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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Was hoping for sleep and got very little. I was looking at houses online in the middle of the night, trying to figure out what to do. The guy upstairs was up for most of the night and didn't help I'm sure. 

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Every day i feel a bit better about losing kitty.  We will start cleaning his room today, yesterday i threw out the filthy rug.  "His" room was supposed to only last say 3 months, but ended up being a year as was taking a long time to try to get the two cats to be friends.  But now it can be an office again, which was always the plan.   Point is, each day i feel a little better.  Its good to know I can heal.  

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I wish I could somehow make myself want to drive again. Super frustrating because I have to depend on others and always do things on their terms. Like today, need to go to the mall and was up early and ready especially since I like to be there close to when it opens (less busy) but that wasn’t convenient so now I have to go at the busy time and it is already making me anxious. I wouldn’t bother at all but not going out on weekends makes me feel worse since I am basically in my bedroom 24-7 on weekdays.

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Well I am back from venturing out…didn’t really do all that well. In fact, I have noticed the last few times going to the store or being out elsewhere, my anxiety has been higher and starting to feel some panic again. Especially today, it was super busy there. And while I was able to browse the items, I didn’t buy anything though because several of the stores had employees that gave me weird vibes and didn’t want to have to engage with them. 

Maybe it is that particular area I was in or perhaps Saturday is just a bad day to go as it was also full of rude people and not just store employees, but people in general seemed to be in a bad mood. I get sort of triggered by people on their phones talking loudly and almost yelling and saw a lot of that as well.

I don’t know what to say anymore….I don’t like being stuck in the house so much but I am not liking and as comfortable with being out either.  I think I might need to discuss this with my therapist as I do not like the way I felt today after being out…was angry about some things I shouldn’t really be angry about and as I said, some employees I encountered weirded me out so I was a bit paranoid as well.

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@monicott17

Hi monicott. Sorry you had an uncomfortable experience today. It definitely sounds like it would be worthwhile to discuss this with your therapist. She may be able to give you some coping mechanisms 🤞 

I do have to say that yip, I agree, people on the whole are pretty strange and not all that welcoming a lot of the time. I empathise. 

Edited by Nightjar
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I try not to go out very much.  Today was a family reunion.  Yesterday I accidentally knocked over a whole row of 6 foot tall rooster statues at tractor supply and I took off running.  I hope I never have to go out again.

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Hello all !   I am still here.  I am sleeping way too much probably caused by medications.  That’s what  my doctor says.  

Edited by duck
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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I try not to go out very much.  Today was a family reunion.  Yesterday I accidentally knocked over a whole row of 6 foot tall rooster statues at tractor supply and I took off running.  I hope I never have to go out again.

Those are tall rooster statues.   They will wake you up every mor😀ning 

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4 minutes ago, duck said:

Those are tall rooster statues.   They will wake you up every mor😀ning 

I was in my own world as usual when I was in the store but honestly it was probably a sign.  I've wanted to buy one of the rooster statues ever since I've seen them years ago.  Family are supposed to stay here for the holidays this year.  Maybe I'll buy the statue and put it front of the guest bed so it's staring at them when they're sleeping.😃

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Good morning Everyone!  Good morning Nightjar 😀

I had a long nap last night and now at 4 am I am wide awake but it's okay because I have chores to do. I am also watching the Formula One car race from Australia.

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Good morning @duck🙋‍♀️

I had sleep but it felt very light. Feeling better today though I think. At least I wasn't freaking out in the middle of the night about things. 

Good luck with your chores. I'm gonna have a rest day today 🤞

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Venturing out again today…hope it goes better this time as I will be in a different area than yesterday and places that are usually less crowded. Already feeling my usual Sunday blues though ☹️.

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9 minutes ago, monicott17 said:

Venturing out again today…hope it goes better this time as I will be in a different area than yesterday and places that are usually less crowded. Already feeling my usual Sunday blues though ☹️.

Good luck for today 🍀🍀🍀

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On 4/5/2022 at 8:03 AM, Nightjar said:

Good to see you evalynn... I don't know if coffee helps brain fog or not 🤔 Maybe cut down a little bit and see if you feel any better? 

