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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Hi guys. Hope everyone is doing ok today. Special good afternoon to duck😁

So far today hasn't been too bad apart from usual low key torment from narc mom - just constant wittering on at me when I am desperate for some thinking space... Even when I'm in the shower, the wittering on at me continues 😳

Anyway, I'm away from there for a good while. Tired as usual but hopeful about tomorrow going well 🤞

 

 

Edited by Nightjar
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12 hours ago, duck said:

Oh Man!  No sleep for a week is not good.  Ending up in the hospital is even worse.  I hope you get some help for your shoulder asap.  The pain sucks!

strangely it's really only painful when i'm laying down flat or reaching up, any other time it seems to be a manageable ache,  thanks duck, how are you doing today

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10 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Hard day today.  Can't seem to pinpoint the reason, though, as outwardly everything was okay.  Hugs to everyone!

hugs back, sometimes we get those days for no reason, hope tomorrow is better

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7 hours ago, iWantRope said:

If anyone is feeling lonely: you can take away all the people I have to socially interact with, they are constantly looking for someone to bother.

No charge

Please don't send my way, I have enough of my own. Perhaps we can swap people for a day for a change up 😉

 

7 hours ago, iWantRope said:

If anyone is feeling lonely: you can take away all the people I have to socially interact with, they are constantly looking for someone to bother.

No charge

 

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I bought a rabbit decoration today because I felt sorry for the rabbit because nobody cares about her anymore now that Easter is over!  I said that to the cashier as I was buying it crying the whole time.  That sums up how much of a mess I usually am.

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10 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I bought a rabbit decoration today because I felt sorry for the rabbit because nobody cares about her anymore now that Easter is over!  I said that to the cashier as I was buying it crying the whole time.  That sums up how much of a mess I usually am.

I like your soft heart. I am sensitive too.

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5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Hi guys. Hope everyone is doing ok today. Special good afternoon to duck😁

So far today hasn't been too bad apart from usual low key torment from narc mom - just constant wittering on at me when I am desperate for some thinking space... Even when I'm in the shower, the wittering on at me continues 😳

Anyway, I'm away from there for a good while. Tired as usual but hopeful about tomorrow going well 🤞

 

 

Good evening Nightjar 😀  Glad to hear you are doing a bit better today.

I am about to have breakfast at 1:15 pm.  

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18 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Hard day today.  Can't seem to pinpoint the reason, though, as outwardly everything was okay.  Hugs to everyone!

Oh dear!  Sorry to hear.  I hope tomorrow is better.  🤗

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2 hours ago, watalife said:

I have a headache after the 2 hour interview. Now it's time to eat cake.

I love Black Forest cake 😁

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Today is better for some reason.  Not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Its scary when the dark moods trend downwards.   I feel that there is a floor under my depression and that I can bounce back from a lot of stuff.  When the floor disappears -- that is such a scary time.   Once the floor disappears once one becomes keenly aware that it could happen again.  Don't want to ever end up in a mental hospital again. Knock wood.

Sending hugs to everyone here!

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3 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

Today is better for some reason.  Not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Its scary when the dark moods trend downwards.   I feel that there is a floor under my depression and that I can bounce back from a lot of stuff.  When the floor disappears -- that is such a scary time.   Once the floor disappears once one becomes keenly aware that it could happen again.  Don't want to ever end up in a mental hospital again. Knock wood.

Sending hugs to everyone here!

Glad you're feeling better and hope it continues. Have to really enjoy each better/good day.

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24 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Good luck!  I hope everything goes well!❤️

Thanks sober 😊 I'm just about to go and see it. I got stuck in some major traffic, which put an extra hour on my journey 🤔 but I didnt care today. 

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6 hours ago, Nightjar said:

On my way to viewing. Wish me luck 🍀

Argh, I like it a lot. I'm just worried about the fact its an apartment and there will be issues with noise.... I've got PTSD from noise issues on top of my PTSD from the narcissists 😬

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40 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Argh, I like it a lot. I'm just worried about the fact its an apartment and there will be issues with noise.... I've got PTSD from noise issues on top of my PTSD from the narcissists 😬

Maybe make a visit alone one evening or this weekend to see what the building is like when more people are home, may give you an idea of noise levels

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6 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Maybe make a visit alone one evening or this weekend to see what the building is like when more people are home, may give you an idea of noise levels

There is only one other guy in the building at the moment. He is really lovely, but he's moving on soon.. He's sold his place (which would be under me) to an elderly lady who may or may not get freaked out by my footsteps overhead (he told me he can hear that). It may mean tip toeing around if she's sensitive to it and I don't wanna go there again...

. . I would have two floors to my apartment but knowing apartments it wouldn't be silent below even when I was on the top, top floor, though I guess that was what I was hoping 🤔

There is another apartment on the ground floor which is empty and being slowly, slowly renovated (it's taking ages)... Don't know who will be moving in there in the next year/couple of years. 

I loved the views (drop dead gorgeous). Where it is (drop dead gorgeous and quiet little street). Beautiful garden and it had enough space and character for me. I think it could be a gorgeous little pad.

I heard the door bang downstairs while I was there so I know I would hear that though it wasn't crazy loud. 🤔🤔🤔

Any feedback welcome 🤔

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@NightjarYou say you like it a lot.  I know how it is.  It's hard to like anything a lot so I would just keep that mindset if it was me.  I like this place a lot.  It can be a great place for you and there's no way I would tip toe in the apartment.  Just live your life.

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On 4/19/2022 at 10:29 PM, duck said:

I am just wondering what's the plan?  Will you continue to work and wear yourself down some more?  I kept working and wore myself down.  I could barely walk or talk when I left my job and went on disability.   HUGS

Thanks.  My therapist thinks I need to somehow about approach my boss about returning to the office for at least a few days. I am not sure if and how I can do this since my boss is uh, rather difficult to deal with at times but I think I need to at least give it shot at some point. Doing a hybrid schedule would not solve my issues by a longshot but I think it would help my motivation some and give me more of a routine which also would be helpful for me.

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3 minutes ago, sober4life said:

@NightjarYou say you like it a lot.  I know how it is.  It's hard to like anything a lot so I would just keep that mindset if it was me.  I like this place a lot.  It can be a great place for you and there's no way I would tip toe in the apartment.  Just live your life.

Yep, I was dead set on it earlier n then I started thinking about potential noise issues and whether it was worth the risk. I was dead set against apartments till now... It's just so hard to buy anything and I worry that the little house I may have the slim chance to buy may or may not have thin walls like the one I own, though the house I own now is the only house I've ever known to have walls like that...So, so thin.

It does feel better in mom's apartment, in spite of noise. It's not so intrusive here. I heard every little thing in that house. I can't bear being there. Here, it's more loud noises we hear.. And the footsteps..... 

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Just had an altercation with narc mom. She just kept on and on at me when I asked her to leave me alone. Everything I say is contradicted. Everything I say is met with an I know better and I do better than you. Its rough. I hate the tension. I wish there was good feeling. But its mostly trying to escape and keeping my mouth shut. 

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