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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Trying not to cave into my usual pathetic mindset. I need to rebuild myself but it's far easier to just lapse into the bad thought patterns that I've allowed myself for decades.

Yeah, and one question: "is it worth?". Was feeling like that yesterday, deep feeling, I just left myself cry, so painful. Woke up a bit better today, I don't know, maybe someday things will change, but I'm tired that it depends on me (and I wonder if it really does), I tried really hard during a lot of time.

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Shaky but determined (I think).

In case you have not noticed, depression has been getting the better of me lately, and I have a few added worries recently.  I am here posting this in an effort to encourage myself to do better by getting ready and doing some errands to start with. 

Now for some venting.  I feel like throwing a little kid's bratty temper tantrum.  I - have - had - enough!!  I know it is my responsibility to take care of my own life -- the world does not owe me a living with all the trimmings.  But I do not care anymore! I have tried and tried to do what I am supposed to and fulfill all my responsibilities.  I care about others and try to help when I can.  So where is the help for me when I need it?!?  I am tired!  Physically tired and tired of trying so hard with no results.  I am now at the point of not caring what is fair -- I need some taking care of too!  I could go on, but it would not do any good.  (As if this did!)  I just needed to blow off steam.  Maybe this rant will help give me enough energy to push forward.  Thanks for listening.

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3 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

Shaky but determined (I think).

In case you have not noticed, depression has been getting the better of me lately, and I have a few added worries recently.  I am here posting this in an effort to encourage myself to do better by getting ready and doing some errands to start with. 

Now for some venting.  I feel like throwing a little kid's bratty temper tantrum.  I - have - had - enough!!  I know it is my responsibility to take care of my own life -- the world does not owe me a living with all the trimmings.  But I do not care anymore! I have tried and tried to do what I am supposed to and fulfill all my responsibilities.  I care about others and try to help when I can.  So where is the help for me when I need it?!?  I am tired!  Physically tired and tired of trying so hard with no results.  I am now at the point of not caring what is fair -- I need some taking care of too!  I could go on, but it would not do any good.  (As if this did!)  I just needed to blow off steam.  Maybe this rant will help give me enough energy to push forward.  Thanks for listening.

I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  I believe in you and I know you can do this!:hugs:

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  I believe in you and I know you can do this!:hugs:

Thanks!  I accomplished some of the errands and plan on doing the remaining two tomorrow morning.  Then I need to continue gaining ground on other matters. It is just so frustrating that every step forward seems to be followed by at least one step backwards.  I do feel calmer though.  Maybe the venting did help.  Hope everyone is having a good day!

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45 minutes ago, Handon Frypan said:

I have an emptiness in me and I'm not sure why. Not sure if a nap will make it better or worse.

If the nap does not help, maybe some time with a pet (does not even have to be yours) will help.  Animals are great at just being there for us with no judgement.  😉

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40 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Tick-tock, time is running our for me to make a decision about which direction my life will take. My self doubt always gets the upper hand it seems.

You will choose wisely.

I am doing what I can to improve myself.  Bought lunch more than I wanted to but I am less moody.

 

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I feel a whole lot of things simultaneously.

I am high/low, here/there/everywhere. Angry/sad/elated, stupid/genius, sober/inebriated(jd and ale will do that to you, but in my case by no means a prerequisite).

Confusing and exhausting. But this how I am wired.

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45 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Tick-tock, time is running our for me to make a decision about which direction my life will take. My self doubt always gets the upper hand it seems.

Oh, can I ever relate to that!   Especially considering the tougher struggle I am having lately.  

This is definitely your decision to make.  Do not let your self doubt make the decision for you.  Take a deep breath; actively decide; and (whatever your decision) go for it!  

You have already accomplished more than you give yourself credit for.  How do I presume to know that?  By reading your posts over a stretch of time.  Remember, even if you fail at a specific attempt (which I do not expect to happen), that does not make you a failure!  At least enjoy the ride!

[Now if I could only follow my own advice. 🙄

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7 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

I feel a whole lot of things simultaneously.

I am high/low, here/there/everywhere. Angry/sad/elated, stupid/genius, sober/inebriated(jd and ale will do that to you, but in my case by no means a prerequisite).

Confusing and exhausting. But this how I am wired.

Yeah, welcome to life -- a totally 'mixed bag' package.  Nice to see your posts again.  😉

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If I ever change my user name (again) on df if would be

 

Sinster Exaggerator

"Your life is leaning downhill
Sloping off the outer edge
Your undetermined oyster beds
Were found to be a hedge
You cause the kids of Elmer Fudd
To feed the farmer whose
Cadaver's filled with onion rings
And feet are filled with glue
Now sinister exaggerator
What's your claim to fame?
Is still your favorite Ferlingetti
Found in Auntie Maim?
Your alter life is superceded
Only from above
Your hear is like a silken sponge
That calls saliva love"

I am about as whacked and surreal as both the lyrics and the music of the outstanding Resident's track.

 

I am also left-handed. Haha.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by samadhiSheol
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14 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Tick-tock, time is running our for me to make a decision about which direction my life will take. My self doubt always gets the upper hand it seems.

Is there is any way in which we might help you make a decision without straight-up advice giving? I imagine that could be helping you write out a pros and cons, playing devil's advocate, challenging the voice of doubt, naming underlying fears -- anything that you might use to make an intentional decision? 

Maybe not, but if you think of anything please let me know. I'd be glad of the opportunity to be a sounding board in the service of helping you make your own decision. 

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