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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Just now, John_in_SF said:

Anxious with a large dose of ashamed. I kind of lashed out at someone last night and got them into trouble. Now I feel like I am the one in trouble. I am disappointed in myself.

Hi John,

Interesting post.  It sounds like you feel guilty for over reacting, and for getting someone in trouble by doing so.  That's just normal stuff, normal life.  The normal--healthy--reaction would be to remember your action and make an effort to do it less in the future, or apologize to the person you feel you've treated unfairly--even if you feel they won't take it right. 

That's the healthy reaction.  The normal reaction, for DF and non DF members, is to turn your awareness off, and turn yourself inside out and upside down before considering changing your response, your behavior.  To me, you noticing that you might have gone overboard is the first step toward any kind of change.  Good job.

Bulgakov

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Today has been a hard slog and this evening difficult. I got my jobs done at the house but I've been digging deep for energy .. Also had an unexpected visit with family at mom's which I could have done without.. I felt really uncomfortable and just wanted to relax in peace. 

I'm not expecting a chilled out morning tomorrow coz I'll be at mom's tonight but who knows..Miracles can happen? 🤔

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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm doing the bare minimum I have to do in life right now.  I'm back to the point of hoping I don't wake up every time I go to sleep.

Bare minimum sounds good to me.. That's really what I would like to be doing right now but it's been hectic..I know the feeling of not wanting to go on very well so I hear you on that.

.. I tell myself that it will be over soon enough when I feel like that. Years do seem to fly by don't they? I've done 43 so I'm guessing I can do the same again. I'd like to see how things pan out and let myself have some more good times before I go 🤔 I'm not content to give up at this point after everything I've been through... I deserve a bit of the good stuff after all of that! Its gonna take work though, I know. 

I really hope that in a year or so we can post here about the great stuff we made happen ❤️

I don't expect a perfect life but I do expect a better one. 

Edited by Nightjar
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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I'm doing the bare minimum I have to do in life right now.  I'm back to the point of hoping I don't wake up every time I go to sleep.

Ughh. I get where you are at; interestingly I’m pretty confident I could day that you are ahead of where you have been. Some warm hugs to try to help you feel however you will feel upon receipt. I’m hoping that knowing that I and others wish for you, for us all to get through this muddle called life. Add to that the holidays, the weather and a pandemic, we are where we are, but try to stay positive, and do what you have to. Hugs🤗

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So cold. Sorry I am complaining about this but my feet are freezing because I suffer from Raynaud’s Syndrome.   Winter is the worst for me.  I am indoors but my body knows it’s cold outside so it is reacting to it.  

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Anxious. I hate my brain. 

Last night was the second time in the last eight months that I had a nightmare where corona could eat through masks like acid. 

...and now all of the hard work I did getting myself untraumatized from the first time has been undone and I'm afraid to wear a mask again.

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What scares me about the virus is this far in nobody really seems to know anything and even if they did I'm not sure they would care about what was best for us.  All they care about is winning the next election.

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I apologize for not writing for weeks/months I have been struggling a lot lately. It's very hard to explain to people who don't get this illness what I am feeling. I am truly fed up with nothing working for my anxiety and OCD. People don't realize how much the anxiety and OCD wears you out, and none of the medications I've ever taken have helped. Now we are getting ready with the doctors to look into TMS. I will post my experience on the website, for others to know too, but we're all different so my outcome might be different than others..

I am just very sad and hopeless, and have thoughts of self-harm because it's my last resort type of solution.

I hope everyone is doing well, ok, day by day, guys. I really hope that something helps, because I can't keep doing this forever, I am getting really tired of living this way.

 

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20 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

As far as I know, everything is ok and going ahead. I know they were there as they left muddy footprints 🤨 

Well I say if they don't buy the house you should go to their house with muddy shoes.

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21 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Feeling sort of strange today . . . just out of it.  Can't explain exactly.

+1. Maybe something you or I ate or drank? That often tends to do it in my case. You never know what's in food and drink nowadays (xantham gum doesn't sound appetizing).

 

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Yeah I always think of that Spongebob episode where Mr Krabs puts garbage in a patty mold and sells them as krabby patties.  That's this world.  They can have truth in advertising by giving things a bunch of different names but it's ridiculous.  I remember so many times when mom would get "sugar free" things because she was a diabetic and her blood sugar would go sky high because technically it was sugar free but the sugar was named something else.😒

Edited by sober4life
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This Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus 19 situation didn't really get to me for so long but now it is started to wear me out.  I was concerned of course from day one but it didn't really weigh me down.  Now its really getting to me even though I've had my shots and boosters. 

I always had a lot of possible catastrophic future scenarios in the back of my mind . . . things like war and such.  But I never in my wildest dreams imagined a worldwide pandemic.  A family close to me all have come down with the SARS-Covid.  They did everything right and still got it.  They've been suffering since December 28.  -- Sigh --

Anyway . . . . . hugs to everyone!

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On 1/5/2022 at 8:07 PM, Epictetus said:

Feeling sort of strange today . . . just out of it.  Can't explain exactly.

Hope you feel better soon. 

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11 hours ago, sober4life said:

What scares me about the virus is this far in nobody really seems to know anything and even if they did I'm not sure they would care about what was best for us.  All they care about is winning the next election.

That’s right Sober!  They only care about winning the Mid-Terms.  

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Inconclusive - that shout sum up the first week of this year :sadwalk: I am tired of it though. I wish I could light up a fire within myself an feed of it. Maybe some other day. As the days go on I educate myself more about anxiety and I assume I have that. Friends pointed it out to me and now I want to deal with it and beat it. It will be a challenge for sure.

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