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How do You Feel Right Now? #12

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5 hours ago, watalife said:

@ladysmurf I am also hating everyone. 

Yeah go for a walk and all those wonderful animal sounds you hear are all the animals screaming to each other run for you lives here comes a human!  Even dogs man's best friend if we walk by look at how the dogs act.  

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

i dont know how much longer i can put up with this....it's driving me back into depression and slowly hating everything and everyone

Don't give up.  I see this time as the darkest time but a time where things are going to start drastically changing for the better as well.  I very much see a light a the end of the tunnel at this point.  We're going to get through this.  Our country is winning this fight in my opinion.  May will be better just hang on please my friend!

Edited by sober4life

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Today was my birthday. I remember posting on here at this same time of day exactly a year ago. I feel better today this year than I did last. It seems like every other birthday I feel lonely and melancholy. Today I have thankfully felt relatively at peace.

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Bad, too lazy to find a word that would describe it.

Tried to work yesterday, gave up after an hour and haven't found peace yet. Nothing helps, my mind keeps on haunting me with self-harm related pictures and ideas. Makes me want to smash my head into the wall, it's such mess inside. Today is the same, I'm trying to work, but already losing my patience. Yesterday even driving the car I bought for fun last year did not help while usually it would make me feel calm and somewhat happy. I mean I was calm while driving, but it was all gone after I came back home. I'd head to the place that helped me a few years ago if it wasn't for the disease - I doubt living there is the same as it was. I guess it's not easy to get there anyway now. Maybe the regular mental wards, but that's the last thing that would help me. I feel lost.

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

Don't give up.  I see this time as the darkest time but a time where things are going to start drastically changing for the better as well.  I very much see a light a the end of the tunnel at this point.  We're going to get through this.  Our country is winning this fight in my opinion.  May will be better just hang on please my friend!

I dont know sober.... a while ago i was optimistic and doing better, now i hate everything and i feel im slipping again into my old self who used to isolate and hate everything .....and wouldn't change at all...i can't go back to that person , nor do I want to ..

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15 hours ago, SqueezeWax said:

Today was my birthday. I remember posting on here at this same time of day exactly a year ago. I feel better today this year than I did last. It seems like every other birthday I feel lonely and melancholy. Today I have thankfully felt relatively at peace.

Happy belated birthday! Happy that you are doing better than last year.

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On 4/23/2020 at 9:03 AM, sober4life said:

I see this time as the darkest time but a time where things are going to start drastically changing for the better as well.  I very much see a light a the end of the tunnel at this point.  We're going to get through this.  Our country is winning this fight in my opinion.  May will be better just hang on please my friend!

Yes, Mr. pharmacist, I'd have whatever powerful prescription @sober4life is taking

Fyi Nothing has gotten better since 4-5 years ago, way before this pandemic was even a thing, so apologies if I don't share the delusional optimism.

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I saw a bumper sticker on a car today which read "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." It dawned on me that maybe this explains my lack of despair over the current situation...everything has gotten weird, so as a weirdo, maybe I'm somehow in my element. I dunno.

More likely, I'm just old and tired so I don't really GAF anymore...

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Need to find motivation to go out and be productive today.  It is tough!  Have only been doing the minimum to get by lately.  Have not even been replying to many threads on this site.  Will update later -- if there is anything to update.

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5 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Yes, Mr. pharmacist, I'd have whatever powerful prescription @sober4life is taking

Fyi Nothing has gotten better since 4-5 years ago, way before this pandemic was even a thing, so apologies if I don't share the delusional optimism.

im sorry. i know how you feel ...nothing works for me either, and it never will.. and it's very depressing especially right now when i can't even enjoy the few small things i used to ..i can't go anywhere or out to see anyone because people are afraid..

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I won't give up.  What's going on around us is 100% politics in an election year.  It's psychopaths ruining the world and I won't let them break me end of story!

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

I won't give up.  What's going on around us is 100% politics in an election year.  It's psychopaths ruining the world and I won't let them break me end of story!

Egg Zachary. I'm looking it at in the same way. We are being yanked around by the "powers that be", most of us willingly.

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29 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Egg Zachary. I'm looking it at in the same way. We are being yanked around by the "powers that be", most of us willingly.

