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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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14 hours ago, Floor2017 said:

Thanks, and I appreciate you 

I got this idea from a tv show: keep stage blood in the house.  (It's really cheap; available at any theatrical makeup store (most likely online these days.)  The "blood" is usually mint flavored!))

Use as needed to be seen IMMEDIATELY in the ER by spilling some onto a handkerchief and holding up to your mouth while pretending to cough.  It's just too risky to ignore.  When they find out you/she is not bleeding, you can say that you're MORE upset by having to do this in order to get someone's attention!  Look at the lengths you've had to go to! 

(No joke:) SHAME ON THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY!

Edited by womanofthelight
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I'm worrying about my mom's upcoming op. I still love her/hate her of course. But I'm still worried. It's scary to think she might not be here next week. My sister has been on the rampage and slagging me off to everybody. I haven't done anything. It's all about jealousy and sibling rivalry. I'd kinda like to speak to my dad about things to get, like, a bit of emotional support - but he's rubbish at it so I haven't called him. I'm just alone as usual. The stress with my sister just adds to the general awfulness of my family situation. 

I'm really tired too. Not been sleeping well and trying to do a sugar detox amongst this awful time of life I'm having. I must be nuts.

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

With alcohol I wish I could have just stopped at the this tastes like crap and then I spit it out stage.  I cetainly would have made more of my life.  Me I was the one that would wake up first the day after parties and drink what was left first thing in the morning in cups or cans the whole time saying to myself this is probably half spit but I continued and then moved on to my soaked shirt that I rang out into the glass and then went and got more at the store.

Oh, absolutely. I wish I had never "discovered" the poison in the first place. It does offer an easy escape, but the price tag in terms of my health and lifestyle was colossal.

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28 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Oh, absolutely. I wish I had never "discovered" the poison in the first place. It does offer an easy escape, but the price tag in terms of my health and lifestyle was colossal.

Yeah I don't expect to be here forever.  If you opened me up my insides would look like a rotten pumpkin.  My brain's barely functional and I have no teeth left.  I put posts like this one or the last one hoping people will see them and have more sense than I did.

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5 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

A strange mix of determined and wishy-washy.  

I am having another bout of needing to get things done but only wanting to hide from the world.  So, here we go again!  As soon as I click the 'Submit Reply' button, I am going to log off, get ready, and get busy.  For some strange reason it helps me get moving if I tell you all at DF about it.  You must all be real slave-drivers.  😉

Lol yep! Exactly what I call us! Lol No, I do the exact same thing too. Tell folks about my plans to motivate me to do them so I have something to report later. It's a good strategy, I thing.

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1 minute ago, CoffeeAddict103 said:

I have had to set a firm boundary with someone this week. Someone who wasn't good for my emotional health. She wasn't a bad person, but i found her very toxic. She was there for me in times of crisis. I feel great sadness. I hate hurting people but i have to stick to my guns. 

i've been there. unfortunately the person turned around and got rotten with me. oh well! you really see someone's character when you defend yourself

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On 2/21/2020 at 9:27 AM, sober4life said:

I wonder how much it really helps anyone.  When you go to the pychiatrist's office everyone in the waiting room looks like they've been through a war.  You never see a happy person in the waiting room.  Most people complain about their medications more than anything and we're strung along for years trying this and trying that and we're told things like if you feel this bad with the medication just imagine how you would feel without it. 

tRUE. ...pretty much everyone I've met in my life who takes these type of medications , they don't respond to them , or they do and the side effects are too much and they end up stopping the drugs because of them.

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I was supposed to work today, but I was not even able to start. After a few hours of being haunted with those visions of self harm I went cycling for an hour or so, but the wind was pretty nasty, so ~16 km was all I could do. At least I got rid of thoughts for some time, I was too exhausted to think about anything. Feels a little bit better now, except for the fact I cannot focus on anything. I feel restless inside while my body feels exhausted, so I'm kind of trapped.

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It doesn't feel right of me but I'm looking through Nyla's messages since she gave me all her passwords. I'm calling old friends to see why nobody attended ber funeral yesterday. I'm angry.

Her ex spread rumors that she was the abusive one and turned all her friends against her. She was completely alone. She called out for help posting goodbyes on social media and declarations of love. And nobody responded to her. Nobody asked if she was okay. Because they all thought she was a monster. 

-Skye

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Re: @PraiseBrownies

OMG!!  That is terrible!  She said her goodbyes and no one offered to help?  There has certainly been enough publicity about suicide so someone should have understood what was happening and stepped up.  Even IF she had been the abusive one (not for one second implying she was), she was still a human being!

About not showing up for the funeral, some people are incredibly uncomfortable if the person took their own life (believe me, I speak from personal experience -- family member), but that does not give everyone a free pass.  Again, she was still a human being who once meant something in their lives.  As for her ex, he should fall down hard on his b*tt and get a concussion!

Skye, my sincerest sympathies and lots of hugs.  You are showing great honor and respect to your friend by taking care of these details and doing your best.  Please do not fall into the trap of taking guilt on yourself.  Be gentle with yourself.  I hope there is someone taking care of you through all this.  ❤️

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Grateful. Calmer. Sad. Worried. But less worried than recently. Comforted. Hopeful. Apprehensive about money. 

Wore myself out today and yesterday, going way too long without eating, exposed to too much cold. That's an easy recipe for illness for me. I was bearing up well until this afternoon. My body is getting stronger, but I don't want a setback, and I feel guilty for feeling angry about a couple of people's attitudes about my eating enough. But I AM angry about being made to risk my progress and health for their...I don't want to say it. I feel trapped by guilt. I feel guilty and ashamed now when I do eat. That's an unhealthy, toxic situation, even if no one means it to be. I'm just praying for a speedy solution. I want to move back to my hometown to be near my family, but without in any way burdening them or asking for handouts. I can't bear the thought of that. I need to get back on my feet, but I'm not sure how to do it. I can't believe how busy I've been lately. There's so much more I need to get done, and I feel guilty and worried about that. But my time sometimes isn't my own anymore. I want my life to be my own again. I need to find ways of making the money that will allow me to make that happen, despite my health and lack of transportation. I don't ever want to be in this situation again. 

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