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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

Family is coming over this morning so I'll have to try to pretend I don't have a cold and say yes I know I've been meaning to get a thermometer.  I'll get one the next time I go to the store even though I have 3 thermometers.

Hope you have an enjoyable and quality time with family. 

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I worked out, showered, and went to my doctor's appointment this morning.   

Yesterday I got my 3rd vaccine shot which was the booster.  I'm feeling tired and I think it's because of the shot.  My workout was short so its got to be because of that.  I was going to get my 2022 tag early but I'll just wait.   Too tired to stand in a line. 

Other than the tiredness from the shot, I'm feeling pretty good. 

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Okay so I tried to approach the guy, but he seemed a bit angry, mad? so my guess is that I will stay away. Whatever happened, happened. I just wanted him to know that he was a nice guy and I ignored him because of my illness, nothing to do with him. I get the idea that he thinks I'm better off than him or something, because I ignored him. There's no way to approach him easily because he is with his girlfriend/fiance (not sure what they are) and I don't want to start trouble between them, I just wanted to make it clear to him that I didn't ignore him because I didn't like it.

I hate what this illness does to people, and it has destroyed and robbed me of my life. I don't know if I will feel better ever, or find some type of relief, so I can live a somewhat normal life. It's really annoying when you can't enjoy life and the small things that people take for granted on a daily basis.

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8 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I just had some a$$hole sitting outside my house and knocking three times.... Probably a parcel for next door. Jesus. It's not my parcel. Eff off!! 

It's strange I got someone else's parcel today too.  I had no idea who the person was so I walked and found the place and of course it was the house nobody goes to.  It was an excuse to go for a walk though I guess.

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3 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

Okay so I tried to approach the guy, but he seemed a bit angry, mad? so my guess is that I will stay away. Whatever happened, happened. I just wanted him to know that he was a nice guy and I ignored him because of my illness, nothing to do with him. I get the idea that he thinks I'm better off than him or something, because I ignored him. There's no way to approach him easily because he is with his girlfriend/fiance (not sure what they are) and I don't want to start trouble between them, I just wanted to make it clear to him that I didn't ignore him because I didn't like it.

I hate what this illness does to people, and it has destroyed and robbed me of my life. I don't know if I will feel better ever, or find some type of relief, so I can live a somewhat normal life. It's really annoying when you can't enjoy life and the small things that people take for granted on a daily basis.

This 100%, I don't feel I need to write anything now as the last bit sums up my feelings as well.

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8 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Had my second counselling session today. It was better than the first. It flowed better and I felt more relaxed. It was good to be heard. She's trying to slow me down and get me to digest things and think things through.... Good move by her I think 🤔

Sounds like you have a good therapist and I'm glad its working out for you.  It's so important that both client and therapist have good rapport, and from the sound of it you do.  I learned so much about myself and others affiliated with me as we explored my past, present, and the possibilities of my future.  Most importantly I developed a wide range of coping skills to deal with me and those in my world.  Knowledge is power.

Again, I'm so happy for you.

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14 minutes ago, lindahurt said:

Sounds like you have a good therapist and I'm glad its working out for you.  It's so important that both client and therapist have good rapport, and from the sound of it you do.  I learned so much about myself and others affiliated with me as we explored my past, present, and the possibilities of my future.  Most importantly I developed a wide range of coping skills to deal with me and those in my world.  Knowledge is power.

Again, I'm so happy for you.

Thanks Linda.. I was really impressed with everything that she remembered from last week. ..I hope I can continue with it for a good while longer. I find her to be a grounding influence. I definitely need that.

It's good to be myself and not feel the need to censor. I am always censoring. It's bloody hard work. .. On the way in, I was thinking how nice it would be to be authentic 100% of the time.... Currently, I don't feel I have that luxury. 

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I'm feeling a little full after eating a whopper, fries, and cholate pie from Wendy's.  I don't eat like this very often.

I was just thinking how important it is to guard your mind.  If not you'll find yourself embracing the negativity of others.  People are always trying to push you buttons which is really a refection of the insecurities.  They try to hurt you with their words.  I keep them out of my head most of the time.

Edited by lindahurt
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3 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Thanks Linda.. I was really impressed with everything that she remembered from last week. ..I hope I can continue with it for a good while longer. I find her to be a grounding influence. I definitely need that.

It's good to be myself and not feel the need to censor. I am always censoring. It's bloody hard work. .. On the way in, I was thinking how nice it would be to be authentic 100% of the time.... Currently, I don't feel I have that luxury. 

