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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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10 hours ago, sober4life said:

The high temperature for today is 39 degrees.  What does that mean in this state of Ohio?  It means the 80 degree days are coming.🤨Am I bipolar or does the crazy weather here just mess me up all the time?

Same here…in fact the grass is currently covered in snow and some of the more rural parts of the area could get up to 6 inches they said. But by the weekend…it is supposed to be in the 70’s! Been a really awful spring so far so hopefully things will begin to turn around after this snow and cold day.

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I did a decent amount of work today for a Monday. Also, this past weekend, I decided to speak up and went off on some things that were bothering me. It felt kind of good to do that. Not sure if it will do any good in the long run or if it will help me to be in a better place with things but it is better than keeping all of this stuff bottled up inside.

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9 minutes ago, monicott17 said:

I did a decent amount of work today for a Monday. Also, this past weekend, I decided to speak up and went off on some things that were bothering me. It felt kind of good to do that. Not sure if it will do any good in the long run or if it will help me to be in a better place with things but it is better than keeping all of this stuff bottled up inside.

Yup, def makes you feel better to let it all out, now only to do it myself more than i do

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Cant deal with shoulder pain anymore,  saw primary doc and had xray done today, either severe tendonitis or rotator cuff tear,  depending on what xray results show i may need mri test also, depression meds help me sleep some but this still keeps me from deep sleep, why do i tend to be so stubborn with getting help

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I'm stubborn about getting help because I don't trust anyone.  I honestly believe everyone is up to something.  I'm glad that my feelings are just about people now.  I used to believe even pets were sent in by the government to spy on me and the bugs were real listening devices and the birds were cameras all to spy on me.  I got past it by having a life I know nobody wants to watch.

These computers I'm using are about toast but at this point it becomes me saying I want to see how long I can keep these things going.  This one is 11 years old and the one in the other room is 15 years old.

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4 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Cant deal with shoulder pain anymore,  saw primary doc and had xray done today, either severe tendonitis or rotator cuff tear,  depending on what xray results show i may need mri test also,

Got the very same problem... even becoming tough to sleep, depending on the position. Doctor had x-ray done and told me it's likely tendonitis, recommending PT. I don't know -- it feels too awful to be something simple, but it's been months with it constantly causing pain in different ways. I don't even know what I did to cause it. In any case, I hope you get past it...

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

These computers I'm using are about toast but at this point it becomes me saying I want to see how long I can keep these things going.  This one is 11 years old and the one in the other room is 15 years old.

Wow, I've had my main one since 2011, making it also 11 years old. I really need to upgrade, but then I opted for top of the line back in 2011, which I guess is not a good thing now, ironically enough (16 GB RAM, 160 GB SSD, Core i7 on Win 7). It's a bit strange that 16 GB RAM is fine even today, but a 160 GB drive really needs to be at least 5 or 10 times the size to keep up.

15 years old is impressive, though. My only competitor is my old Commodore 64, which is prehistoric by today's standards and no longer even barely usable for much.

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11 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Fair i guess, seeing my daughter lightened my mood some, meds are leveling off, running out of stuff to pack so i guess im about ready

Ah,  it's such a load off (literally) when the packing is done isn't it?

Always helpful if family stuff is good too..👌

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10 hours ago, sober4life said:

I like cleaning and tidying up too.  I actually like mowing or really making anything I own look better.  I like handwashing the car.  It's always made me feel better to do those things.  

You'd make someone a great partner with those qualities! 🤔 I love tidying ❤️ and its great as long as I don't let the OCD take over and take it too far 😉

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Dad managed to deal with COVID okay but now on the tail-end of that, we find out his kidney disease has progressed to stage 4. I am so f'ing tired of everything. Can't even say he tried to make improvements in his life. He didn't, he won't even eat vegetables or cut back on coke or coffee.

I really do believe there's happiness in life, just not for me. Sometimes people just have lives that are meant for suffering. I turn 35 soon and have nothing to show for it. I should've left home when I was 18 and not looked back. I would've told younger me to never sacrifice myself for family...it ain't worth it. They will take everything from you and still ask "what about me?"

It is my brother's birthday today and I want to be happy for him but I'm just full of anger and bitterness.

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7 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Got the very same problem... even becoming tough to sleep, depending on the position. Doctor had x-ray done and told me it's likely tendonitis, recommending PT. I don't know -- it feels too awful to be something simple, but it's been months with it constantly causing pain in different ways. I don't even know what I did to cause it. In any case, I hope you get past it...

Well ive had torn rotator and bicep on left arm repaired so im familiar, right shoulder keeps me awake at night but not nearly as bad as the left was so im not sure its the same but im not a doc, doc said there are 4 rotator tendons and it would only feel similar if the same one is the problem 

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5 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Ah,  it's such a load off (literally) when the packing is done isn't it?

Always helpful if family stuff is good too..👌

Yes both made things feel easier

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I'm feeling a bit icky, I don't know, tiredness and hormones maybe. I'm definitely irritable. Maybe I should go and hide at my place till later. I'm at the park and all the kids are making me question my humanity. Lol. 

