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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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 I'm sleeping a lot lately, I just left myself. My productive me is sometimes overwhelming, constant thoughts of "you're delayed with that job, with that matter, etc.", other part of me just wants to sleep all day. Kind of a duality, I know. Sometimes it saves to know that this is not normal, the pandemic thing, to have to be isolated. This could show once again that life is equilibrium. Now you have a lot of spare time to be productive on your projects, etc. But something is missing, and that fault somehow doesn't allow you to do the first thing.

 Hope you are okay. Hugs.

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Wow. It's been a while since I posted, I guess. Corona stuff is mostly becoming easier. The masks mentioned upthread are kind of the least of my concerns; I had a friend who had a lung transplant and that was part of her daily wardrobe, and it is for many people in Asia as well. If it keeps us well, that part can remain. Shopping for groceries has gotten very, very weird with hoarding and with lines (now subsiding) and trying to maintain that six feet. I'm ready to see all that go. And the sneezeguards. 

I'm disabled, so this pandemic on a whole has not affected me as greatly as most able-bodies, but I do crumble slightly from time to time. The limited stuff that I can do has been cancelled: movies and sports events. But the news has been interesting, as has social media. 

My mental health did take a blow over the move to a new apartment, though. The cable and phone could not be set up for almost a week because people at the utility kept dropping the ball. 10 operators in all. 

But overall, today has been good. Alone for the day. That's usually good. Emotions are pretty level, though my stomach is a bit crampy.

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10 hours ago, nothing_man said:

I think a bit of change (effort?), at least, has to be made. I'm afraid that... that kind of magic doesn't exist, I mean, to suddenly wipe out all of your problems. IMHO.

That is true but it inspires me to try to at least better myself by the days and have something to aim for.  It not so much to be trouble free but to have a will to keep on living despite of depression and anxiety trying to creep in upon you.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I remember an old song from a singer that growled all of his lyrics in a heavy metal band.  This is hell we're in he growled.  Someone that growled for a living made more sense than the world around me right now.

Remember the old Talking Heads song titled "Stop Making Sense"? Well, that makes perfect sense now.

A small part of me is enjoying the surreal nature of life right now. Of course I have a bed to sleep in and food to eat. If everything slides completely into hell and I lose those things, I won't be enjoying it so much.

Edited by JD4010
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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Remember the old Talking Heads song titled "Stop Making Sense"? Well, that makes perfect sense now.

A small part of me is enjoying the surreal nature of life right now. Of course I have a bed to sleep in and food to eat. If everything slides completely into hell and I lose those things, I won't be enjoying it so much.

The most powerful people in the world are doctors now.  They can tell everyone what to do even the leaders of countries and states.  They were able to rip the world to shreds over something that didn't hit us any harder than the flu if you look at all the evidence.  It's over.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

The most powerful people in the world are doctors now.  They can tell everyone what to do even the leaders of countries and states.  They were able to rip the world to shreds over something that didn't hit us any harder than the flu if you look at all the evidence.  It's over.

...and no, I am not going to allow them to chip me. I'm not somebody's pet. It's my own body (unless the government owns that too).

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23 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

...and no, I am not going to allow them to chip me. I'm not somebody's pet. It's my own body (unless the government owns that too).

They're going to probably make us all take the vaccine to be able to work.  What do you think will be in the vaccine?🤨

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I feel adrift.   I need to run a few specific errands, and I am almost ready to do that.  I also need to take control of my life and get 'back on track' as the saying goes.  However, all I want to do is hide in bed in my apartment.  Sort of watch the world go by without getting involved.  This is so hard!   😢

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On 4/20/2020 at 2:30 PM, sober4life said:

They're going to probably make us all take the vaccine to be able to work.  What do you think will be in the vaccine?🤨

Well...stuff that you don't want in your body. They could inject the nanochip and you wouldn't even know about it. I see it as an electronic tracking device, just like the veterinarian puts in your dog or cat.

