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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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18 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Happy holidays to all... whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or even winter solstice celebration! 

May 2022 and after be happier (or at least less painful) than 2021 and before.

Thank you!   

I text and called a few relatives for Christmas.  

I hope everyone is doing well.  :hugs:

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Cowardly. I told myself I'd call my aunt and great uncle yesterday, and talked myself out of it when the time came. And I'll probably not call them on New Year's either, because I absolutely hate calling people--its so awkward and uncomfortable for me, no matter if I know they'd appreciate it.

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Lost. I want to talk to Alan for hours and hours and hours.

Just - be wrapped in his arms while telling him all my secrets and pain and everything in between - knowing for sure he won't reveal any of it to anybody for any reasons whatsoever.

...but I can't and it hurts just as much as knowing he's not around anymore. I know there are a lot of people who talk to their lost loved ones as though they were still alive, but it just wouldn't be the same since I want (or maybe even need) to hear his voice. Voice clips and past interviews only help so much.

...sorry, I know how dumb this is.

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CherryApple, please call one of the Suicide Prevention lines, I have used them in the past and they have trained specialist who can assist you in real time to avoid you making a serious decision. They will listen and help you in real time. If you cant find the number for your local organization then 911 will help you get immediate assistance. Which country or state are you in. I’ll find you the number to call. 
PM me if you need. 
help is here but can take time to get to you. I don't want to lose anybody at this time of year, it hurts in so many incidious ways. I want to help you. I’m sure others do to. There can be a light at the end of this tunnel.

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I feel like crap. Had 3 days off from work to spend Christmas with family. Did just that and met my new one week old grandson too. But here's the rub. I took very little enjoyment out of all of it. It's like I just go through the motions. I'm there and try to act like I'm enjoying myself, but I bet it's pretty obvious that I'm not. Then a little argument with my wife and I'm off the deep end. It's like screw it, I don't even want to be here any more. I don't have the nerve to **** myself although I wish for death almost every day. 

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22 hours ago, Extremebeginner said:

Dude, please get out of the car, call 911. We will miss you, your friends or family will too. I’m not suggesting you go jogging to warm up but please get out of car.

Thanks for your support!    I am not in the car.  I tried to start it but the battery was dead …..some kind of electrical drain issue plus the brutal 🥶 
I am inside 😀

Edited by duck
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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

I feel like the Walmart greeter I saw today.  He was waving at everyone with a fake smile and someone asked him how he was doing and he cussed the customer out.🤭

I thought Walmart no longer had greeters.  Maybe it’s only in Canada.  I guess. 

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8 minutes ago, duck said:

I thought Walmart no longer had greeters.  Maybe it’s only in Canada.  I guess. 

There is someone standing there which is basically the one that's there to stop you if the alarm goes off but some stand there and some say hi.  It's right next to the bathroom.  I would probably just hide in there if I was the greeter.

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Relieved and annoyed. You know it doesn't take much to stress me out, and my husband thought someone stole mail from our mailbox, which included meds for him and lotion for me. That turned out not to be the case--the mailman put our mail in someone else's box and ours in theirs, which is still pretty annoying. It's not the first time this has happened. 'At least that's over. 

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On 12/26/2021 at 1:58 PM, DialAForAlan said:

Lost. I want to talk to Alan for hours and hours and hours.

Just - be wrapped in his arms while telling him all my secrets and pain and everything in between - knowing for sure he won't reveal any of it to anybody for any reasons whatsoever.

...but I can't and it hurts just as much as knowing he's not around anymore. I know there are a lot of people who talk to their lost loved ones as though they were still alive, but it just wouldn't be the same since I want (or maybe even need) to hear his voice. Voice clips and past interviews only help so much.

...sorry, I know how dumb this is.

That not dumb I watch YouTube videos that some one in my family posted just to hear her voice and I go to where she is now and talk to her

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18 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I don't want to go to therapy today and I don't know what to say. I don't want to go anymore. I feel very judged. 

What do I say in a text? How do I word it? 

Good day Nightjar!   Therapy can be difficult. I always feel I am judged so I discuss it with my therapist.  🤗

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17 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I don't want to go to therapy today and I don't know what to say. I don't want to go anymore. I feel very judged. 

What do I say in a text? How do I word it? 

I don't want to do therapy anymore.  I feel very judged.  It's time for me to move on.

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I agree therapy can be difficult. It's like having another family member.. I feel like I'm explaining myself and justifying myself for her benefit when really I just don't wanna discuss certain things. 

Anyway, I decided I'm going to go today because I said I would and I want to stick to my word. If I'm gonna cancel I can do it with notice so it'll be fairer and less bad karma. 

If I could have anything from a counsellor I guess it would be unconditional love 😬 To be allowed to just be and talk about whatever I want. That's just not gonna happen with your average therapist. I do believe there are some people who can offer that but they are a rare breed. 

Edited by Nightjar
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