Oh, I booked a viewing today for an apartment. I'm feeling really hopeful and positive about it. I'm going up on Thursday 🤔

Edited by Nightjar
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6 hours ago, Nightjar said:

You'd make someone a great partner with those qualities! 🤔 I love tidying ❤️ and its great as long as I don't let the OCD take over and take it too far 😉

You would make someone a great partner too.  I don't think I've ever taken things too far.🤭I think we're both very close to getting a good life.  It's right around the corner for both of us.  I can feel it.  I'm actually close to working on that goal finding a partner.  I put it off until last because it's the one thing I don't think I can do.  The amount of work it took to make it so the windows and the generator will be put in this year was unbelievable but having a small conversation with someone and forming a connection with you know someone from my own species seems impossible.🤦‍♀️

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6 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Dad managed to deal with COVID okay but now on the tail-end of that, we find out his kidney disease has progressed to stage 4. I am so f'ing tired of everything. Can't even say he tried to make improvements in his life. He didn't, he won't even eat vegetables or cut back on coke or coffee.

I really do believe there's happiness in life, just not for me. Sometimes people just have lives that are meant for suffering. I turn 35 soon and have nothing to show for it. I should've left home when I was 18 and not looked back. I would've told younger me to never sacrifice myself for family...it ain't worth it. They will take everything from you and still ask "what about me?"

It is my brother's birthday today and I want to be happy for him but I'm just full of anger and bitterness.

I'm so sorry. What a lot to handle. Sending feelings of peace and worthiness.

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18 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm stubborn about getting help because I don't trust anyone.  I honestly believe everyone is up to something.  I'm glad that my feelings are just about people now.  I used to believe even pets were sent in by the government to spy on me and the bugs were real listening devices and the birds were cameras all to spy on me.  I got past it by having a life I know nobody wants to watch.

These computers I'm using are about toast but at this point it becomes me saying I want to see how long I can keep these things going.  This one is 11 years old and the one in the other room is 15 years old.

I just received an e-mail from my dishwasher, asking if I was satisfied with its performance. I just said it was better than the one it replaced, hope it has a sense of humour.

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20 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Cant deal with shoulder pain anymore,  saw primary doc and had xray done today, either severe tendonitis or rotator cuff tear,  depending on what xray results show i may need mri test also, depression meds help me sleep some but this still keeps me from deep sleep, why do i tend to be so stubborn with getting help

Sorry about your shoulder pain.  I am praying for you.

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9 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Dad managed to deal with COVID okay but now on the tail-end of that, we find out his kidney disease has progressed to stage 4. I am so f'ing tired of everything. Can't even say he tried to make improvements in his life. He didn't, he won't even eat vegetables or cut back on coke or coffee.

I really do believe there's happiness in life, just not for me. Sometimes people just have lives that are meant for suffering. I turn 35 soon and have nothing to show for it. I should've left home when I was 18 and not looked back. I would've told younger me to never sacrifice myself for family...it ain't worth it. They will take everything from you and still ask "what about me?"

It is my brother's birthday today and I want to be happy for him but I'm just full of anger and bitterness.

Sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time.  Kidney disease is awful from what I heard. 

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9 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

Dad managed to deal with COVID okay but now on the tail-end of that, we find out his kidney disease has progressed to stage 4. I am so f'ing tired of everything. Can't even say he tried to make improvements in his life. He didn't, he won't even eat vegetables or cut back on coke or coffee.

I really do believe there's happiness in life, just not for me. Sometimes people just have lives that are meant for suffering. I turn 35 soon and have nothing to show for it. I should've left home when I was 18 and not looked back. I would've told younger me to never sacrifice myself for family...it ain't worth it. They will take everything from you and still ask "what about me?"

It is my brother's birthday today and I want to be happy for him but I'm just full of anger and bitterness.

Sorry you are dealing with this and I can relate. I never bought the “there is someone for everyone” line and love/happiness is something I can only dream about or live vicariously through others. I also find it hard to be happy for others.

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All this time…they were only pretending to be nice. I think somewhere along the line I may have realized it but it didn’t really register until recent events really hammered it home. Sad on many levels since it was the closest thing to family gatherings I will get. Sure maybe I will get a “pity” invite in the future to tag along with others they actually do like but I won’t bother. Sitting home alone is depressing but far less depressing than sitting somewhere where you know you aren’t wanted and are being judged.

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2 hours ago, duck said:

Sorry about your shoulder pain.  I am praying for you.

Thanks, this has been ongoing keeping me awake and is most probably part of the reason i went over a week without sleeping and ending up back in the hospital with a mental relapse,  so, my own damn fault.

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1 hour ago, surfcaster said:

Thanks, this has been ongoing keeping me awake and is most probably part of the reason i went over a week without sleeping and ending up back in the hospital with a mental relapse,  so, my own damn fault.

Oh Man!  No sleep for a week is not good.  Ending up in the hospital is even worse.  I hope you get some help for your shoulder asap.  The pain sucks!

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3 hours ago, monicott17 said:

All this time…they were only pretending to be nice. I think somewhere along the line I may have realized it but it didn’t really register until recent events really hammered it home. Sad on many levels since it was the closest thing to family gatherings I will get. Sure maybe I will get a “pity” invite in the future to tag along with others they actually do like but I won’t bother. Sitting home alone is depressing but far less depressing than sitting somewhere where you know you aren’t wanted and are being judged.

I am just wondering what's the plan?  Will you continue to work and wear yourself down some more?  I kept working and wore myself down.  I could barely walk or talk when I left my job and went on disability.   HUGS

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