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5 hours ago, jkd_sd said:

I feel adrift.   I need to run a few specific errands, and I am almost ready to do that.  I also need to take control of my life and get 'back on track' as the saying goes.  However, all I want to do is hide in bed in my apartment.  Sort of watch the world go by without getting involved.  This is so hard!   😢

I hear ya. I've been feeling the same way. I don't mind being outside, but I don't want to be around people. Nothing to do with the virus...I felt that way before it ever came along.

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I thought I was going to be fired earlier today. Last Thursday, my boss scheduled a meeting for today. The purpose of the meeting was really vague and of course I started to obsess over it. Kept me up at nights thinking about it. But, turns out the boss wanted just to check in and see how my staff is doing, and how all of our projects are going. WHAT A RELIEF! I actually feel happy; not a normal state of being for me at all.

Edited by JD4010
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I remember when I was younger and got concussions.  I more or less feel like that full time now.  There's no doubt I have permanent damage.  I can't remember the last time I remembered a conversation right afterward.  I'm able to focus enough to have a conversation but it's gone almost instantly and I don't remember a bit of it until later when it's in my long term memory.  

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Well, I feel some better.  I ran most of my errands -- will postpone one until tomorrow.  I enjoyed being out (knew I would) and enjoy being back.  It is nice out, so I opened a window and am enjoying the sound of the birds (and even the traffic, etc.).  I still need to work on getting my life back on track, but one thing at a time.   🤷‍♀️

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Well...stuff that you don't want in your body. They could inject the nanochip and you wouldn't even know about it. I see it as an electronic tracking device, just like the veterinarian puts in your dog or cat.

We've always had the chip.  We probably got it the day we were born at the hospital.  If that was the case of course they would always act like they were going to give it to us throughout our lives as misdirection.

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Tired

 

1. of people online being scared of me just because of the country I'm from. 

 

2. because a certain someone I'm stuck with in quarantine is thrilled that the covid-19 pandemic is happening, and was wishing that it would carry on so everyone would be on forced lockdown for longer. Of course, when I said that wasn't the kindest wish - she decided to tell me I was going through a "phase" where I like contradicting everything I'm told. Spoke to me like I was some sort of devious pre-teen. 

When she speaks her mind, she "has an opinion". No matter how absurd and easily disprovable. 

When I speak my mind, I'm being "delusional" or "rebellious". And I "just want to argue for the sake of arguing". 

 

I am so tired of living with her. 

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18 hours ago, sober4life said:

We've always had the chip.  We probably got it the day we were born at the hospital.  If that was the case of course they would always act like they were going to give it to us throughout our lives as misdirection.

Oh man, I hadn't thought of that. Yes, and if not from birth (for an old guy like me), they've had plenty of opportunity to inject it over the years.

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you..."

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10 hours ago, Dioxeon said:

Tired

 

1. of people online being scared of me just because of the country I'm from. 

 

2. because a certain someone I'm stuck with in quarantine is thrilled that the covid-19 pandemic is happening, and was wishing that it would carry on so everyone would be on forced lockdown for longer. Of course, when I said that wasn't the kindest wish - she decided to tell me I was going through a "phase" where I like contradicting everything I'm told. Spoke to me like I was some sort of devious pre-teen. 

When she speaks her mind, she "has an opinion". No matter how absurd and easily disprovable. 

When I speak my mind, I'm being "delusional" or "rebellious". And I "just want to argue for the sake of arguing". 

 

I am so tired of living with her. 

Whoa! I went through decades of this. It sucks. I finally clammed up and turned into the drunk in the basement who didn't interact much.

Sorry you are going through it. All I can say is, if you have the opportunity to get out, do it sooner rather than later. I don't want you to end up like I did.

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I feel you man and it is not a good place to be because it can become toxic.  However, if you

are strong willed like me and can brush it off you might be better with her than without her. Please

weigh your options carefully, the old song says it is cheaper to keeper :cheesy: . 

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