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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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On 11/12/2021 at 4:14 AM, pdh said:

Yes, time changes are not easy to handle.  Whats happening to you?

My job is total misery and it appears working from home will be the case for a long time to come. Working from home is not all it is cracked up to be and for me and my current living situation…it is the worst.

Also, I am on the opposite side of what is considered the “majority” view on something and I looked down upon because of it….by some of my own family members. I am going to stand my ground and not back down from my stance and this will likely cause some problems for me

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16 minutes ago, monicott17 said:

Also, I am on the opposite side of what is considered the “majority” view on something and I looked down upon because of it….by some of my own family members. I am going to stand my ground and not back down from my stance and this will likely cause some problems for me

Sounds like my family. Everyone of them are going to question my sanity (or craziness😁) when they learn that I am not doing Christmas this year.  I will buy gifts for my children & grandchildren & will drop them off a few days before.  But there will be no dinner, no gathering at (deceased) mom's house.  It has been 6 years & they still call it Mom's or Granny's house.  No longer having to listen to 'stupid stuff' being spewed & no longer having to roll my eyes & walk outside to keep the peace.  This year will be my year of peace. 

Don't back down.  Don't let anyone change what you believe in.  It will be hard but you have the right to your view.

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feel like some retail therapy.  daughter 2 was supposed to come by to get some of the stuff she left when she moved out 3 years ago.  she was supposedly sick. but would come by with this guy to help her. nope, not gonna happen, she knows I do not like people coming it my home & I really do not like this guy.

I took anxiety pill & now ready to tackle the shopping crowd.

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I don't think anyone wants to do Christmas at their house.  I was thinking maybe do it here because somehow it might be easier because I won't have to travel but once it begins it never ends.  People will want me to do it every year because nobody wants to do it.  If that's the case why are we doing it at all?  I'm convinced much of what we do as people nobody really wants to do it at all but they do anyway.  Life makes no sense at all.

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Hello everyone, I posted some stuff about certain procedures , that are pretty much a last resort, such as Deep Brain Stimulation and Bilateral cingulotomy. If you can go read the posts , it would be nice to see some other people’s opinion..

Personally, I think that since the medication does not have a high success rate, that these should be offered to people, but they are very expensive and a last resort. It amazes me that this surgery was invented in 1947 and it’s almost 2022 and doctors haven’t made any improvement in it, when so many people are suffering, and struggling. Mental Illness is in highest list of people who are in disability. I assume it has to do with money and healthcare, just like everything else in this world.. if they fix your brain then the people involved in working mental illness field would probably lose their money, jobs, etc.

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45 minutes ago, monicott17 said:

Birthdays when you have no friends or significant other to celebrate with and are a miserable, sad person are just another day on the calendar.  Mine was yesterday and it literally was no different than any other day except I took the day off work and went to the store for a bit. Wish I had something fun to do or be able to share it with someone special but that will not happen.

And to add to my already miserable and sad mood…I wake up to snow (that was not at all predicted!) and it is getting worse instead of “warming up and changing to rain”. The weather people in my town are smug and annoying and rarely get anything right. They won’t admit to screwing this up and I am afraid this stupid snow band won’t move and stays over my area and dumps a ridiculous amount of snow in a short. It has happened before. I am not ready for this and I do NOT deal with snow well at all and given how bad my anxiety has been of late, I am not feeling real good at the moment. And even though I dislike my job, at least work is a bit of a distraction, There is no distraction today which is why I think I probably should just go back to bed and hibernate for the today even though Saturday is usually my errands/lunch day.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY,  Monicott17!!!!

I do wish your birthday would have been more special for you.   

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I hope everyone has a great weekend. Yesterday I was pretty down and today it’s the same thing. I am trying to use the light therapy lamp which sometimes helps. I might try to go for a walk, but I’ll see how my mood is. I doubt it.

I remember there used to be a post here on this forum about “setting a date”. I can’t remember who had started it but back then I was more hopeful and I thought something would change, so I would have some normality in my life without struggling non-stop, so the date seemed like an OK idea, but I never imagined I'd be so miserable, I always thought something would change. Now I realized whoever started that post was right. After a while you get very tired struggling and trying to continue in this world. Last night it took me a while to sleep and I was thinking that I agree with whoever wrote that post…  I apologize to others, I don’t mean to bring you guys down or anything, I just lost my strength and hope to continue fighting this illness.

Everyone needs to be proud of themselves for fighting such an illness, and I urge you to continue to fight, because I have for 25 years plus now.

