Jump to content
Lindsay

How do You Feel Right Now? #12

Recommended Posts

8 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Honestly I don't have to have a positive outlook.  I can't give up right now.  I have to continue moving forward even if I hate every moment of it right now.  Anger will drive me forward until this is over even if it lasts 50 years.

I feel you and it is ok to feel positive about somethings in life.  Even if it is nothing more than watching animals care for each other

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Honestly I don't have to have a positive outlook.  I can't give up right now.  I have to continue moving forward even if I hate every moment of it right now.  Anger will drive me forward until this is over even if it lasts 50 years.

I am happy for you, and I hope everyone will be motivated the way you are..but every situation is different.....Good luck to everyone

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, Floor2017 said:

I feel you and it is ok to feel positive about somethings in life.  Even if it is nothing more than watching animals care for each other

Yes I do enjoy that.  I was crying tears of joy today when I saw the mother cows with their baby cows who are the size of big dogs now but they're still babies to me.  Animals have kept me going and saved my life for sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Saw my mother today, and we were on different wavelengths today. I asked if she was OK and she got a bit defensive and asked if I was OK. Much warmer weather lately, so maybe it was me. I like it cooler and my mother celebrates the heat. 

Also, got kind of annoyed by my mother speaking of plans weeks ahead to go out to a movie or restaurant. Again, she wants to celebrate when COVID-19 becomes better managed and we're off quarantine. TBQH, I am a recluse. I am used to being home due to my disability. M?y home is my cocoon. I treasure my own company.

Edited by Handon Frypan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Still beating myself up for making a customer mad at me even though I was trying to keep everyone safe I I always thought I was good at customer service the one job I could do right I'm not sure if I should be around customers and really doubting myself with everything so scared of losing my job even though I really do enjoy it just now is not the time for people to be out shopping especially in my town

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, law055car said:

Still beating myself up for making a customer mad at me even though I was trying to keep everyone safe I I always thought I was good at customer service the one job I could do right I'm not sure if I should be around customers and really doubting myself with everything so scared of losing my job even though I really do enjoy it just now is not the time for people to be out shopping especially in my town

what happened? customer service is not as easy as people think, i did that for many years. i am sure you did your best, but don't forget right now everyone is anxious, stressed, etc..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in shockingly bad shape but I don't have anything else I have to do between now and May 1st.  I need to try to hide away and try to get myself together enough to go out and get a real job in a few days.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Not well life is a struggle these day trying to find why I should stay alive can’t seem to find one

Couldn't agree more.

I see life as a meaningless struggle. I don't see the pointing in living either.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, samadhiSheol said:

Couldn't agree more.

I see life as a meaningless struggle. I don't see the pointing in living either.

I also feel like am only alive for eather people.

do you feel this way to???

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

I also feel like am only alive for eather people.

do you feel this way to???

that's 1 of the main reasons why I am still here..for my family..the people I love..if it wasn't for them I don't think I would care. I've had really bad experiences with men and friendships and I pretty much lost the majority of the people in my life because of this illness. very few stayed around. In college and in my past job once people realized that i was falling apart (wanted to end my life) and ended up in the hospital, they started looking at me in a different way. Some people still don't believe in this illness and they think it's all in your head which makes them want to stay away from you, because they think you are dangerous. During the years when I completely isolated some people from school and my job reached out to me, very few, I am fortunate for that. I guess in a way they kept me alive too because they remembered me. they knew I had struggles with depression/anxiety it was obvious but they didn't judge me...I don't know if we will all make it through pandemic so I personally thanked a bunch of people who reached out to me regardless of the fact that they knew I've been struggling with this for a long time. If anything were to happen to me or them, I want them to know that they played a role in me still being here today...to them maybe asking how I am feeling and how I am doing what something small but to me it meant a lot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

I also feel like am only alive for eather people.

do you feel this way to???

That's just how society structures humanity: a person's worth is valued by serving other people. That's why butchers, locksmiths, doctors, nurses & electricians are valued

But not people suffering from mental illness to the point he/she can't perform work (if you aren't contributing to others in society, you have no value nor deserve any worth)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

I also feel like am only alive for eather people.

do you feel this way to???

 

1 hour ago, iWantRope said:

That's just how society structures humanity: a person's worth is valued by serving other people. That's why butchers, locksmiths, doctors, nurses & electricians are valued

But not people suffering from mental illness to the point he/she can't perform work (if you aren't contributing to others in society, you have no value nor deserve any worth)

Yeah, pretty much concur to both.

