Jump to content

How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

9 hours ago, sober4life said:

I think I've seen everything at this point.  I just saw the news trying to scare people about sleeping with a fan running.  They're so awful!😒

That aint scaring me, i NEED my fan to even think about sleeping 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's how the world is though.  They never say let's just make people happy.  They instead try to make us miserable and then offer the solution that will solve all of our problems.  Even they don't believe they are there to help when they're saying it.  Create a hole in the mind and then try to fill it with whatever crap we're trying to sell you.  The world is disgusting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 days to go. No sign of exchange which would be a big relief (that can happen before completion and is legally binding but usually freaking doesn't). Offer on potential new house is being put forward today....no news yet.

... I'm going to the park to escape n.mom for a bit and try and forget about house stuff.

Have a good day everybody 😘

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

6 days to go. No sign of exchange which would be a big relief (that can happen before completion and is legally binding but usually freaking doesn't). Offer on potential new house is being put forward today....no news yet.

... I'm going to the park to escape n.mom for a bit and try and forget about house stuff.

Have a good day everybody 😘

I know how you feel believe me.  It makes me think of Bob on What About Bob when he sat and stared at the clock saying baby steps until 4 o'clock.  That would be me all week and today I would be awake at about 3:30 in the morning obsessing saying why haven't they called me yet.  I wish they would do it now and get it over with I don't care if it's the middle of the night as I'm ripping out hair.  It's how I was today in my life.  The people I saw today hope they never see me again believe me but I did get things taken care of.:unsure:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

49 minutes ago, sober4life said:

The people I saw today hope they never see me again believe me

Ha, that reminds me of when I walk in the park and literally go every which way I can to avoid people. I'm like a freaking squirrel 🤣

 

51 minutes ago, sober4life said:

did get things taken care of.:unsure:

Yep, we do that I guess. Even though its difficult for us 🤷

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/30/2022 at 12:54 PM, Frankensense said:

I've not been a beer drinker since the age of 19. It was like drinking soda pop. By the time I got a buzz, I was running back and forth to the rest room emptying it out just as fast as it came in. I stick with white liquor, mixed with everything from soda, to juice to Kool-Aid. I'm now finishing off a bit more than a 5th a day of rum, vodka, anisette or gin, depending on the mood. Some days, I break out the high octane 100 proof schnapps and on those really bad pain days I resort to the 190 proof Everclear. 

While your story is inspiring, it just isn't in my future. Getting physically fit isn't something that I'm capable of, mostly because of the compression fracture in my spine, 2 herniated discs and nerve damage. Just walking the 150 ft down to the mailbox and back is trying enough. Honestly, the biggest detriment to me stopping drinking is that I have no reason to do it.

My physical condition is similarly bad...born with dysfunctional lungs, elbows are both painfully F'd from repetitive motion, etc. My whole existence is discouraging. I drank starting at age 18, then kept it up for decades. I'd wane for a time and then come back with a vengeance.

Towards the end of my crummy marriage, I was putting away outrageous amounts of hard booze.  I'd fill up a big water bottle with "tater liquor" and top if off with lemonade to walk around town with. I'd wind up somewhere and wonder how I'd got there. People would see me in different places and I wouldn't even remember being there.

I finally poisoned myself so badly that I almost died. That stopped me for about a week. Then I jumped right back into the bottle again.

Oddly enough, I decided one day that I was weary of being hungover all the time. I couldn't function anymore. I was sick all of the time and I looked like I had aged 20 years overnight.

I stopped for a few days...and then for a few days more. With the help of @sober4life, I made it through weeks, then months, then years without a drop of booze. Now I'm sitting here looking back at 5 years of sobriety.

It sounds trite, but if I can quit, anybody can. Nobody loved booze more than I did.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, sober4life said:

It's how the world is though.  They never say let's just make people happy.  They instead try to make us miserable and then offer the solution that will solve all of our problems.  Even they don't believe they are there to help when they're saying it.  Create a hole in the mind and then try to fill it with whatever crap we're trying to sell you.  The world is disgusting.