Quote:  "On the way in, I was thinking how nice it would be to be authentic 100% of the time.... Currently, I don't feel I have that luxury"

I believe you will eventually, Nightjar.  It was in therapy that I learned to love and accept myself.  One of my mottos:  Its ok to be me.  It changed my outlook on life.

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Morning everyone. I had a really rough night last night. I'm so lost at the moment. Anxiety is bad. I have no anchors except for toxic family 😬 

I'm feeling like I have to move even though I don't want to. I feel too ill with anxiety to do it but if I don't, I'll be stuck in this situation where my sleep is being disturbed at my place and I'm forced to stay with toxic family members.

I was at mom's for two months. Last night was the second night I was back at my place. Man, it was rough. I'm just so lonely and anxious without my cat and stressed about having to move... On a positive note, if I get started with moving again, at least things will be moving in a more positive direction(?) 

What do I do guys? We all know how stressful moving is, but staying here feels just as stressful(!?) 

Edited by Nightjar
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My opinion is I want you to be able to move to a calm peaceful place.  Always feeling like you're in a nightmare can't be the answer.  I know how you feel how alone you feel going through times like these and you feel that family are only making things worse.  It's awful!  

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11 minutes ago, sober4life said:

My opinion is I want you to be able to move to a calm peaceful place.  Always feeling like you're in a nightmare can't be the answer.  I know how you feel how alone you feel going through times like these and you feel that family are only making things worse.  It's awful!  

Thankyou sweetheart. I appreciate you and your gentle encouragement every day.

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17 hours ago, hocico said:

This 100%, I don't feel I need to write anything now as the last bit sums up my feelings as well.

I'm with you, but at least I tried to get it off my chest, and approach the person. at least i tried , now i have no regrets.

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Morning everyone. I had a really rough night last night. I'm so lost at the moment. Anxiety is bad. I have no anchors except for toxic family 😬 

I'm feeling like I have to move even though I don't want to. I feel too ill with anxiety to do it but if I don't, I'll be stuck in this situation where my sleep is being disturbed at my place and I'm forced to stay with toxic family members.

I was at mom's for two months. Last night was the second night I was back at my place. Man, it was rough. I'm just so lonely and anxious without my cat and stressed about having to move... On a positive note, if I get started with moving again, at least things will be moving in a more positive direction(?) 

What do I do guys? We all know how stressful moving is, but staying here feels just as stressful(!?) 

Nightjar,

My thoughts and well-wishes are for you to be in best environment that's conductive to your emotional and mental health.  It appears that moving seems to be best option for you at this point.  Though stressful I want you to be encouraged knowing that every step you take will lead to a better situation.

I hope your stress level will subside as you make progress with moving.  My thoughts are with you. 👬

Lindahurt

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47 minutes ago, lindahurt said:

Nightjar,

My thoughts and well-wishes are for you to be in best environment that's conductive to your emotional and mental health.  It appears that moving seems to be best option for you at this point.  Though stressful I want you to be encouraged knowing that every step you take will lead to a better situation.

I hope your stress level will subside as you make progress with moving.  My thoughts are with you. 👬

Lindahurt

Thank so much Linda. It feels like the universe is not giving me much choice in this matter. I could wait a bit longer for my symptoms to maybe improve I suppose. Which might be sensible. But there's another part of me that just wants to get on with it and take steps to improve my life. I know that my stress levels will go up (and this is scary) but I will have a sense of purpose if I start things moving which is helpful in times of crisis. 

I will never forget you guys and the support you have given me here. If I get through this with any sense of sanity I will do my best to give back as much as I can 💜

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On 10/31/2021 at 12:50 PM, sober4life said:

This is a very hard time for us.  November 1st terrifies me.  I'll be honest. So much adjusting has to take place in that month if I want to be the same person in November.  The seasons affect us big time and then after the holidays in January will be a killer too after the holiday crash.  Just understand things might be rocky for a little bit as the seasons and the weather changes but I think you're doing great right now.  We'll get through this time and this year and we'll make it to spring.  We are going survive this nightmare.

November 1 is when one of the local radio stations went to 24-7 Christmas music. I can easily avoid it but just the idea of it and the fact it makes most people happy to hear that while it is the opposite for me. I dislike Christmas music, decor…all of it. It makes me even more sad, anxious and depressed than I already am. 

The time change and getting dark at 5:00PM plus the absolute misery that is winter in my locale…no wonder why I have been so miserable of late.

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