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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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8 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

So on day two of new med and stopping one so fair having a very hard time sleeping 😖

Yeah that transition period can be hard on sleeping, but once your throughit things even out

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13 hours ago, anon22ae said:

All the "normal" people seem able to enjoy life. I don't think they're on this forum, however. When I was young and dumb(er), I could enjoy things as well. Nowadays it's tough, but it still seems possible. At least if I had the means to leave the rat race and skip society.

There are no normal people but like my brother told me if we're all crazy are any of us crazy?  Crazy would be normal.

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14 minutes ago, sober4life said:

There are no normal people but like my brother told me if we're all crazy are any of us crazy?  Crazy would be normal.

they probably meant those who have their health. nothing is more important than being healthy, and not having to deal with doctors

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I had some good news about the house sale finally. It looks like we are very nearly there and that part of my life will soon be done and dusted. 

I'm terrified of what will come next of course but after this is final I will finally have options 🤔

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15 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I had some good news about the house sale finally. It looks like we are very nearly there and that part of my life will soon be done and dusted. 

I'm terrified of what will come next of course but after this is final I will finally have options 🤔

Thats good news nightjar, some weight might be lifter from your mind, hope that means better things to come

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17 hours ago, anon22ae said:

All the "normal" people seem able to enjoy life. I don't think they're on this forum, however. When I was young and dumb(er), I could enjoy things as well. Nowadays it's tough, but it still seems possible. At least if I had the means to leave the rat race and skip society.

The only thing I truly enjoy now is isolation. There's no place I'd rather be than in my dump of an apartment, surrounded by my books and having my two kitties hanging around with me.

I dread going out and being around people. Had to take my car in for an oil change today. I was in the waiting room and a well-dressed, middle-management type came barging in. She was talking very loudly on her phone, apparently berating an employee that works for her. This went on for 15 minutes. We all had to listen to her nastiness. I really wanted to grab her phone and throw it out into the middle of the busy street.

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Posted (edited)

People wouldn't think so but I listen and pay attention to everything.  Waiting rooms are interesting.  You get to see the difference in the way they act with customers and then the second the customer leaves they're always awful saying nasty things about them.  For some reason they never consider the fact that I'm sitting there listening.

Edited by sober4life
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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Trying to convince myself that it's better for me to be alive than not alive.

I stay because I worry about certain younger family members.  I won't get specific in who they are but I do say oh no they're becoming like me.  I worry if I left what it would do to them. 

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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Trying to convince myself that it's better for me to be alive than not alive.

i struggle with that thought almost daily right now,  i'm glad you seem to find a way to convince yourself

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

hope everyone is doing well

Doing well will happen only when someone takes away all the deadlines I need to meet 

Edited by iWantRope
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Feel like I just wanna chill today....how much of that I manage IDK. It's never easy in someone else's house. ...Thing is, and what narc mom refuses to accept or understand, is that I've been very ill this year with anxiety and rest is essential for me to recover...

But, nope. Unacceptable.

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Feel like I just wanna chill today....how much of that I manage IDK. It's never easy in someone else's house. ...Thing is, and what narc mom refuses to accept or understand, is that I've been very ill this year with anxiety and rest is essential for me to recover...

But, nope. Unacceptable.

That has to be hard, getting rest is hard enough with a mind that won't stop, add in people harping on you and rest doesn't happen, can you close and lock your door and if not maybe go sit in a park and watch nature

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2 hours ago, surfcaster said:

That has to be hard, getting rest is hard enough with a mind that won't stop, add in people harping on you and rest doesn't happen, can you close and lock your door and if not maybe go sit in a park and watch nature

Cheers surfcaster. Yeah, I generally hide in my room and get out to the park as much as possible. Lol. She does tend to get moody if I don't give her enough attention which can make me anxious, even when I'm away from her 😐 I'm constantly worried about her moods. ....

Anyway, I'm very close to achieving means of escape now which hasn't even been possible up till this point. I've done everything I could to hold onto my capital even though living in close proximity to her has felt like torture and on many occasions I felt like fleeing my house for a cut price. ...

I've been at her place now for eight months, I've not found a house to buy and I'm seriously considering renting so that I can start to heal and start my new life further away. I'm scared to leave family 'support' but that family 'support' takes pretty much everything away from me..

I'm planning my final part of 'escape from Alcatraz' and thinking that if needs be I'll grab what I can that I've got here and not worry about it. (I just have a few things here).

She will go ballistic if I ever said I was going into rented. I just have to split, like johnny. #teamjohnny 

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've gotten a lot closer to my brother this year.  I got a call that his house is 3 miles from a 2000 acre wildfire.  How do you think I feel?  I'm a timebomb!