That, my friend, is our existence in a nutshell. Think about it. They call us "consumers." That's what we are to them. Not people. Just consumers. We might as well live in a cage with sawdust on the floor and a hamster wheel to run in. Now and then, they will benevolently provide us with water and food pellets (if we are lucky).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
16 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

That, my friend, is our existence in a nutshell. Think about it. They call us "consumers." That's what we are to them. Not people. Just consumers. We might as well live in a cage with sawdust on the floor and a hamster wheel to run in. Now and then, they will benevolently provide us with water and food pellets (if we are lucky).

Yeah the world?  I just looked up my health insurance company.  They only insure disabled and retired people and their net worth is 83.06 billion.  That's the world I live in.  Do I want to know exactly how they got that rich or just go back to watching cartoons?  I think I'll go back to cartoons.

Edited by sober4life
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Yeah the world?  I just looked up my healthcare company.  They only insure disabled and retired people and their net worth is 83.06 billion.  That's the world I live in.  Do I want to know exactly how they got that rich or just go back to watching cartoons?  I think I'll go back to cartoons.

Just think...there are all kinds of healthcare companies, and pharmaceutical manufacturers, each making billions upon billions. The profits are duplicated across a massive universe of these companies. Meanwhile, my daughter had to fork over $568 out of her own pocket for a 15 minute exam last week (she can't afford healthcare on her $12.50/hour retail wage).

So yeah, I'd stick with the cartoons.

Edited by JD4010
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Living with my sister temporarily and again feeling like I’m being push around with no place to call home. I’m not even that close to her, we don’t really have a good relationship n it can be very nasty at times. I can only cry n wait for this to be over. Seriously hate my life right now 😞

Link to comment
Share on other sites

TW: references to rape

 

I don't know whether or not I'm mildly depressed. It's likely I'd know it if I was majorly depressed, but I feel like, and I'm saying this because back in 2012 or so a therapist helped me figure this out, like if I even investigate the idea that I am depressed too much rather than living in the moment more, the depression I am possibly feeling, as has happened before, may become much worse.

 

To be clear, I am not saying it is like that with every depression sufferer. I'm only explaining context of my current situation and how my brain, specifically, seems to operate.

 

My main problems are, my now-post Associate's GPA plummeted before it could even become great, and it's probably because I have been told by my dad to take a certain number of hours per semester, which I've complied with.

 

I can't move to get work because I'm supporting my disabled Mom. There are no funds at the moment for assisted living for her. And still, as usual, I have no prospects for employment. And no matter what people who have actually gone through rape say, I would bet all my pocket change that I would feel WAY more rage and hatred towards some ugly inmate who turned out to rape me after I tried getting money through illegal means, since NO EMPLOYER GIVES ME A CHANCE, making me resort to crime if I can't rely on family funds any more, than if someone I considered attractive in normal circumstances, miraculously in the inside of those walls, ended up raping me.

 

And whenever that uggo forces himself in my mouth, I will lose it and either **** him or get killed trying to. Knowing my LIFE, it's probably going to be the latter.

 

In case some moron cops are reading this: this is about some rapist, not an innocent person, getting ********. Saying I will **** any rapist of mine is NOT a threat, because it is a warning instead. At most-- this is a vent, and not even a warning. And I can't imagine a jury that would side with some moron cop, in this scenario, over me.

 

I'm really pissed off. The thought of someone raping me, because I made money, SURVIVED, the only way I knew how, pisses me off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/31/2022 at 3:15 PM, Epictetus said:

I'm kind of in a daze.  A friend of mine close in age passed away from the Coronavirus. 

She was fit and had received all the recommended vaccines and booster. No underlying conditions.

Quite a shock to me and her family too. 

I guess with the passage of time I had been lulled into the false belief that the Coronavirus was sort of under control, that people got sick perhaps but that deaths were not happening much anymore.  Now I have had my rude wakeup call. 

My sort of carefree life is going to change now.  I am going to be careful again, wear a mask, social distance and the whole nine yards.  Will this scourge ever end?  Yikes!

Hugs to all of you. 

Sorry to hear your friend  passed.   I will continue wearing my mask and social distance.  Hugs. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, surfcaster said:

That aint scaring me, i NEED my fan to even think about sleeping 

We are still having cool weather up here.  Come July it will be a different story.   I may have to install an AC unit.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Just think...there are all kinds of healthcare companies, and pharmaceutical manufacturers, each making billions upon billions. The profits are duplicated across a massive universe of these companies. Meanwhile, my daughter had to fork over $568 out of her own pocket for a 15 minute exam last week (she can't afford healthcare on her $12.50/hour retail wage).

