to draw straight lines from feelings to events when some are purely moods. It's helpful to recognize the good feelings cause they are beneath the more intense emotions like worry. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulgakov Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 (edited) On 6/3/2020 at 5:34 PM, sober4life said: I feel like I have to have extra money on me and have a bag packed and ready to go. Yeah, what's called a "bug out" bag is a possibility. I started one about three years ago. I bought a green canvas duffel, military size and style, and put a pair of old jeans in it. I've added a toothbrush and wash rag since. I'm re putting that bag on my list. Bulga Edited June 6, 2020 by Bulgakov 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon22ae Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 6 hours ago, Devlinkyla said: Still awake seems to be the new thing for me once a two times a week Day and night seem to have blurred for me... sleeping occurs whenever. Seems like another consequence of being stuck at home. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 58 minutes ago, Bulgakov said: Yeah, what's called a "bug out" bag is a possibility. I started one about three years ago. I bought a green canvas duffel, military size and style, and put a pair of old jeans in it. I've added a toothbrush and wash rag since. I'm re putting that bag on my list. Bulga I know how you feel believe me. For now I'm going to stay and fight. Going that way is the way I go when it's the only way left to go. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Well I finally got same sleep 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 I think my spring manic switch flipped today. There's no way to even describe it in words really. The way I feel during these days is stronger than any drug on this earth. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 42 minutes ago, sober4life said: I think my spring manic switch flipped today. There's no way to even describe it in words really. The way I feel during these days is stronger than any drug on this earth. I think mine has too ugh how are you feeling sober 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said: I think mine has too ugh how are you feeling sober I feel very strong. I told myself I needed to rest this weekend but holding this back isn't possible. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Just now, sober4life said: I feel very strong. I told myself I needed to rest this weekend but holding this back isn't possible. I totally understand that I been going back and forth from depression and anxiety to manic type of behavior but am still anxious but if anyone would understand to be you am still don’t understand how I can go from sleeping to much to not much 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 58 minutes ago, Devlinkyla said: I totally understand that I been going back and forth from depression and anxiety to manic type of behavior but am still anxious but if anyone would understand to be you am still don’t understand how I can go from sleeping to much to not much Well how could we have even emotions right now? The ones that are calm and acting like nothing has changed during these times are the ones I worry about. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 6, 2020 Share Posted June 6, 2020 42 minutes ago, sober4life said: Well how could we have even emotions right now? The ones that are calm and acting like nothing has changed during these times are the ones I worry about. Very true 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 7, 2020 Share Posted June 7, 2020 The neighbors are pretending to do things outside but they don't fool me. They're really watching some lunatic cut down a 40 foot tree with a ladder and hand saws. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Well am alive still so that’s good right 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Devlinkyla said: Well am alive still so that’s good right Yes we love you here! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 I have to try to rest for a few days. I'm sore from head to toe. Manic doesn't even begin to describe the past couple of days. I don't know how it's possible to automatically be the way I've been the last couple of days. It feels like I've been holding on to the back of a rocket for 2 days. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zagor Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 I feel like a robot. No emotions. Controlled by drugs. The only thing that is still there is I am not going to give up. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tymothi Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Stomach aches from eating too much bacon. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon22ae Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 In bed all day, then can't sleep at night. Feeling like crap the next day, but thinking I'll stay up so I can go to sleep... and repeat. Tough to break this pattern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkd_sd Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Honestly, not sure. The travel situation from last week 'fell apart' due to a vehicle breakdown (not mine) and is rescheduled for tomorrow. As soon as I get off this site, I need to get busy with various prep tasks. Then I will leave town for two days. Not sure how things will turn out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 On 6/6/2020 at 4:32 AM, Atra said: Is there is any way in which we might help you make a decision without straight-up advice giving? I imagine that could be helping you write out a pros and cons, playing devil's advocate, challenging the voice of doubt, naming underlying fears -- anything that you might use to make an intentional decision? Maybe not, but if you think of anything please let me know. I'd be glad of the opportunity to be a sounding board in the service of helping you make your own decision. Thanks. I greatly appreciate that offer! As is usually the case with my life, there are so many complications to factor in. Nothing is ever straightforward or simple. I suppose that's the case with everybody's life. It kinda comes down to "who am I?" I've dreamed of a different life for decades and suddenly an opportunity for it shows up. But what would I be leaving behind, and could I live with that? Status quo would be far easier of course. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 (edited) On 6/6/2020 at 5:50 AM, Atra said: Saturday 2:49 AM Uncomfortable feelings: [SNIP] Did writing this out help at all? Kinda. It's difficult for me to draw straight lines from feelings to events when some are purely moods. It's helpful to recognize the good feelings cause they are beneath the more intense emotions like worry. This is an amazing exercise. Maybe I should try it out for myself. Attempt to get the constant jumble going on in my head written down into words. This past weekend sucked in many ways. Very frustrating. Maybe now is the time to do it! Edited June 8, 2020 by JD4010 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Hey everyone am depressed agin all I want to is sleep 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watalife Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Pretty good. I'm cooking a bite of food and mindless television is interesting today 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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