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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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23 hours ago, duck said:

I am still around.   I had an incident on Tuesday which shook me up.  I will explain later.  Hugs for anyone who needs one. 

Last Monday I went to meet a friend Don for coffee.  I parked and was walking away when two bylaw officers showed up in a vehicle.  They turned on their red and blue lights on top of their vehicle.  They began looking inside my car so I asked them if there was an issue.  They told me I was parked illegally and I have to move my car or I will get a one hundred dollar ticket.  I explained to them the parking signs clearly states it is legal to park there. They told me I was wrong and I have to move.  I moved my car and found another parking spot.  These officers were dumb and clueless. I know I was correct.   I wondered how many people got parking tickets when they were legally parked there.  

My whole life I have had to deal with bullies!  I experienced similar issues before.  I am sick of this.  Therapy is a waste of my time and money.  It does not help in anyway.  I am not sure what to do.  My next appointment with my therapist is next Monday but nothing will change.  It will be a waste of another two hundred dollars.  

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19 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Hey duck, hope you're OK. Hugs :hugs:

Good morning Nightjar 😀

I hope you have a great day today.  

I am adding up my medical receipts for my income taxes. 

Edited by duck
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8 hours ago, duck said:

Last Monday I went to meet a friend Don for coffee.  I parked and was walking away when two bylaw officers showed up in a vehicle.  They turned on their red and blue lights on top of their vehicle.  They began looking inside my car so I asked them if there was an issue.  They told me I was parked illegally and I have to move my car or I will get a one hundred dollar ticket.  I explained to them the parking signs clearly states it is legal to park there. They told me I was wrong and I have to move.  I moved my car and found another parking spot.  These officers were dumb and clueless. I know I was correct.   I wondered how many people got parking tickets when they were legally parked there.  

My whole life I have had to deal with bullies!  I experienced similar issues before.  I am sick of this.  Therapy is a waste of my time and money.  It does not help in anyway.  I am not sure what to do.  My next appointment with my therapist is next Monday but nothing will change.  It will be a waste of another two hundred dollars.  

In my experience therapy only helps when you find the right fit for you, and it never helped me until i started being completely honest about everything and stopped holding back in fear of being committed 

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9 hours ago, duck said:

Last Monday I went to meet a friend Don for coffee.  I parked and was walking away when two bylaw officers showed up in a vehicle.  They turned on their red and blue lights on top of their vehicle.  They began looking inside my car so I asked them if there was an issue.  They told me I was parked illegally and I have to move my car or I will get a one hundred dollar ticket.  I explained to them the parking signs clearly states it is legal to park there. They told me I was wrong and I have to move.  I moved my car and found another parking spot.  These officers were dumb and clueless. I know I was correct.   I wondered how many people got parking tickets when they were legally parked there.  

My whole life I have had to deal with bullies!  I experienced similar issues before.  I am sick of this.  Therapy is a waste of my time and money.  It does not help in anyway.  I am not sure what to do.  My next appointment with my therapist is next Monday but nothing will change.  It will be a waste of another two hundred dollars.  

I know how you feel.  Around here in these small towns they do the broken parking meter scam.  Everyone worries about tickets so if the meter was working the person would put in one coin let's say a quarter.  With it not working you may put in 3 or 4 quarters trying to get things to work.  There must be something I did wrong or something wrong with the quarter or whatever.  That's the world we live in.  You know what they're doing they might pressure people all day and some who knows might be given a ticket and pay it because they are afraid and they know the city gets to make up whatever rules they want as they go and they can't lose.  Yeah they might be dumb and clueless or they might be bullies that shake people down all day like that.

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On 3/15/2022 at 2:56 PM, Extremebeginner said:

Are you with the right therapist…… maybe they do understand and are trying to offer pathways that are not agreeable to you. 
Anyway, I understand how hard med changes can be, so don’t feel alone, and therapists are human too and can, despite their training, miss a key point. I tried many therapists but now rely on people I know to judge me, lol, or tell me how I am acting up, and I use some online youtube videos to attemptvto deal with specific issues. Youtube doesn't answer back! 

Yea your right

i feel so bad today 😔

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On 3/15/2022 at 11:16 AM, sober4life said:

I'm celebrating my birthday today with family.  Every show has a musical episode where someone sings everything.  Maybe if I do that today it will be the last time I have to do this.🤨

Happy belated birthday, my friend in sobriety!

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12 hours ago, duck said:

Last Monday I went to meet a friend Don for coffee.  I parked and was walking away when two bylaw officers showed up in a vehicle.  They turned on their red and blue lights on top of their vehicle.  They began looking inside my car so I asked them if there was an issue.  They told me I was parked illegally and I have to move my car or I will get a one hundred dollar ticket.  I explained to them the parking signs clearly states it is legal to park there. They told me I was wrong and I have to move.  I moved my car and found another parking spot.  These officers were dumb and clueless. I know I was correct.   I wondered how many people got parking tickets when they were legally parked there.  

My whole life I have had to deal with bullies!  I experienced similar issues before.  I am sick of this.  Therapy is a waste of my time and money.  It does not help in anyway.  I am not sure what to do.  My next appointment with my therapist is next Monday but nothing will change.  It will be a waste of another two hundred dollars.  

