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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Christianity is so rough for me at times, so rough that I often identify with atheists and agnostics in the sense that I can really, really see where they are coming from.  So much so, in fact, that I find it amazing that I am still a believer.

I seem able to handle "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" okay so far.  But it is the big questions that get me. 

I am an earthly creature on a planet where population is not just regulated by loss of life but by loss of life that is organized into a predatory system.  Things don't just cease to exist to make room for other things to exist.  Beings actively seek the destruction of other creatures such as the predators, parasites and such.

If I leave my heart out of it,  I see logic there.  Instead of something just ceasing to exist and going to waste, things are hunted down and turned into food for other things.  Efficient system though painful

I have certain done my share of causing cows, pigs, chickens and fish and such to lose their lives even though I do it through proxy, letting others do the dirty work. 

And I know at some point I am going to become food for others, probably microbes first and microbes later after I am buried.  Or if I am cremated I guess I will become carbon dioxide for plants and perhaps fertilizer for them too at some point.

What is hard for me is that I wish for a world without such violence and feel like this wish is a good thing, a desirable and godly thing. 

And yet the world is a well designed predatory system:  prey consume plant matter, predators consume herbavores, some animals are cannibals, microbes consume almost everything organic. 

Things get a time period of life before their energy is transferred to some other things.  And it is usually not a painless process.  It is often a fearsome, anxiety producing and horribly painful process for the prey or the sick.

So my faith has to reckon with that and I am not surprised that many go the way of Nietzsche. 

I am glad that Jesus had a disciple like "doubting Thomas."  Seems like He had room for people with problems like mine.

Not sure I could be a Christian though if Jesus had died peacefully in His sleep.  He went in a painful and gruesome way forgiving those who were doing this to Him. 

Always thought there must have been something more than human in someone who could do this.  Most of us curse and want revenge on those people and things that hurt us.

Wish I knew how to put all my thoughts and feelings together in an organized synthesis, but I can't.  I have faith but I certainly understand those who ridicule that part of me or think I am an ignorant, superstitious and misguided human being.

Am sure my anxiety and depression plays into all of this.  Don't know how things would look if I didn't have anxiety and depression coloring everything I see.

Sorry for the rant. 

Hugs to everyone!

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Talking about sleeping, is there a thread on these forums for sleeping, routines, medications, tricks and techniques. I, like many here probably have insomnia causing me to get up in the morning feeling groggy, tired, exhausted etc. 

G'nite nightjar

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3 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Wish I knew how to put all my thoughts and feelings together in an organized synthesis, but I can't.  I have faith but I certainly understand those who ridicule that part of me or think I am an ignorant, superstitious and misguided human being.

Am sure my anxiety and depression plays into all of this.  Don't know how things would look if I didn't have anxiety and depression coloring everything I see.

I think you're basically describing the problem of evil; i.e., how can God allow all the suffering and misery in the world? I don't know whether anyone has come up with any compelling final answers, but there's certainly a great deal out there about it (even the Wikipedia article goes into some depth).

A simple answer I've heard is that God allows it "to make us better." Another one-liner is that there's a purpose behind it, but it's beyond our understanding. Still another is that we're in hell (or purgatory), where we're paying for our sins.

I don't really have any deep insights myself, but have done my best to learn (seems like a mostly failed effort).

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So I started up the legal machine today to start the house purchase.

Honestly, getting outta here can't come soon enough. I felt sooo harassed and tired yesterday. Still, not much I can do but take these steps every day to get where I need to be and hope I stay sane and healthy enough in the meantime to survive 😬

What I've learned from all this I couldn't tell you, it's slowly, but surely worn me down. The lesson better be a good one 😐 but whatever it is, I'll let you know 😘

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

So I started up the legal machine today to start the house purchase.

Honestly, getting outta here can't come soon enough. I felt sooo harassed and tired yesterday. Still, not much I can do but take these steps every day to get where I need to be and hope I stay sane and healthy enough in the meantime to survive 😬

What I've learned from all this I couldn't tell you, it's slowly, but surely worn me down. The lesson better be a good one 😐 but whatever it is, I'll let you know 😘

Cant imagine what narc moms thinking right now as she is losing her punching bag but i am so happy for you to be moving forward with your own plans and dreams, life gets better from here, enjoy every moment my friend 

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48 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Cant imagine what narc moms thinking right now as she is losing her punching bag but i am so happy for you to be moving forward with your own plans and dreams, life gets better from here, enjoy every moment my friend 

Thankyou 🌷🌞🍀✊

 

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I am realizing my anxiety is much worse than I thought. I convinced myself for years that I didn’t need meds and could function on a semi-normal basis. That was a mistake on my part. I have never been anything close to normal and should have been doing something about it instead of just “getting by”. Not really even sure meds are the answer or if I am too far gone for them to work for me but I have to least try. It is getting increasingly difficult for me to function…especially in regards to work.

