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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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8 hours ago, duck said:

I am having breakfast at 8 pm my time.  My sleep schedule is backwards!   I am exhausted all the time.  I am sick of this.   
 

Breakfast for dinner, i love that, anytime really

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I want to give up, I want to lose hope, I want to stop trying, I’m upset, I’m disappointed, I don’t understand how did things go down this road, did I not try hard enough? Did I not do everything I can to make things right? Was I expecting too much? Yes I was. I shouldn’t have expected anything at all. I should just accept this situation somehow…somehow…

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1 hour ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

I don’t understand how did things go down this road, did I not try hard enough? Did I not do everything I can to make things right?

I really get this. It feels like I'm climbing a mountain every day and my life is still crap. I feel like I've done my best all my life and yeah, sometimes I wonder how the eff it turned out like this! 

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I try so hard to have faith.

Faith in God.

I can't go back to pleading with Him.  

I can't go back to wondering, are you there?  Or, do you not like or love me?

This whole year has been sh*t.  Please excuse my language.

What does He want me to do?

Why am I here?  Why am I here?  Why?

Am I being punished for something?

I'm actually in a fam who blames me for not having faith.

How do I have faith in a God that watches people, me, you, suffer?

Why do WE have depression?

Now, since I'm complaining about God, is He going to strike me?  Again?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry if I've spoiled anybody's day with this rant.

My apologies.  Really.

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14 hours ago, duck said:

I am having breakfast at 8 pm my time.  My sleep schedule is backwards!   I am exhausted all the time.  I am sick of this.   
 

My pattern has reversed too. I have turned into a night owl. I'll watch reruns of the old Perry Mason show until 3am and then wonder why I can't get to sleep. That causes me to nap off and on most of the next day...until it's time to watch Perry Mason again.

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9 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

I try so hard to have faith.

Faith in God.

I can't go back to pleading with Him.  

I can't go back to wondering, are you there?  Or, do you not like or love me?

This whole year has been sh*t.  Please excuse my language.

What does He want me to do?

Why am I here?  Why am I here?  Why?

Am I being punished for something?

I'm actually in a fam who blames me for not having faith.

How do I have faith in a God that watches people, me, you, suffer?

Why do WE have depression?

Now, since I'm complaining about God, is He going to strike me?  Again?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry if I've spoiled anybody's day with this rant.

My apologies.  Really.

You don't have to apologize for posting that. I've struggled with similar thoughts for decades. Suffering is the number one issue that gives me pause when I consider faith.

It causes me to question how benevolent the Creator truly is if they have to "punish" people who don't seemingly have enough faith in them (I'm using gender neutral terms here because I've often wondered why the Creator would need to be male or female, since they wouldn't seem to need to reproduce).

I've becom a wandering Gnostic in search of answers. In the meantime, I'm just going to live. Or try to anyway.

Edited by JD4010
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2 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

You don't have to apologize for posting that. I've struggled with similar thoughts for decades. Suffering is the number one issue that gives me pause when I consider faith.

It causes me to question how benevolent the Creator truly is if they have to "punish" people who don't seemingly have enough faith in them (I'm using gender neutral terms here because I've often wondered why the Creator would need to be male or female, since they wouldn't seem to need to reproduce).

I've becom a wandering Gnostic in search of answers. In the meantime, I'm just going to live. Or try to anyway.

Dear JD4010,

I needed to read this.  Thank you my dear brother.  Thank you so much.  -Heather

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1 hour ago, HeatherG said:

I try so hard to have faith.

Faith in God.

I can't go back to pleading with Him.  

I can't go back to wondering, are you there?  Or, do you not like or love me?

This whole year has been sh*t.  Please excuse my language.

What does He want me to do?

Why am I here?  Why am I here?  Why?

Am I being punished for something?

I'm actually in a fam who blames me for not having faith.

How do I have faith in a God that watches people, me, you, suffer?

