Extremebeginner Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, evalynn said: mostly OK Its the not ok bits that are of concern…… hope good is over bad for you! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Am not okay family is being umm not understanding how I feel and think I should just stop the feelings of wanting to d** but I still do have those thoughts but it don’t matter I don’t matter I just don’t want to live right now so people don’t have to worry or deal with me anymore 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Very cold lately. I think my heater doesn't work and I was convinced by the maintenance crew that it does. Today I napped for about three hours. I also ate a fair amount. I feel some shame at all this. I feel vaguely uneasy right about now. Kind of a lump in my throat, but I'm not precisely sure why. Tomorrow was to be for grocery shopping. Now? Hopefully wheelchair maintenance that is now desperately needed after dropping bolts who knows where downtown coming back from the ballet. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 I am sleeping every two hours. I wake up and do chores but after two hours I get very tired and have to rest. I then fall asleep for two hours. It’s a crazy cycle. I will be home for Christmas because of COVID and extreme cold weather. Hugs for those who need one. Good day Nightjar 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Extremebeginner Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 7 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said: Am not okay family is being umm not understanding how I feel and think I should just stop the feelings of wanting to d** but I still do have those thoughts but it don’t matter I don’t matter I just don’t want to live right now so people don’t have to worry or deal with me anymore Family, holidays etc and understanding that sufferring from a mental health problem is a mix that will lead to negative thinking. We will all still worry about you, even your friends here on DF. All you need to do is worry just about yourself, ignore everything anybody else thinks and do small steps that you, just you will enjoy, or at least be distracted. This time of year is challenging, so make sure you eat and drink a little and give yourself credit for getting through each challenge. I feel you can do this, do you think I can help you. Hugs 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Extremebeginner Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 26 minutes ago, duck said: I am sleeping every two hours. I wake up and do chores but after two hours I get very tired and have to rest. I then fall asleep for two hours. It’s a crazy cycle. I will be home for Christmas because of COVID and extreme cold weather. Hugs for those who need one. Good day Nightjar I’ll take a bro hug, thanks, and send you one back. Im licked down for Christmas again, so will be having a ball. Hope they can keep the electricity on long enough so I can listen to music all day. Good morning all 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 1 hour ago, duck said: I am sleeping every two hours. I wake up and do chores but after two hours I get very tired and have to rest. I then fall asleep for two hours. It’s a crazy cycle. I will be home for Christmas because of COVID and extreme cold weather. Hugs for those who need one. Good day Nightjar Good day duck! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Angry.. I went to bed angry over a late night text from a family member. And I'm angry again today over the same thing.. So angry I'm contemplating cancelling plans for tomorrow with that family member.. I'm tired and stressed. I can't control my anger. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdh Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Nightjar said: Angry.. I went to bed angry over a late night text from a family member. And I'm angry again today over the same thing.. So angry I'm contemplating cancelling plans for tomorrow with that family member.. I'm tired and stressed. I can't control my anger. I hope the sleep will take away your anger. It usually does to me. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdh Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 10 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said: Am not okay family is being umm not understanding how I feel and think I should just stop the feelings of wanting to d** but I still do have those thoughts but it don’t matter I don’t matter I just don’t want to live right now so people don’t have to worry or deal with me anymore I guess we need to worry only about yourself and not worry that others worry about you. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Umm yea today’s the day my grandma passed away and is pretty much the exact minute I found out 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Extremebeginner Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 5 minutes ago, cherryapplez2020 said: Umm yea today’s the day my grandma passed away and is pretty much the exact minute I found out Think only about the good memories you had with her 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherryapplez2020 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 6 minutes ago, Extremebeginner said: Think only about the good memories you had with her Yea I am it’s just hard 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 6 hours ago, pdh said: I hope the sleep will take away your anger. It usually does to me. Thanks pdh. The anger seems to have gone back where it came from now, thankfully. Where it comes from and where it goes is a mystery to me 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anon22ae Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Slept (or passed out) in a wrong position and still have ribcage pain... bruised or broken ribs, perhaps, or who knows what. The doctor is out, like all doctors during this time, and urgent care is too expensive... so I guess it'll be interesting over Christmas. Happy holidays to all (even though it's a day or so early)! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 I cancelled holiday plans for tomorrow. All day I was miserable and it felt like I was waiting to go to court tomorrow. Life is too short for this. I want to be happy! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 9 hours ago, Nightjar said: Angry.. I went to bed angry over a late night text from a family member. And I'm angry again today over the same thing.. So angry I'm contemplating cancelling plans for tomorrow with that family member.. I'm tired and stressed. I can't control my anger. I know how you feel. It's very hard to cancel plans with family but it's also very hard to continue down this road of misery we've been on. We need peace! We need rest! The holidays are supposed to be happy not a nightmare! Sorry I'm angry too. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evalynn Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 A bit anxious, as I'm picking my husband up from the mall (where he works) at 10 pm. I hate driving, and going to a busy mall this close to Christmas is like a nightmare. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 It's so strange. When I feel good getting out and going for a drive to the mall would be a source of peace to me but if you tell me I have to do it tomorrow I probably won't get any sleep thinking about it. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfcaster Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 12 hours ago, Nightjar said: Angry.. I went to bed angry over a late night text from a family member. And I'm angry again today over the same thing.. So angry I'm contemplating cancelling plans for tomorrow with that family member.. I'm tired and stressed. I can't control my anger. sorry nightjar, you can't control what someone else says to you but you can control how you react to it and how angry you let it get you, try not to let their poor communication issue ruin your happiness, let most of it go and don't dwell on it, a week from now nothing said will even matter, easier said i know but still words to try to live by. have the best holiday you can my friend, you deserve it 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evalynn Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 As usual, I worked myself up into near panic mode, and then everything went fine. So now it's back to worrying about going to my sister's tomorrow night and then my dad's the next morning. It's not that I don't want to spend time with them, it's the driving and the insomnia. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nojoy Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 On 12/23/2021 at 12:05 AM, cherryapplez2020 said: Am not okay family is being umm not understanding how I feel and think I should just stop the feelings of wanting to d** but I still do have those thoughts but it don’t matter I don’t matter I just don’t want to live right now so people don’t have to worry or deal with me anymore Life is hard enough living with depression, but family can make it worse. They just don't get it. And when we try to explain it, they still don't understand. They don't get that we cannot turn off the feelings of depression & wanting to end the pain to because it hurts so bad. Families like ours on the forums, understand what we feel because we have also lived the pain you feel. I think that our biological families don't understand because they are afraid of depression. They are afraid to acknowledge our feelings & how that will change their own lives. My brother has yelled at me the times I have been called to go check on him. He wants everyone to mind their own business & stop overreacting. In the past I would've said fine & walked away. Now each time, I reminded him that people care about him. I also said that he should be glad that he has friends & family who care because I don't have anyone who sees that pain I live with and all anyone cares about me is what they can get. You are braver & stronger than you think. take care & know that we understand & care about you. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Good morning everyone! It’s Christmas Eve . I am trying to maintain a positive attitude. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 I feel good today. The second covid shot knocked me down pretty hard for a few days but just like it did with my uncle when you finally feel good you feel really good. I was angry for a few days because I felt like I was trying to do the right thing and still everything was going wrong like usual but I feel good now and I don't regret getting the covid shots. I want to fight with everything in me and get through these hard times. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 My crazy anger subsided but I've been in a hell of a mood today. I attended the family event but I wanted to be there like a hole in the head. I did a fairly long drive today aswell but thankfully I wasn't too anxious.....Hopefully it'll be easier from here though I'm very tired. I hope I don't have to do dishes tomorrow 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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