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On 6/12/2022 at 8:06 AM, surfcaster said:

Have a great day duck, i always seem to sleep well after a long day of hard physical work, just makes me too tired for my mind to spin all night

I need hard physically work but can’t seem to find any.   I was thinking to start my own ‘grave digging’ business 😀.   Digging by hand will help me get into shape and sleep well.  

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I’m still stuck in this depression hole I can’t get out :sniffle1: Waking up with this, living with this. I can’t live like this. I’m just waiting to d i e and that’ll take decades. Why can’t death come sooner. Oh ya I’m supposed to be grateful. I hate my life and I hate myself n I still have to be grateful :sniffle1:

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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9 minutes ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I’m still stuck in this depression hole I can’t get out :sniffle1: Waking up with this, living with this. I can’t live like this. I’m just waiting to d i e and that’ll take decades. Why can’t death come sooner. Oh ya I’m supposed to be grateful. I hate my life and I hate myself n I still have to be grateful :sniffle1:

Hey sorry you're in a tough down period. Do you have some good or at least understanding support around you. We are here online to encourage you but a RLP will help you if you can count on them.

Wishing I could help you with wise words but you should know we are all here to support you through this, and will be here to help you climb back up again. Try and get a decent nights sleep if you can. Are you taking any anti depressants? Might be time to see the doctor and try something else?

Don't hate yourself, you need to love yourself and develop strength from within. Hugs

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12 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

Hey sorry you're in a tough down period. Do you have some good or at least understanding support around you. We are here online to encourage you but a RLP will help you if you can count on them.

Wishing I could help you with wise words but you should know we are all here to support you through this, and will be here to help you climb back up again. Try and get a decent nights sleep if you can. Are you taking any anti depressants? Might be time to see the doctor and try something else?

Don't hate yourself, you need to love yourself and develop strength from within. Hugs

For now I’ve pretty much given up on humans. Nobody can help me but myself. But I’m a human so I’ve given up on myself too. Thanks for the support. I gotto figure it out myself :sniffle1:

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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Not feeling particularly good right now,  maybe even fairly bad, i think maybe i let my guard down once the move was over and wasn't working on my mental health, but it's now noted and I'll be just fine, yeah that word everyone hates I'm fine. But really i will be

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10 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I still have to be grateful 

You don't have to be grateful  🤷  

Being grateful feels great and can be a chink of light in the darkness. But it can't be forced 🤔 

I think it can be cultivated, making lists of things to be grateful for can be helpful 🤔

However, I don't know why you feel this way, but it's not imperative by any means, it's entirely up to the individual. It's your call 🌷

Edited by Nightjar
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6 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Not feeling particularly good right now,  maybe even fairly bad, i think maybe i let my guard down once the move was over and wasn't working on my mental health, but it's now noted and I'll be just fine, yeah that word everyone hates I'm fine. But really i will be

Glad you are doing ok 👍

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On 6/12/2022 at 2:42 PM, Epictetus said:

Christianity is ...

 

This would be great over in the religion sub forum.  I hardly ever visit this thread (too big) and would have missed it but for some adventuring around bing a wierd start to the day.

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Physical therapy simply is not helping, my shoulder still hurts and the sleepless nights are becoming nightly again, i just don't know what to do now, think I'm quitting therapy

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1 hour ago, surfcaster said:

Physical therapy simply is not helping, my shoulder still hurts and the sleepless nights are becoming nightly again, i just don't know what to do now, think I'm quitting therapy

Maybe stem cell therapy would help? At least the radio ads I keep hearing make bold claims, FWIW. I was wondering how well it works IRL.

I've got something similar and doing PT on my own. Doctor guessed rotator cuff tendonitis (after looking at it for all of 30 seconds or so). If you find something that works for you, let us know!

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So I have a rant I wanted to put on Facebook but realize I can’t so I am gonna post it here hope that’s okay 

Today’s a day where your hurting a friend stabs you in the back and you thinking god dammit son of a bitch am hurting nothing is going right Am dune

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3 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Maybe stem cell therapy would help? At least the radio ads I keep hearing make bold claims, FWIW. I was wondering how well it works IRL.

I've got something similar and doing PT on my own. Doctor guessed rotator cuff tendonitis (after looking at it for all of 30 seconds or so). If you find something that works for you, let us know!

Yes calcific tendonitis of the rotator cuff was my diagnosis from just an xray, the more time that goes by the more it feels like the other shoulder that was torn and needed surgery,  only an mri can see that, maybe time to see my ortho instead of general md

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13 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Yes calcific tendonitis of the rotator cuff was my diagnosis from just an xray, the more time that goes by the more it feels like the other shoulder that was torn and needed surgery,  only an mri can see that, maybe time to see my ortho instead of general md

Yes I agree!  Time to see a specialist!  General doctors are generally good at everything.   I wish I had a magic wand to ease your pain. 

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9 hours ago, duck said:

Yes I agree!  Time to see a specialist!  General doctors are generally good at everything.   I wish I had a magic wand to ease your pain. 

Thanks duck, appreciated 

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