I honestly do not know if therapy will end up working for me in the long run but for right now, it is one of the few things keeping me going. My current therapist is good and is really the only person I can talk openly with…without being mocked or judged. He’s given me the time and space I need to decide about meds and isn’t pushy in any way. I think my current miserable work and living situation is why I keep at it but I am not sure if things were even slightly better on those fronts if therapy would be worth it. There are many things that I am a “lost cause” on and  cannot be fixed by therapy or anything really. One, in particular has haunted me nearly all my life but I can’t/won’t talk about it for a number of reasons.

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16 hours ago, duck said:

Thank you surfcaster!  

I tried calling the mental help line for the first time today (in many years) .  The psychologist who answered was speaking so softly I could barely hear her.  I politely asked her to turn up her volume but she hung up. I am not surprised.  These people are clueless and useless.  

that's just wrong, that person should not be on a help line, i hope that didn't give you a breakdown

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8 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

What can i do to help you? Here is a warm hug to start

I don’t know what to do I feel like no one can help me called the doctor waiting to find out what to do and tried to call my therapist but he didn’t answer 

thanks for the hug

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18 minutes ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

I don’t know what to do I feel like no one can help me called the doctor waiting to find out what to do and tried to call my therapist but he didn’t answer 

thanks for the hug

Have you tried to switch off from the world just for 10 minutes, follow some guided meditation or guided breathing exercises. Sounds crazy and doesn’t resolve any issues but it can give you 10 minutes of relief.

🤗🤗

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12 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

Have you tried to switch off from the world just for 10 minutes, follow some guided meditation or guided breathing exercises. Sounds crazy and doesn’t resolve any issues but it can give you 10 minutes of relief.

🤗🤗

Nothing is helping

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Do you have any chill pills from the doctor? I’m talking about the benzodiazepine style stuff. It’s addictive but if you can avoid getting hooked and use them, they can work effectively to give you breathing space. I am actually on one now, first in a week so it can be done!

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12 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

Do you have any chill pills from the doctor? I’m talking about the benzodiazepine style stuff. It’s addictive but if you can avoid getting hooked and use them, they can work effectively to give you breathing space. I am actually on one now, first in a week so it can be done!

I do have some if they don’t call back I might take one

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I think maybe I'm allergic to people.  Would it really be a stretch to say that?  I can't think of one good reaction from being around anyone in person in my life.  So if I said I was allergic to people would I really be wrong?

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33 minutes ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

I do have some if they don’t call back I might take one

I would, they help. I was just on the phone with a friend but had to hang up cuz I was jumping all over the place, no focus whatsoever…. Im being chilled by the pill. Not the prefered solution but a good coping mechanism

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22 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said:

I would, they help. I was just on the phone with a friend but had to hang up cuz I was jumping all over the place, no focus whatsoever…. Im being chilled by the pill. Not the prefered solution but a good coping mechanism

They didn’t call so I took one

i swear to god no one cares 

i want to *** and hit my head off the wall

Edited by cherryapplez2020
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37 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I think maybe I'm allergic to people.  Would it really be a stretch to say that?  I can't think of one good reaction from being around anyone in person in my life.  So if I said I was allergic to people would I really be wrong?

At least that's a COVID silver lining: You can cross the road or walk as far to the side as possible to avoid someone coming towards you. In the past, this was a sign of unfriendliness, hostility or even racism, depending on who's headed towards you. Not that it was much different in the past for me, but at least now there's plausible legitimacy to a strategic street crossing or trampling through bushes to get away from your fellow pedestrians.

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9 minutes ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

They didn’t call so I took one

i swear to god no one cares 

i want to *** and hit my head off the wall

Whether they call or not at least now you will cope for a few hours. Try to rest and get a good nights sleep

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As much as i try to put out the persona of being a mentally strong person that nothing gets to and being the trustworthy one everyone can count on i just can't continue. It feels like something just broke,  i feel completely unstable, worried, i don't know , all this going on right now i just can't handle, i need to disconnect from this life,  be gone, or just disappear. I never have been able to ask anyone for help,  just have no trust i guess

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4 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

I don’t know what to do I feel like no one can help me called the doctor waiting to find out what to do and tried to call my therapist but he didn’t answer 

thanks for the hug

Kindly elaborate what do you require help with?

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4 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Kindly elaborate what do you require help with?

I just feel so lost and to meny med changes depression is so bad I don’t feel like anything or anybody can help it’s judt a feeling of needing help with all these bad feeling like not wanting to be a live I know that saying all that doesn’t answer ur question am just so confused 

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I think maybe I'm allergic to people.  Would it really be a stretch to say that?  I can't think of one good reaction from being around anyone in person in my life.  So if I said I was allergic to people would I really be wrong?

Do you work full time now? One normally hear this from people who work with people full time 

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6 hours ago, sober4life said:

I think maybe I'm allergic to people.  Would it really be a stretch to say that?  I can't think of one good reaction from being around anyone in person in my life.  So if I said I was allergic to people would I really be wrong?

HIGH FIVE!   I am also allergic to people.  I avoid them like the plague.  I have been abused mentally and physically too many times.   

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