Why do WE have depression?

Now, since I'm complaining about God, is He going to strike me?  Again?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry if I've spoiled anybody's day with this rant.

My apologies.  Really.

The only thing that comes to mind when i start to think this way is he is preparing me to be able to withstand something much greater. It's really the only option acceptable to me so that's what i choose to believe 

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On 6/10/2022 at 12:01 PM, Nightjar said:

Thing is, all signs are pointing to the housing market slowing which should (in theory) make my dream house easier to buy if I fail this time and wait longer...Do I wait another six months for another stab at it and continue with this trauma to follow my dreams or go for it now and escape ASAP with a decent enough house and area so that I can move on sooner and start to heal from this mess? 

FYI I am so, so tired of all this.

What you think guys? All advice appreciated 🤪

 

On a finance radio show this morning, a Moody's analyst recommended waiting up to a year to buy. We're supposedly in the early stages of the housing bubble deflating, now that rates are going up and remote work is less of a factor. He said things wouldn't necessarily crash, just mostly level off (except in the most inflated markets, like Boise (ID) and Park City (UT), where we could see larger drops).

I'm in the same boat in terms of looking for a place. Prices are still high and good listings are snapped up quickly, but I'm seeing more and more price cuts and longer times on the market. Over the next few months, it seems best to be on the lookout as prices (hopefully) moderate and your dream property is put up for sale.

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On 6/10/2022 at 3:17 PM, JD4010 said:

Maybe I can pick up some of the slack while our Sober is on radio silence. I can try anyway.  I used to be in the forum much more frequently but tapered off when I was given the bum's rush out the back door at my last job.

If it weren't for Sober, I would probably not be alive now. He and I traveled down the path of sobriety together and he was a true inspiration. Still is. I'm so happy to have the monkey off my back. It's been over four years now. Some of my health returned slowly after I climbed out of the bottle. I would have been a goner otherwise.

That's very good. I'll take inspiration from that. I was never best friends with the bottle, but it seems to be the only friend IRL that can be trusted and won't let me down.

BTW, I thought Sober was a she? Or do I have the wrong person?

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Feeling pretty positive today 👍 I'm pretty much decided that I will be happy with either of the houses I'm trying for.

I had a scout about in my second choice area and its plenty good enough 🤔

I'm ready to move on. Looks like I'll be cranking up the old legal machine again next week. I hope things will be quicker this time 🙏

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Feeling pretty positive today 👍 I'm pretty much decided that I will be happy with either of the houses I'm trying for.

I had a scout about in my second choice area and its plenty good enough 🤔

I'm ready to move on. Looks like I'll be cranking up the old legal machine again next week. I hope things will be quicker this time 🙏

Good day Nightjar 😀

I am wide awake at 5 am.    My sleep schedule is still screwed up. Yes I am a broken record.  
I am watching sports live from Europe.  I hope you have a good day.  
 

Good morning to everyone 😀

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26 minutes ago, duck said:

Good day Nightjar 😀

I am wide awake at 5 am.    My sleep schedule is still screwed up. Yes I am a broken record.  
I am watching sports live from Europe.  I hope you have a good day.  
 

Good morning to everyone 😀

Good day duck. ...Don't worry, I'm a broken record too 😆 I'm relieved actually that I finally managed to sell my freaking house after I talked about it for years 😬

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4 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Feeling pretty positive today 👍 I'm pretty much decided that I will be happy with either of the houses I'm trying for.

I had a scout about in my second choice area and its plenty good enough 🤔

I'm ready to move on. Looks like I'll be cranking up the old legal machine again next week. I hope things will be quicker this time 🙏

Just knowing that you are about to be a homeowner once again and out from under narc moms influence has to have you all exited inside, YAY

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3 hours ago, duck said:

Good day Nightjar 😀

I am wide awake at 5 am.    My sleep schedule is still screwed up. Yes I am a broken record.  
I am watching sports live from Europe.  I hope you have a good day.  
 