 

On 4/5/2022 at 3:04 PM, evalynn said:

Just run down. Tossed and turned all night and was in pain. Finally got some sleep but I'm still tired. 

Hi Evalynn,

Real good to see you 🙂

I hope you feel better.  :console:

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Had my church service over the phone with my small fam.

Didn't know it is Palm Sunday, but so nice one of my pastor's brought me a palm leaf.

Nice to be thought of, ya know?

Finishing up some writing.  Got bad news in the mail on Friday-- I'm going to choose to not care, trying not to worry.

I do pray every morning now, I'm scared not to.

I send love to everyone.  I remember when I first logged on, so many MANY kind people.

Thank you for making me feel, know, I'm not alone.

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On 4/6/2022 at 1:17 PM, sober4life said:

Believe me I know how you feel.  Mental illness is really the only medical condition where you have to pretend it doesn't exist as much as you possibly can.  Every time anyone has asked me how are you?  I've said I'm ok and lied about it every time.  It's absurd!  If I have a broken arm or broken leg I sure don't have to grimace and use them anyway.  It's why I'm moving toward going off the grid because I can be myself here.

that's how I feel too. it's like im lying to people /family and then i end up falling apart...because i can't be open about how i feel. Yet if i had a broken leg, or something it would be easier to talk about.

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I've been trying to tame a dog I see on a regular basis.  We're to the point where she tries to bite me if I pet her but she wines when I leave so I guess if I think about it that's already me in dog form so maybe we are a good match.🤨

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On 4/8/2022 at 9:42 AM, oscarnappy76 said:

What food are you feeding her?  Hill's Biome worked really well for a while, making his poo much more solid.  But then he kinda stopped liking it so I switched to Royal Canin Gastrointestinal Moderate Calorie.  That also worked well and Oscar liked it.  They have wet and dry, cats obviously prefer wet and its better for their digestive system.   My cat had IBD for years and was on steroids for years, and it really seems to have extended his life.  I think he may have been 19 when he passed, so you could have at least another 4 years.   Oscar also had pancreatitis and the steroids seemed to help both.   

Great info. Right now, both cats are eating Nutri-Source chicken and rice formula. It's a wet food and I stir water into it because neither of them drinks much water. They pee quite well! I'll check out the Royal Canin stuff.

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23 hours ago, sober4life said:

I try not to go out very much.  Today was a family reunion.  Yesterday I accidentally knocked over a whole row of 6 foot tall rooster statues at tractor supply and I took off running.  I hope I never have to go out again.

See, you and I have to be related. I'm always doing stuff like that when out in public.

Tractor Supply Company is one of my favorite stores. For one thing, it smells so good in there. They used to carry big cast-metal models of all kinds of different tractors but they don't anymore. I still have some from the 1960s and 70s.

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@monicott17 I think people simply are more rude now. The long Covid situation and perilous financial times (especially inflation) are making people nervous and short tempered. I try to keep that in mind when I'm out and give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not always successful but most of the time it goes well.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

@monicott17 I think people simply are more rude now. The long Covid situation and perilous financial times (especially inflation) are making people nervous and short tempered. I try to keep that in mind when I'm out and give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not always successful but most of the time it goes well.

There are some other peculiar changes as well. One is drivers at night with their headlights off. I'm seeing at least one or two every time nowadays. It didn't seem to be this way in the past. I've no idea if it's just me somehow or if it's a real trend.

Regarding rudeness, at least we now have a good excuse for the "strategic street crossing" when someone is walking towards you (or trampling through the bushes on the side if it's not feasible to cross).

Edited by anon22ae
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7 hours ago, JD4010 said:

See, you and I have to be related. I'm always doing stuff like that when out in public.

Tractor Supply Company is one of my favorite stores. For one thing, it smells so good in there. They used to carry big cast-metal models of all kinds of different tractors but they don't anymore. I still have some from the 1960s and 70s.

I go in there to see the baby chickens.  Every time I'm in town I stop there just for that even if I don't need to buy anything.❤️

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Good morning everyone 😃

I have an appointment with my eye specialist later today.  I get very nervous when he tries to test my eyes.  Any tips on this is appreciated.  Thank you!

 

My sleep schedule is upside down.  What can I say?  When I am awake I try to do chores.  I try not to fight it.

Edited by duck
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