Jump to content

How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

Some of you may know my history with my family, not much contact really because i had to have it that way, got a call from my sister in the middle of the night, mom is dying from cancer, is it ok that i really don't have a reaction,  is it ok that i dont have an emotion, do i really just not care or will i fell it later, I'm just confused right now on how i should feel, or on if i want to feel, and will i regret it later if i don't feel anything and i do nothing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
34 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Some of you may know my history with my family, not much contact really because i had to have it that way, got a call from my sister in the middle of the night, mom is dying from cancer, is it ok that i really don't have a reaction,  is it ok that i dont have an emotion, do i really just not care or will i fell it later, I'm just confused right now on how i should feel, or on if i want to feel, and will i regret it later if i don't feel anything and i do nothing.

It's ok to feel whatever you feel. It's human. It's entirely normal to feel relieved sometimes when an abusive person passes away (parent or not).

I believe you will make the right decision for you in this situation. Trust yourself and your feelings. It may or may not be a good idea to visit. 

I'm sure you will wrestle with it and come to the right decision for you. Trust your instinct. 

I will say however, that however much we may feel cut off from our parents, my belief is that underneath all of the anger and hurt there is always love. So you may feel hurt and relieved when/if she passes, same as you may feel hurt and relieved to see her 🤔

Above all, trust yourself. Sending lots of love to you. It's never gonna be easy when a parent is terminally ill :hugs:

Edited by Nightjar
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 days to Escape from Alcatraz. This time last year is when I had my breakdown and pulled out of my secret move.

This time it's do or die ☠️Think I'm gonna strike while the iron is hot today and get the last couple of things from the house while I have the energy...Feel more rested today, than yesterday.

Just had the obligatory daily run in with narc mom where she was demanding I do this or that in relation to the move. Told her where to go and she went. Lol. That's good but it's still stressful. I had a dizzy spell in the middle of it 😮💨

onwards and upwards friends ✊

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, monicott17 said:

I have completely stopped caring about work again. Not that I really even cared that much before but I was doing a bit better for awhile. There is no reason whatsoever for me to do anything other than the bare minimum that is required of me. And even doing that is getting to be a chore. 

You too got the urge to shove a chair hard into your manager's face, huh?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw the red coyote in the yard again this morning.  I'm not sure if they are wimpy dogs or if they just run away because some lunatic is crying every time they show up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Some of you may know my history with my family, not much contact really because i had to have it that way, got a call from my sister in the middle of the night, mom is dying from cancer, is it ok that i really don't have a reaction,  is it ok that i dont have an emotion, do i really just not care or will i fell it later, I'm just confused right now on how i should feel, or on if i want to feel, and will i regret it later if i don't feel anything and i do nothing.

I remember you talking about having to be the strong one.  That's why we react like this to these situations.  Somehow our lives have made us think we have to be the strong ones in these situations.  We have to be strong for others.  I would be the same way and then be crying every second I'm alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

4 days to Escape from Alcatraz. This time last year is when I had my breakdown and pulled out of my secret move.

This time it's do or die ☠️Think I'm gonna strike while the iron is hot today and get the last couple of things from the house while I have the energy...Feel more rested today, than yesterday.

Just had the obligatory daily run in with narc mom where she was demanding I do this or that in relation to the move. Told her where to go and she went. Lol. That's good but it's still stressful. I had a dizzy spell in the middle of it 😮💨

onwards and upwards friends ✊

 

I don't like hearing about the dizzy spells.  Yeah I get them too and I think I know why because I have the same attitude all in do or die with everything really.  I think we put too much pressure on ourselves sometimes.  We need to be strong but we also need to take care of ourselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Some of you may know my history with my family, not much contact really because i had to have it that way, got a call from my sister in the middle of the night, mom is dying from cancer, is it ok that i really don't have a reaction,  is it ok that i dont have an emotion, do i really just not care or will i fell it later, I'm just confused right now on how i should feel, or on if i want to feel, and will i regret it later if i don't feel anything and i do nothing.

