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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 12/7/2021 at 5:10 AM, duck said:

Congrats you got the job.  😀

Breathing exercises, cold shower, and going to the gym are all good things for us.  

Thank you duck, you are totally right. Sometimes, I don't have the will, energy or time to do the breathing exercise, but I'm doing the cold showers, and I'll start the gym when I get my monthly pay, my back will be thankful.

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Tonight I've been thinking a lot in two friends I lost in the space of 2 years. It's such a hurtful thing for me, because I couldn't be with them on their last moments. The pandemic didn't allow me to travel those 400 km to see one of them; and the other one, she didn't want me to see her, she was trying to keep me away from pain, we would just chat. It's so hurtful for me, I miss them so much and I don't understand why things were so unfair for them, there were two angels of a person, not a little piece of evil, not a single piece of evil in any of them. A thought I have is... that maybe is not that bad you know, it is bad how they suffered, but what's here for some of us? We could catch a breeze of joy once in a while, but mostly... it's fighting against the wind all the time, well that's my experience. Continuous fight.

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Sleep was a bit crazy as usual. Waking up a lot, and stressing for a while. Not as bad as it has been though, so there's that. I don't know how today will pan out. I would love to rest but I don't know how much of that I'll get with mom around. I have to shower and wash my hair aswell 😒 (hate doing it). 

Last night I had to say, ok,  I'm going to my room now, I need to be quiet and relax. It seemed to work. I had no more knocks on the door. But I had to really spell it out. And I had to suck it up throughout the day with the countless bids for attention. 

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@cherryapplez2020  I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother.  I know it is harder at Christmas than any other time of year.  The first years after my father (1997) , my grandmother (2004) & my mother in (2015) were the worst. And it doesn't get easier as time goes by.  Remember the good times you had with & know she loved you.  Think about writing down all the good times you had in a memory book. share with your family if you chose or keep it just for yourself to read when you think of her.  

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4 hours ago, Ellie Rose said:

just want to die

I can understand how you say that. Would you care to elaborate what is making you will this way. You can PM me if you prefer, but we are all here for each other, and if we can help you in some small way then feel free to share. Life is hard, and decisions we make can be tough. Sharing can help you understand your emotions or simply ease a burden by talking.

hoping you feel able to reach out here. Meanwhile respectful hugs 🤗 

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1 hour ago, monicott17 said:

I had a crummy week but doing a bit better since talking with my therapist. I had to get some stuff off my chest and he just listens without judging and that really helps. I wish I had someone in my life that I could talk freely with like that. 

 

100% with you on that. I wish somebody could make decisions for me too on occassions.

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On 12/10/2021 at 6:59 AM, sober4life said:

He retired about 5 years ago I think.  He was one of the dentists like they used to be one that did everything.  He never knocked you out either.  You don't want to go through the really crazy procedures awake like when they try to pull a tooth and it breaks.:ermm:

I think I knew his type as a kid, when he pulled a couple of my teeth. That was an experience dreaded by everyone. I remember not looking forward to the day of the procedure. The instrument was basically metal pliers. It was everything I expected -- it felt like he was trying to rip my head off along with the tooth.

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21 hours ago, nothing_man said:

Tonight I've been thinking a lot in two friends I lost in the space of 2 years. It's such a hurtful thing for me, because I couldn't be with them on their last moments. The pandemic didn't allow me to travel those 400 km to see one of them; and the other one, she didn't want me to see her, she was trying to keep me away from pain, we would just chat. It's so hurtful for me, I miss them so much and I don't understand why things were so unfair for them, there were two angels of a person, not a little piece of evil, not a single piece of evil in any of them. A thought I have is... that maybe is not that bad you know, it is bad how they suffered, but what's here for some of us? We could catch a breeze of joy once in a while, but mostly... it's fighting against the wind all the time, well that's my experience. Continuous fight.

:hugs:Life really suck sometimes!

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I have been indoors all day.  One of my friend called so we talked for a bit.   

I am still healing from dental surgery.  I hope all the pain is gone soon.  Actually, it is more of a discomfort than pain.  

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4 hours ago, anon22ae said:

I think I knew his type as a kid, when he pulled a couple of my teeth. That was an experience dreaded by everyone. I remember not looking forward to the day of the procedure. The instrument was basically metal pliers. It was everything I expected -- it felt like he was trying to rip my head off along with the tooth.

Yes it's exactly like that.  I grew up in a small town though.  You had no choice.  You know there was one of every profession.  If that person wasn't good at their job your only other choice was to not go.

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It actually wasn't that bad of a day most of the day but we got part of that bad storm today.  A tree fell down and knocked out the power for 9 hours.  It was crazy the power lines were laying right across the road in front of my house and people kept running over it.

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16 hours ago, nojoy said:

@cherryapplez2020  I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother.  I know it is harder at Christmas than any other time of year.  The first years after my father (1997) , my grandmother (2004) & my mother in (2015) were the worst. And it doesn't get easier as time goes by.  Remember the good times you had with & know she loved you.  Think about writing down all the good times you had in a memory book. share with your family if you chose or keep it just for yourself to read when you think of her.  

I try to remember the good times she was the best she took me in to live with her when I hade no place to go 😞 it just hurts to know she was in a lot of pain but the morning she passed away my mom was giving her pain meds with out asking if she wanted them witch I think was a good thing but I could be wrong I don’t know I cried about all those things never gets any better 😔

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I really should be crying, yelling & hiding in bed.  There was a leak in the heating oil tank, bigger than could be repaired without high cost of replacement.  I'm just sitting here shaking my head (been doing that since yesterday when my nephew gave me the bad news) and thinking of plan B for heat.  Guess the meds are doing are good job & the coping skills I learned in therapy are working.

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On 12/9/2021 at 11:04 AM, sober4life said:

They're not getting any more of my teeth.🤭It's not just the cost.  I can remember the dentist saying right in front of me these are the worst teeth I've ever seen.  He even called people over and said you won't believe this you have to see this!

i know but if they are in pain, it hurts so much you can't do anything about it

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2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Currently, wound up like a spring. Have lost patience with mom for the day. I'm tired and she won't stop flitting around me, fussing and demanding attention. It's honestly like having a child. 

Just breath and accept it as it is for now. If you dont have the energy, you dont have the energy. Full stop. Breath again.

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I understand how crappy the migraine alone can make you feel. Are you able to sleep, if so that’s my only suggestion. If it continues past a good sleep,, can you speak with a doctor or nurse? Do you have migraines often? Stress used to trigger mine, and they finally went away after years of suffering, when I finally admitted I was burnt out. Hugs for you if you feel like them, but get into bed and sleep 💤 

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