That's a hard thing to deal with, i hope he's packed and gone. Those fires can travel 3 miles in no time, but i know he is well aware of that

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Posted (edited)

One of those nights when I can’t sleep, it’s way past my bedtime, and I have to wake up earlier for work tomorrow, and I don’t know how to sort out the feelings inside me…and also because I had no motivation to do my work today and caffeine was my only motivation today and this is the result 😞 I am so dead tomorrow…thank u, my mind, for worrying so much…sigh…

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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32 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Cheers surfcaster. Yeah, I generally hide in my room and get out to the park as much as possible. Lol. She does tend to get moody if I don't give her enough attention which can make me anxious, even when I'm away from her 😐 I'm constantly worried about her moods. ....

Anyway, I'm very close to achieving means of escape now which hasn't even been possible up till this point. I've done everything I could to hold onto my capital even though living in close proximity to her has felt like torture and on many occasions I felt like fleeing my house for a cut price. ...

I've been at her place now for eight months, I've not found a house to buy and I'm seriously considering renting so that I can start to heal and start my new life further away. I'm scared to leave family 'support' but that family 'support' takes pretty much everything away from me..

I'm planning my final part of 'escape from Alcatraz' and thinking that if needs be I'll grab what I can that I've got here and not worry about it. (I just have a few things here).

She will go ballistic if I ever said I was going into rented. I just have to split, like johnny. #teamjohnny 

 

 

 

I certainly hope you find a way to own but in the end if you have to rent for your own sanity then that should be an option also,  don't be scared of leaving family support, what you have with your mom is not support, it's an anchor keeping you down. Free yourself and don't care what others think

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Maybe renting is the answer.  I went from feeling like there was support to being a full owner overnight and honestly it's about killed me.  The only people I know for sure that will come here is the ambulance, the fire department, the mail and the sheriff for the final sale when I'm dead.  On your own doesn't even begin to describe this life.  Nobody ever gives a crap what happens to you.  It's hard!

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

Maybe renting is the answer.  I went from feeling like there was support to being a full owner overnight and honestly it's about killed me.  The only people I know for sure that will come here is the ambulance, the fire department, the mail and the sheriff for the final sale when I'm dead.  On your own doesn't even begin to describe this life.  Nobody ever gives a crap what happens to you.  It's hard!

I agree, it's super hard being on your own. And a house is a big responsibility to shoulder 🤔

I bet your place is lovely though, you're always working on it 🌻

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28 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I agree, it's super hard being on your own. And a house is a big responsibility to shoulder 🤔

I bet your place is lovely though, you're always working on it 🌻

Thanks that last part made me cry.  I'm a wimp.  I cry about everything.  On the news in the morning they have green paws if it's ok weather to walk the dog and red paws if the weather is too bad to walk the dog.  I always cry every time I see the red paws even though I don't have a dog.🙄Thanks for the compliment.  More than anything I hope you find your dream home!

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5 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

One of those nights when I can’t sleep, it’s way past my bedtime, and I have to wake up earlier for work tomorrow, and I don’t know how to sort out the feelings inside me…and also because I had no motivation to do my work today and caffeine was my only motivation today and this is the result 😞 I am so dead tomorrow…thank u, my mind, for worrying so much…sigh…

Put on some background noise, rain, forests, oceans whatever, with the black screen option…… i find that very calming(relatively of course) 

no motivation is the worst feeling ever, I understand how you are feeling, and can only offer energy so you know you dont fight alone in this battle.

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Posted (edited)

Hi everyone. First post. I am 44 years old and experienced severe MDD at 27, 37 and now 44. This most recent episode came about because I tried to come off Effexor after 7 years of no symptoms. I have been back on my therapeutic dose of 300 mg a day for about 4 weeks. I'm just trying to survive until that 6-8 week mark.

The depression is so bad I cannot work. Luckily my boss is supportive and is allowing me to take sick leave.

I was divorced two years ago and live alone with my cat. I have no close friends in the area. I feel very alone and isolated. I have reached out to my parents and friends on the phone which has helped a little.

I had a lot of repressed emotions surrounding my marriage and divorce that surfaced during the last few weeks. It has been an extremely painful experience. I feel guilt, remorse, regret, and great loss. I have had thoughts of suicide but am able to dismiss them because of my children. I still see them quite a bit, and it is difficult to hide my illness from them. They have generally adjusted to the divorce and I don't want to burden them with my problems.

Mornings are especially hard, but so is the afternoon. I am suffering right now. I feel miserable and there is no end in sight. I have very little hope but I keep telling myself to hold on. The Effexor worked for me before and so it should work again. It's just so hard not knowing how long it will take for this cloud to lift.

I seem to get some relief when the sun goes down which is a new experience for me. In the past there was no relief for months and months and I did try to end my life when I was 27 (before I had kids). My poor ex-wife nursed me back to health during my previous two episodes. This is the first time I have had to tackle this by myself and it is terrifying. I hate my life now. I miss my ex-wife and my family. I made so many mistakes that I wish I could change. I want to get healthy and win her back but I don't know if it's possible. I am just really hurting right now. Thanks for reading my post.

 

Edited by ArizonaDad
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