I just reached a point where it’s gotten really meaningless to continue this fight.  Right now I’m just taking it one day at a time, and just enjoying life until I feel like giving up.

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On 11/12/2021 at 4:17 AM, duck said:

It sure is.   I hate the winters here.  Can’t handle it anymore.   I am think of moving to a city with milder winters.  

I feel you on this one.   I don't embrace the winters very well either and its nothing compared to yours.   We may get one or two days of light snow and then it melts the next day.   Cold weather here is maybe between 35 and 42 degrees.   It might be 60 the next day.  Very unpredictable. 

Stay warm. 

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39 minutes ago, nojoy said:

feel like some retail therapy.  daughter 2 was supposed to come by to get some of the stuff she left when she moved out 3 years ago.  she was supposedly sick. but would come by with this guy to help her. nope, not gonna happen, she knows I do not like people coming it my home & I really do not like this guy.

I took anxiety pill & now ready to tackle the shopping crowd.

Good for you for setting boundaries.  Enjoy your day shopping and BE SAFE.   Its a mad house out there, lol.

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1 hour ago, monicott17 said:

My job is total misery and it appears working from home will be the case for a long time to come. Working from home is not all it is cracked up to be and for me and my current living situation…it is the worst.

Also, I am on the opposite side of what is considered the “majority” view on something and I looked down upon because of it….by some of my own family members. I am going to stand my ground and not back down from my stance and this will likely cause some problems for me

Do what you have to do for your own sanity even if it means facing adversity. 

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I try to make a plan for this life but not one day so far that I've been on my own has gone to plan.  I believe if I make it to April I'll survive this story so that's what I'm going to do.  I have no idea how but I'm going to do it.  If someone asked me how I've made it this far I would probably laugh and say who knows.  At this point in the story everyone I know here and everywhere must be tough enough to make it through anything.  We all have different stories but we're tough.  We're surviving a real life horror story.

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11 hours ago, monicott17 said:

Birthdays when you have no friends or significant other to celebrate with and are a miserable, sad person are just another day on the calendar.  Mine was yesterday and it literally was no different than any other day except I took the day off work and went to the store for a bit. Wish I had something fun to do or be able to share it with someone special but that will not happen.

And to add to my already miserable and sad mood…I wake up to snow (that was not at all predicted!) and it is getting worse instead of “warming up and changing to rain”. The weather people in my town are smug and annoying and rarely get anything right. They won’t admit to screwing this up and I am afraid this stupid snow band won’t move and stays over my area and dumps a ridiculous amount of snow in a short. It has happened before. I am not ready for this and I do NOT deal with snow well at all and given how bad my anxiety has been of late, I am not feeling real good at the moment. And even though I dislike my job, at least work is a bit of a distraction, There is no distraction today which is why I think I probably should just go back to bed and hibernate for the today even though Saturday is usually my errands/lunch day.

Belated happy Birthday. We are here for you. 

I understand what you are going through. I felt the same since I remember this. 

It has not stopped to rain here since the past week, its gloomy all the time. I feel so dull and irritable. I wish to be alone and when I am alone I feel sad and when people are around I get irritable. It is a paradoxial state I am in.

Hope you slept well and have a Sunny Sunday.

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10 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Hello everyone, I posted some stuff about certain procedures , that are pretty much a last resort, such as Deep Brain Stimulation and Bilateral cingulotomy. If you can go read the posts , it would be nice to see some other people’s opinion..

Personally, I think that since the medication does not have a high success rate, that these should be offered to people, but they are very expensive and a last resort. It amazes me that this surgery was invented in 1947 and it’s almost 2022 and doctors haven’t made any improvement in it, when so many people are suffering, and struggling. Mental Illness is in highest list of people who are in disability. I assume it has to do with money and healthcare, just like everything else in this world.. if they fix your brain then the people involved in working mental illness field would probably lose their money, jobs, etc.

True medical field has been commercialized, they extend the illness rather than cure it for obvious reasons. We need to look for alternatives including selfhelp.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I try to make a plan for this life but not one day so far that I've been on my own has gone to plan.  I believe if I make it to April I'll survive this story so that's what I'm going to do.  I have no idea how but I'm going to do it.  If someone asked me how I've made it this far I would probably laugh and say who knows.  At this point in the story everyone I know here and everywhere must be tough enough to make it through anything.  We all have different stories but we're tough.  We're surviving a real life horror story.