Warrior, you are carrying so much already. It’s time to set that guilt down. Even just for now. Sometimes, a choice will leave residues of regret, even when it’s best for you. It’s impossible to have everything figured out. You don’t have to react perfectly. It’s not always possible to control our emotions or reactions. Process it and understand that your feelings makes you, you, even if you feel nothing. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

I am at the lab to get blood work/tests done.    I have to get it done every four months because I am diabetic.   I am fed up with medical issues.   I have been eating healthy for decades and I still got diabetes.  
 

I also have severe diarrhea for the past week.   My quack prescribed antibiotics.  Four tablets I have to take one time.   Then maybe I will be constipated.   😀😀

Edited by duck
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Once you're diabetic it's very hard to get to a point where you're not diabetic anymore.  You take the insulin and it removes the sugar from the blood stream and stores it in the body so it both helps and keeps the cycle going because you will be hungry again after taking the insulin.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, sober4life said:

Once you're diabetic it's very hard to get to a point where you're not diabetic anymore.  You take the insulin and it removes the sugar from the blood stream and stores it in the body so it both helps and keeps the cycle going because you will be hungry again after taking the insulin.

That’s right Sober!  Thank for your support.  When my doctor told me I am diabetic I started cussing and crying because I did everything I could to keep myself healthy.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, surfcaster said:

House sold is the 1st big step towards getting your new living quarters, hopefully that comes quick and it becomes your dream home

Congratulations 🥳 This is great news.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Warrior, you are carrying so much already. It’s time to set that guilt down. Even just for now. Sometimes, a choice will leave residues of regret, even when it’s best for you. It’s impossible to have everything figured out. You don’t have to react perfectly. It’s not always possible to control our emotions or reactions. Process it and understand that your feelings makes you, you, even if you feel nothing. 

Thank you for the thoughtful input

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So ive decided that with all that I've gone through in my life personally,  with being in the hospital and suicide ideations and depression and all, i just need time to comprehend everything and see where my mind is at before i put anyone else before myself, my wife convinced me of that and she was right, I'm heart broken for mom, but if i don't look out for myself first i could be the next one in the ground, what do i really owe them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Nightjar said:

It's ok to feel whatever you feel. It's human. It's entirely normal to feel relieved sometimes when an abusive person passes away (parent or not).

I believe you will make the right decision for you in this situation. Trust yourself and your feelings. It may or may not be a good idea to visit. 

I'm sure you will wrestle with it and come to the right decision for you. Trust your instinct. 

I will say however, that however much we may feel cut off from our parents, my belief is that underneath all of the anger and hurt there is always love. So you may feel hurt and relieved when/if she passes, same as you may feel hurt and relieved to see her 🤔

Above all, trust yourself. Sending lots of love to you. It's never gonna be easy when a parent is terminally ill :hugs:

Thank you nightjar, your insight and understanding is appreciated 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

My motto whenever there is two angry people is to walk away until we are both calm down. I asked my sister a few times after our shouting match just now, Are you calm? She didn’t reply me and continued with her nonsensical angry talk, so I left. It’s sad she don’t have the coping mechanism to calm down. She is older than me. I hope she calms down soon, for her sake. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is accommodation in a prison cell bad?

Maybe if I continuously slam a relatively big & heavy object onto my management's head until it is covered in crimson blood (I mean literally & physically)

Maybe some years of accommodation in a prison ain't that all bad…

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tired and down today. I don't wanna live in survival mode any more. I want some sort of happiness in my life 😔 All of the weird family s*it is in my head today...All of the horrible things that have been said and done.

Anyway, I'm gonna do my walk and hope I feel better afterwards 🤞

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Nightjar said:

3 days to escape from Alcatraz

 (phase 1) 

I got shouted at just before bed last night over opening a blind 😒 Moving can't come soon enough. 

It's how they are.  They have to have control of everything.  I remember the last time I lived with him he even manipulated me into going to bed and waking up when he wanted me to.  You're right it is escape from prison.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Tired and down today. I don't wanna live in survival mode any more. I want some sort of happiness in my life 😔 All of the weird family s*it is in my head today...All of the horrible things that have been said and done.

Anyway, I'm gonna do my walk and hope I feel better afterwards 🤞

I hope you enjoy your walk.  I know how you feel.  My mind would probably be quiet if it wasn't for them.  Well the day would have been great if it wasn't for people is what I could have said every day so far.

Edited by sober4life
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...