Good morning to everyone 😀

Have a great day duck, i always seem to sleep well after a long day of hard physical work, just makes me too tired for my mind to spin all night

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21 hours ago, JD4010 said:

My pattern has reversed too. I have turned into a night owl. I'll watch reruns of the old Perry Mason show until 3am and then wonder why I can't get to sleep. That causes me to nap off and on most of the next day...until it's time to watch Perry Mason again.

Perry Mason…I love that show! There is something about the black and white, noir feeling to the show that is oddly calming for me.

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21 hours ago, HeatherG said:

I try so hard to have faith.

Faith in God.

I can't go back to pleading with Him.  

I can't go back to wondering, are you there?  Or, do you not like or love me?

This whole year has been sh*t.  Please excuse my language.

What does He want me to do?

Why am I here?  Why am I here?  Why?

Am I being punished for something?

I'm actually in a fam who blames me for not having faith.

How do I have faith in a God that watches people, me, you, suffer?

Why do WE have depression?

Now, since I'm complaining about God, is He going to strike me?  Again?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry if I've spoiled anybody's day with this rant.

My apologies.  Really.

Well said.

I question everything…and by everything…I mean everything!!!

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I missed therapy this week due to my therapist having to cancel at the last minute and boy am I feeling it. I don’t think the outcome of the issue I am dealing with right now is going to be good and he could have helped me talk that out as I am taking it personally that my very nice inquiry was ignored and is likely going to result in the worst of all possible outcomes being the result. Honestly, maybe it is better that way as I can move on and look elsewhere for better options.

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23 hours ago, HeatherG said:

I try so hard to have faith.

Faith in God.

I can't go back to pleading with Him.  

I can't go back to wondering, are you there?  Or, do you not like or love me?

This whole year has been sh*t.  Please excuse my language.

What does He want me to do?

Why am I here?  Why am I here?  Why?

Am I being punished for something?

I'm actually in a fam who blames me for not having faith.

How do I have faith in a God that watches people, me, you, suffer?

Why do WE have depression?

Now, since I'm complaining about God, is He going to strike me?  Again?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry if I've spoiled anybody's day with this rant.

My apologies.  Really.

Your feelings are valid and I was and can still at times hate God for putting me here. I can’t move forward when these things happen. I end up moving forward because I didn’t have a choice. I have to take what I learned and end up getting pushed forward just cos I have no choice. If God really exist, I’ll end up in hell if I go. Supposedly, we need the pain to come out stronger. I hope u get your faith back, it took me a very long time though. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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3 hours ago, monicott17 said:

I missed therapy this week due to my therapist having to cancel at the last minute and boy am I feeling it. I don’t think the outcome of the issue I am dealing with right now is going to be good and he could have helped me talk that out as I am taking it personally that my very nice inquiry was ignored and is likely going to result in the worst of all possible outcomes being the result. Honestly, maybe it is better that way as I can move on and look elsewhere for better options.

Wow do I know how you're feeling.  We trust our therapist and want/need to believe we're not just another patient/client.  I do hope you find better options.  You deserve it!  You deserve too!!  Hold on.

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23 hours ago, surfcaster said:

The only thing that comes to mind when i start to think this way is he is preparing me to be able to withstand something much greater. It's really the only option acceptable to me so that's what i choose to believe 

Wow, Surfcaster, THANK YOU 🙂

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I intended to clean half the dining rm table, which I call my little office.  Part of my personality is, clean house, organized thoughts--I feel better.  It works.  I love a clean organized house.  So, I cleaned it all.  I feel so much better!  And to everyone who responded to my rant, you're so kind.  Thank you.  I might erase that rant, if I can.  I pray I don't cause anyone to doubt or doubt more.  I kind of feel like you all are my brothers and sisters on here.  I like that.  🙂

If God is molding me for something greater, it's gonna be BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG  BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG.  lol

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