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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 11/16/2021 at 10:15 PM, iWantRope said:

I don't mind a "saying hi" job, their work don't get audited.

Worse? Try being in charge of policies/procedures documentation, then get told by the boss that external auditor is coming next Monday 

The job I left earlier this year was like that. I got thrust in front of the auditors several times/year. The anxiety I felt ate me from the inside out. At some point, I quit feeling at all and no longer cared about what happened. My coworkers recognized that and it's the reason I was "allowed" to retire rather than face termination.

I'm looking for something else now but the pickings are slim. Just to drive a truck, they are requiring all of these medical procedures before you're even hired. Wish I had a time machine to go back to 1977, the last year I felt like "myself."-

Edited by JD4010
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On 11/17/2021 at 8:34 PM, duck said:

I am fed up with life.  Everything I try is a failure because people are too dumb to understand. I feel trapped.    No one is like me. I cannot explain this in words.  

It sounds like you are channeling my thoughts here, Duck. I feel the same way. It's like walking through a zombie apocalypse every time I go somewhere (which isn't all that often anymore). 

I changed the first initial of my name to "F", for "Failure." It can also double as "Flop."

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 Hi everyone. Well, my final exam went well, and I don't know how I did it, but after 3 years, I reached 50% of the whole course, so I'm an "advanced" student now. I left soul, tears, health, mental health in the way, and lived with the minimum for the last 2 years. Time to get a job, and to work on myself, enough maths for now.

 I'm trying to reach out people. I'll go to a kind of (sports?) encounter tomorrow with a group of unknown students. Luckily for me, the only 2 friends (actually it's just one friend and I've seen once the other guy) I have here will come with me, so yeah, I won't be that weird that knows no-one. I've failed many times going to a place where I know noone, many times I just turned back at the gates of the event. Let's see how it goes.

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm running way behind here with forum posts...but count me as someone who detests interacting with other humans. I dread it. I've been holing up in my apartment with my cats as much as possible. My family has given up on expecting me to make any kind of appearance. I'm looking like some shipwrecked hermit too. Why shave if you're not going to be "facing the public?"

I remember family getting me shaving cream for Christmas 4 years ago and I still have some left.  I used to try to clean myself up for the world but that makes the world want to be around me more.  Who wants that?  

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm going to survive until spring but if this is the rest of my life always being in pain I'm not doing it.  This world is already hell.  I'm not going to be in pain all the time on top of everything else.

I understand. We do not know what is in for us in the future. Hope we will have a better time tomorrow.

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7 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Well, yep, at least I managed to get my chores done. I so didn't want to and really could have done with a rest. But the house is looking good.. Bathroom is sparkly. Bedrooms are sparkly. Garden is tidy. Kitchen is clean enough.. If I've got time I'll scrub the kitchen sink and hob before the agent arrives tomorrow. Then hopefully I can hand over the keys and leave the rest to them 👏👏👏

Thats a lot of work. Hurray, 👏 Keep it up. The last two kitchen and hob are done by now I guess.

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6 hours ago, DragonBallZ1995 said:

everytime there is new problerms seriously its been 10 years, one problerm goes another problerm comes, seriously man this is a headache

I think of problems as opportunities to learn and it helps me. 

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I'm running way behind here with forum posts...but count me as someone who detests interacting with other humans. I dread it. I've been holing up in my apartment with my cats as much as possible. My family has given up on expecting me to make any kind of appearance. I'm looking like some shipwrecked hermit too. Why shave if you're not going to be "facing the public?"

mmm me too. We need not shave even when we need to face the public. We don't need appreciation from some one who cannot understand what is inside us. Would love to see ur unshaved face as it is and accept u as u r.

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

That's one of the things that really depresses me about TV & movies. Characters that are supposed to be "regular people" are good looking and apparently have money falling from the sky so they can afford mansions and expensive cars. My life has never looked at all like the ones on screen. Yeah, it's supposed to be about escape but watching that stuff usually just rubs my face in the fact that I'm such an abject failure.

I agree with you 100%. The TV & movies are fantasies. They have very less connection with reality. The reality is within us and the external world is colored by our prejudices !!! We need to recognize and understand what is within us. We cannot change our daughters hand writing by changing the pen.

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

The job I left earlier this year was like that. I got thrust in front of the auditors several times/year. The anxiety I felt ate me from the inside out. At some point, I quit feeling at all and no longer cared about what happened. My coworkers recognized that and it's the reason I was "allowed" to retire rather than face termination.

I'm looking for something else now but the pickings are slim. Just to drive a truck, they are requiring all of these medical procedures before you're even hired. Wish I had a time machine to go back to 1977, the last year I felt like "myself."-

Hope you get a better job. Keep us posted.

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6 hours ago, JD4010 said:

It sounds like you are channeling my thoughts here, Duck. I feel the same way. It's like walking through a zombie apocalypse every time I go somewhere (which isn't all that often anymore). 

I changed the first initial of my name to "F", for "Failure." It can also double as "Flop."

Failure is a perception. You could succeed in failing all the times!! and be happy with that.

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2 hours ago, nothing_man said:

 Hi everyone. Well, my final exam went well, and I don't know how I did it, but after 3 years, I reached 50% of the whole course, so I'm an "advanced" student now. I left soul, tears, health, mental health in the way, and lived with the minimum for the last 2 years. Time to get a job, and to work on myself, enough maths for now.

 I'm trying to reach out people. I'll go to a kind of (sports?) encounter tomorrow with a group of unknown students. Luckily for me, the only 2 friends (actually it's just one friend and I've seen once the other guy) I have here will come with me, so yeah, I won't be that weird that knows no-one. I've failed many times going to a place where I know noone, many times I just turned back at the gates of the event. Let's see how it goes.

Congrats nothing_man. Just go ahead without the baggage of the past.

Edited by pdh
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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I remember family getting me shaving cream for Christmas 4 years ago and I still have some left.  I used to try to clean myself up for the world but that makes the world want to be around me more.  Who wants that?  

4 years and there are leftovers. LoL. There is no use in cleaning our externals for the society which does not respect our inner self.

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I had a busy afternoon.  I went to the carwash and used the heat thing to thaw my car.  I was able to remove most of the ice.   Then Walmart, Co-op food store,  Wendys, McDonald's.  Later I changed my basket type furnace filter.  It took me 45 minutes.    I am currently cleaning the humidifier that is attached to the furnace.  

I have some pain in my neck prolly from tension.   I also have some back pain and hip pain on my left side.   

Hugs for anyone who needs one.  

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9 hours ago, pdh said:

Thats a lot of work. Hurray, 👏 Keep it up. The last two kitchen and hob are done by now I guess.

Yep, sink and hob are done. I also managed to dust the living room in the nick of time. We got photos done ans I've done a little bit more cleaning and tidying. Gonna stop now. Have to make myself.. Need to rest, poor sleep last night. Hugs for everyone ❤️

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2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Yep, sink and hob are done. I also managed to dust the living room in the nick of time. We got photos done ans I've done a little bit more cleaning and tidying. Gonna stop now. Have to make myself.. Need to rest, poor sleep last night. Hugs for everyone ❤️

take care and  have a good sleep

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