So yeah, I'd stick with the cartoons.

Things are so bad at this point that we pretty much need to start over completely from scratch.  There is no getting control of things anymore.  We'll eventually have universal healthcare in this country we'll have to because they won't start over like they need to.  There's too much money coming in for them to give that all up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's this recurring trend of the elderly on their death beds acquiescing to their fate by claiming that they've lived a "full life" and all, happy to have contributed to humanity, but now ready to depart. So, what if you've lived an utterly empty life and contributed nothing?

Not saying that's my situation, except if it is, how does one deal with it? I suppose on one's deathbed, those last minutes probably won't matter all that much, so I'm talking more about the present (assuming I'll even be alive long enough).

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 days to escape from Alcatraz..

Think I'd better mow the lawn one last time and redirect the mail. Hoping I feel decent enough on the amount of sleep I got last night...No news about offer...agents are on holiday for the jubilee till Saturday 🤷

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, anon22ae said:

There's this recurring trend of the elderly on their death beds acquiescing to their fate by claiming that they've lived a "full life" and all, happy to have contributed to humanity, but now ready to depart. So, what if you've lived an utterly empty life and contributed nothing?

Not saying that's my situation, except if it is, how does one deal with it? I suppose on one's deathbed, those last minutes probably won't matter all that much, so I'm talking more about the present (assuming I'll even be alive long enough).

 

If it happened now I would believe I lived a full life my way not their way.  I never liked their way.  Life seems to be a long list of doing what we think other people want us to do or doing what we're supposed to do.  I never cared about most of it because I can see clear as day that most people don't even like it and I don't like it so I tried to live my life my way the whole time.  My death bed I'll be fighting them the whole time like the last time I was in an ambulance trying to jump out the door.  Get me out of this bed!  I'll probably die in the woods behind the hospital trying to run away from them.:unsure:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got the lawn done and neutralised some narc rage earlier on. I can't cope with any arguing, I'm just too tired so I calmed the situation down and didn't carry it on...

Got my forms I needed and I'm grabbing the last few things I need to take from the house. So tired 😔

Going to watch a bit of the queen stuff when I get back to moms. That was part of the deal to keep her happy 😬

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/1/2022 at 8:24 AM, surfcaster said:

That aint scaring me, i NEED my fan to even think about sleeping 

Same! One isn’t enough….I have several. I even use them in the dead of winter and brought them on my recent vacation. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have completely stopped caring about work again. Not that I really even cared that much before but I was doing a bit better for awhile. There is no reason whatsoever for me to do anything other than the bare minimum that is required of me. And even doing that is getting to be a chore. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Got the lawn done and neutralised some narc rage earlier on. I can't cope with any arguing, I'm just too tired so I calmed the situation down and didn't carry it on...

Got my forms I needed and I'm grabbing the last few things I need to take from the house. So tired 😔

Going to watch a bit of the queen stuff when I get back to moms. That was part of the deal to keep her happy 😬

It sounds awful.  What if she wants to watch the queen the whole weekend?🤯

Edited by sober4life
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, sober4life said:

If it happened now I would believe I lived a full life my way not their way.  I never liked their way.  Life seems to be a long list of doing what we think other people want us to do or doing what we're supposed to do.  I never cared about most of it because I can see clear as day that most people don't even like it and I don't like it so I tried to live my life my way the whole time.

That's a good philosophy that I wish I could have, except there are too many dependencies on "them" (as in family, society, etc.) Wish I had the means to go off somewhere remote and live a more examined life... but even then, I'd be dependent on food, electricity, medicine, etc. There's no escape from "them," it seems.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, monicott17 said:

I have completely stopped caring about work again. Not that I really even cared that much before but I was doing a bit better for awhile. There is no reason whatsoever for me to do anything other than the bare minimum that is required of me. And even doing that is getting to be a chore. 

I learned a long time ago by advice from a friend and it goes like this, you mean nothing to the company, if you were fired or quit tomorrow they'd be interviewing 20 people for your job, hire 1 quickly and never think of you again, and she was right, after that i looked at my employment completely different. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...