Though I think it’s all just so much social convention. At the end of the day none of our social institutions or or conventions stand up to scrutiny. Neither do our definitions of life and the imperative to maintain life at any cost.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, iWantRope said:

That's just how society structures humanity: a person's worth is valued by serving other people. That's why butchers, locksmiths, doctors, nurses & electricians are valued

But not people suffering from mental illness to the point he/she can't perform work (if you aren't contributing to others in society, you have no value nor deserve any worth)

everyone is valued in my opinion! of course some close-minded people who think they are better than you because they are doctors and lawyers, etc, will exist along with those who think they are better because than someone else, simply because they have a degree, but that does not mean anything! Right now if those people who are working at supermarkets/retail/ cleaning the hospitals/cooks...etc didn't exist how would the world have survived? because we all need food, and clean laundry & environments. I never judge a person by the job/career he or she has , that's just wrong in my opinion. And how many times have we seen doctors, nurses, religious figures , etc being corrupt in this world and do some crazy stuff??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not here for other people really.  I don't have friends.  My neighbors would probably throw a party if I passed away.  My family would think finally we don't have to deal with that idiot anymore.  That's the cold hard facts of it.  Most peope wouldn't care if I died and some would even be happy if I wasn't here anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm not here for other people really.  I don't have friends.  My neighbors would probably throw a party if I passed away.  My family would think finally we don't have to deal with that idiot anymore.  That's the cold hard facts of it.  Most peope wouldn't care if I died and some would even be happy if I wasn't here anymore.

We would care, how many times have you guys helped me when I felt depressed and anxious? Don't pay attention to them. My cousin used to call me a loser, pathetic, and lazy..but I haven't spoken to her in months/years, and I don't' care anymore what she thinks.

Sometimes the random people we meet in our life are far more understanding and helpful in our life than our family & friends.. that's how I've felt with you guys on here, and others I've met in support groups, etc..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

We would care, how many times have you guys helped me when I felt depressed and anxious? Don't pay attention to them. My cousin used to call me a loser, pathetic, and lazy..but I haven't spoken to her in months/years, and I don't' care anymore what she thinks.

Sometimes the random people we meet in our life are far more understanding and helpful in our life than our family & friends.. that's how I've felt with you guys on here, and others I've met in support groups, etc..

I agree I would do anything for the people here.  People are wonderful here.  Everyone in real life treats me the same way.  Nobody has ever been happy to see me.  My whole life people have had the same attitude of what are you doing here.  Nobody has ever really liked me in 41 years.  They put up with me when I show up and hope they never see me again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I agree I would do anything for the people here.  People are wonderful here.  Everyone in real life treats me the same way.  Nobody has ever been happy to see me.  My whole life people have had the same attitude of what are you doing here.  Nobody has ever really liked me in 41 years.  They put up with me when I show up and hope they never see me again.

I have felt like this a lot during my life.  

People on this site are very understanding and insightful.  I am grateful to all of you, and have learned a lot from you.  There is something along this general line that I want to post about but need to think about it some more to finish sorting it out.  Please everyone be safe and well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, jkd_sd said:

I have felt like this a lot during my life.  

People on this site are very understanding and insightful.  I am grateful to all of you, and have learned a lot from you.  There is something along this general line that I want to post about but need to think about it some more to finish sorting it out.  Please everyone be safe and well.

It isn't depression either or delusional thinking.  The world has treated me like a stray dog my whole life.  It's facts.  Some of us are forced to be the tough loner outsider.  They have no choice.  People know my situation.  They don't care.  Both sides of my family have a very strong you're on your own mentality.  Don't come to me unless there is no other way basically.  I'll be honest before I was forced to be on my own I wasn't really that strong but I had no choice but to instantly become strong or it would be over.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/28/2020 at 7:01 PM, sober4life said:

I'm in shockingly bad shape but I don't have anything else I have to do between now and May 1st.  I need to try to hide away and try to get myself together enough to go out and get a real job in a few days.

Well I found a job that will start in a couple of days.  12 hour shifts at a factory.  I'm going to check it out.  It's not a good sign that they don't bother to say how much they're paying per hour.  Chances are it's a factory going through a temp agency probably paying minumum wage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Every experience in my life is horrible. Even the things that are supposed to be good are horrible. I wonder how many others have that same feeling. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I agree I would do anything for the people here.  People are wonderful here.  Everyone in real life treats me the same way.  Nobody has ever been happy to see me.  My whole life people have had the same attitude of what are you doing here.  Nobody has ever really liked me in 41 years.  They put up with me when I show up and hope they never see me again.

I have felt this way my whole life.  42 years of people faking enthusiasm when I'm around & really just waiting for me to leave.  Thought I was the only one.  That's why i love it here.  I'm never truly alone.

now as for how do i feel today? beyond shitty.  I can't find work, someone in my family has accused me of something absolutely horrific, and one of the few people I DO care about in this world told me she wants to die....and it's only Wednesday. Thank god for dogs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...