I guess you can start writing your autobigraphy. You may start keeping a diary.   Looking forward to read the draft of your work.

I am sure there is more to learn from each of us for the future generations to come.

Edited by pdh
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10 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Yesterday I was pretty down and today it’s the same thing. I am trying to use the light therapy lamp which sometimes helps. I might try to go for a walk, but I’ll see how my mood is. I doubt it.

I remember there used to be a post here on this forum about “setting a date”. I can’t remember who had started it but back then I was more hopeful and I thought something would change, so I would have some normality in my life without struggling non-stop, so the date seemed like an OK idea, but I never imagined I'd be so miserable, I always thought something would change. Now I realized whoever started that post was right. After a while you get very tired struggling and trying to continue in this world. Last night it took me a while to sleep and I was thinking that I agree with whoever wrote that post…  I apologize to others, I don’t mean to bring you guys down or anything, I just lost my strength and hope to continue fighting this illness.

Everyone needs to be proud of themselves for fighting such an illness, and I urge you to continue to fight, because I have for 25 years plus now.

I just reached a point where it’s gotten really meaningless to continue this fight.  Right now I’m just taking it one day at a time, and just enjoying life until I feel like giving up.

Praying you get the strength to do what you wish for.

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10 hours ago, sober4life said:

I don't think anyone wants to do Christmas at their house.  I was thinking maybe do it here because somehow it might be easier because I won't have to travel but once it begins it never ends.  People will want me to do it every year because nobody wants to do it.  If that's the case why are we doing it at all?  I'm convinced much of what we do as people nobody really wants to do it at all but they do anyway.  Life makes no sense at all.

Its a profound thought you have discovered. We all do certain things out of peer pressure. We do not know why we are doing certain things/rituals/celebrations etc., It appears we are born in this world with no purpose, and depending on the society (country/locality) we are born at some purpose is thrust on us. A social structure sustains when people in that society follows those rules.

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10 hours ago, nojoy said:

feel like some retail therapy.  daughter 2 was supposed to come by to get some of the stuff she left when she moved out 3 years ago.  she was supposedly sick. but would come by with this guy to help her. nope, not gonna happen, she knows I do not like people coming it my home & I really do not like this guy.

I took anxiety pill & now ready to tackle the shopping crowd.

How did your shopping go? 

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11 hours ago, nojoy said:

Sounds like my family. Everyone of them are going to question my sanity (or craziness😁) when they learn that I am not doing Christmas this year.  I will buy gifts for my children & grandchildren & will drop them off a few days before.  But there will be no dinner, no gathering at (deceased) mom's house.  It has been 6 years & they still call it Mom's or Granny's house.  No longer having to listen to 'stupid stuff' being spewed & no longer having to roll my eyes & walk outside to keep the peace.  This year will be my year of peace. 

Don't back down.  Don't let anyone change what you believe in.  It will be hard but you have the right to your view.

Lets us observe the celebrations by detaching ourselves from that. Let us also wish them well and that they discover the silliness of the artificial world we have built around us.

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11 hours ago, monicott17 said:

My job is total misery and it appears working from home will be the case for a long time to come. Working from home is not all it is cracked up to be and for me and my current living situation…it is the worst.

Also, I am on the opposite side of what is considered the “majority” view on something and I looked down upon because of it….by some of my own family members. I am going to stand my ground and not back down from my stance and this will likely cause some problems for me

WFH is not going to go in a short time. Its a new reality. Let us wake up to that. 

We are all minority here. Let us wish the majority well while we stand by our stance.

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15 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Hi Linda, thank you and yes, I've definitely had the sore arm!! Ouch!!! Lol..I did have a little nausea but mostly tiredness yesterday... We'll see how today goes🤞

I waited a long time to get mine. I could have had it 8 months ago, but I couldn't make it to the vaccination site due to anxiety... They started providing vaccination centres closer to home so I managed to get there this week :emoticon-0141-whew:

How are you today Nightjar?

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Hi guys. Today was tough. I started out optimistic but it was another family day out full of drama.... We ended up stranded in the city on a very busy day (match day) because sis abandoned us.... Me on my second nervous breakdown and mom, weak from physical illness..... For comparison, mom fared better than I did. Another example of how mental illness is so much worse than physical. 

Anyway, I survived I guess. But I've had an anxiety filled day. I just want to go back to the country where everything is simple and easy. No stress. No crowds, no transport/parking issues. No noise. No skyscrapers with lifts and escalators... We'll see. 

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