Look at who we will have to vote for in the election as well.  Great choices!  How could you not have hope?😒

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Hey,

how’s it going??

am not well.. my mind is becoming a very scary place.. my thoughts have been scary for awhile know. Not sure but I do know going off that damn med was a bad idea!!! 

Hope you all are doing better then me!!!!!!

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Empty. Was very very close to a break up earlier in the week. I'm kinda shellshocked. Ok, short version. Friends with someone on myspace 15 years ago, met up a couple of times, fell out, she found me on facebook a couple of years ago and added me. Made a pass at me a few weeks ago, couple of times since and last week got more graphic and direct.  I brushed it off and tried to make a joke of it the same way I would any compliment. Wife saw it and thought I was having some kind of emotional affair. 

It started a world of shit basically. I mean, I have a hard enough time wondering if things are as I see them or not as it is. To me, brushing it off and trying to make a joke of it was natural. Nope, that was reciprocating. Spent a few days just repeating eachother but at least we're on talking terms now. She initially thought I was cheating, but I don't think she thinks that anymore.

I just feel a bit rocked. Empty was the right word. Also feel like I've dodged a bullet. I had all sorts of scenarios running through my head over what'd have happened if we'd broken up and none of them were good. It's been an ongoing thing for a good while now. I feel like I'm not who I should be. The things and people who've made me who I am.. well they've faded. Course so have I too, so then you start to question who you are and what you think etc.

Relationship issues aside, how the hell does anyone know how to feel right now? I thought I'd been taking the whole weird situation quite well. I dunno, not bad rather than well maybe. 

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16 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Hey,

how’s it going??

am not well.. my mind is becoming a very scary place.. my thoughts have been scary for awhile know. Not sure but I do know going off that damn med was a bad idea!!! 

Hope you all are doing better then me!!!!!!

I am glad you dropped in, but I'm sorry you aren't doing well & have scary thoughts. I was/am worried about you. How are you today?

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@RichW Yikes. How long have you guys been married? And this may seem like prying, but is your wife emotionally supportive under "normal" conditions (or more generally, how was your relationship before this hit)?

I was caught up in a similar situation six years ago...but before that, my ex and I barely talked, beyond her yelling at and belittling me 24/7.

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52 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I am glad you dropped in, but I'm sorry you aren't doing well & have scary thoughts. I was/am worried about you. How are you today?

Thanks am very tired feel like giving up but anyways I think going back to sleep is a good idea it’s kinda like I shouldn’t so I guess I won’t 

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4 hours ago, Devlinkyla said:

Thanks am very tired feel like giving up but anyways I think going back to sleep is a good idea it’s kinda like I shouldn’t so I guess I won’t 

I understand how you feel.  I feel the same way.  I'm so worn down from this month.  I feel like giving up as well.  We all have different stories but we've all made it through an impossible month.  Every single one of us are tremendously strong to be able to make it through this month.  I know I'm tired of having to be strong.  I want to see some real hope in this madness.

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2 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I understand how you feel.  I feel the same way.  I'm so worn down from this month.  I feel like giving up as well.  We all have different stories but we've all made it through an impossible month.  Every single one of us are tremendously strong to be able to make it through this month.  I know I'm tired of having to be strong.  I want to see some real hope in this madness.

Yea I agree

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I...this is the first time I haven’t been glad it’s Monday in a long, long time. I’ll be crying in the corner with my earbuds in if anyone needs me.

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What is up fellows? Ah, past two days haven't been so easy, can't concentrate on things, but well, here I am. Already 40 days isolated, 2 weeks more to come, at least. How's your day going?

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On 4/24/2020 at 5:55 PM, sober4life said:

I won't give up.  What's going on around us is 100% politics in an election year.  It's psychopaths ruining the world and I won't let them break me end of story!

I know but with this illness it makes it so much more harder to keep a positive outlook.

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1 minute ago, ladysmurf said:

I know but with this illness it makes it so much more harder to keep a positive outlook.

Honestly I don't have to have a positive outlook.  I can't give up right now.  I have to continue moving forward even if I hate every moment of it right now.  Anger will drive me forward until this is over even if it lasts 50 years.

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