Jump to content

How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

Recommended Posts

17 hours ago, Svenetc said:

But we do ladysmurf .... and we are not doctors .... but we kinda know how you feel. maybe we do. I hope you cling on to hope and find relief 

thank you. i hope you guys are better than me, all i die is lie in bed cry, and sometimes sleep,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Just going in 😬 I don't know if I wanna talk about my problems 🙄 wish me luck 🍀🍀🍀

I know how hard it is.  You desperately want to talk to someone about the things you're going through but you're afraid of people.  I would say to someone else if you're not going to talk about your problems why go?  Like that song says I need an easy friend.  I mostly just hide here and cry though because I'm the monster of the story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I know how hard it is.  You desperately want to talk to someone about the things you're going through but you're afraid of people.  I would say to someone else if you're not going to talk about your problems why go?  Like that song says I need an easy friend.  I mostly just hide here and cry though because I'm the monster of the story.

You're not the monster in my story 🙂 I didn't want to go in but once I was there I did my best.....I felt weird afterwards but now that I've chilled out a bit, I've started to process it and think about things from a new perspective.... Soooo, so far, so good. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

thank you. i hope you guys are better than me, all i die is lie in bed cry, and sometimes sleep,

Hope things are better for you today.

My cats get me out of bed so that I will feed them. Otherwise I might not get up at all.

Some days feeding them seems like an enormous task in of itself.

I filled out a form yesterday and that felt like a huge accomplishment.

I have no motivation to do much of anything.

Edited by JD4010
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/24/2021 at 2:47 PM, ladysmurf said:

i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like.....

I feel your pain ladysmurf, you're not alone in this struggle. While I would never ever encourage someone to take their own life... I fully understand feeling like its the only option left and that the pain is too much to bare. I feel this so much too. So for however words can help. If we were friends in the same country I would endorse depression and anxiety sleep overs where we just hang out together and be depressed so we know were not alone. We dont even have to talk or shower or eat. Just let ourselves be as depressed and as anxious as we want to with no expectations, judgement or fear from anyone.

If I could handle having friends staying with me in my personal private space such as my room, I would find this so comforting. Having someone support me no matter how I was feeling, and not trying to make me feel better or anything, just allowing me to feel as bad as I want to and being there for that would be enough.

Sending you support, hugs, and good comforting coffee (if you drink it). I hope you get some respite soon ❤️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/24/2021 at 12:42 AM, sober4life said:

My mind doesn't want to chase the alcohol and drug dragon anymore.  That's the only real reason I'm sober.  My mind doesn't want to do it anymore.  I would love to say I have more coping skills now but really I don't have any idea how I'm going to make it through any day.  Every morning makes me want to scream.

Going to sleep each night and waking up each day sober is such a challenge, quitting something that distracts and takes the pain away for moments is so difficult I cant imagine how I would cope. You have achieved and continue to achieve a great thing. Its so goddamn hard to not do something when your mind is focused on only doing that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 minutes ago, Charlee said:

Going to sleep each night and waking up each day sober is such a challenge, quitting something that distracts and takes the pain away for moments is so difficult I cant imagine how I would cope. You have achieved and continue to achieve a great thing. Its so goddamn hard to not do something when your mind is focused on only doing that.

It's complicated for me.  Did it at one point distract and take away the pain for me?  Yes a long time ago.  When I quit it made things much worse all the time.  It's like it was for @Bbqdad.  It made both the depressive episodes and manic episodes much worse but also I was falling down the stairs every day,  waking up in the front yard or who knows where and you couldn't even really have a conversation with me.  It was rare that I could even speak a word you could understand.  I would be so drunk I couldn't figure out how to get out of my bedroom if it was dark for hours.  I was a complete mess.

Edited by sober4life
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/24/2021 at 9:55 AM, Nightjar said:

@Charlee :hugs:hugs sweetie..

I gotta be honest, I'm not convinced I would want to drag painful past issues up when I was feeling suicidal...

If it feels like it's making you feel worse, maybe find a different sort of treatment or counsellor(?) 

I couldn't talk about my biggest trauma for 20 years after the fact. It wasn't helpful to me. I just got retraumatised. I'm sure that's a thing..... You need to feel SAFE to go there surely(?) 

Feel free to ignore me Charlee of course. It's just my take on things. We want the best for you here. 

I would have thought that you needed more of a safe space to be at the moment and some support with managing the day to day (?) 

Whatever you feel you need is what's important. And I think you've stressed here that you need to feel good.. So whatever that entails for you....

.. Maybe, some support, gentle encouragement, gentle conversation(??)

.. Maybe a friend is better than a counsellor right now, someone to just hang with, talk about inane things to make you laugh and forget about the trauma(?)

... Just some thoughts. 

 

Make sure you do what's best for you ❤️

Thanks nightjar ☺️ Idk what would be best because I feel like my past dictates my behavior now and I can't improve my now until ive learnt how to deal with whats happened before. I feel like everything is bubbling up at the surface, I want to get it all out for someone else to deal with because I just can't anymore. Stuffing it down and holding it in is such a prison that I can't get out of. I need someone to help me talk about it and work through it and validate my feeling towards it because I look back on things now and I feel like ive over exaggerated it in my mind and it wasnt as big or as significant as I think.... even though the teenager I was before died when things started happening. I just wanna understand who I am again. I want this therapist to help me. I just wanna be cured! (as if).

I wish I had a friend who I could do that with.. but I really am a loner. Ive isolated my self for so long for protection and safety that I dont know how to open up anymore, and I feel so uncomfortable around others, even when I know they're safe. The uncomfortableness it to much to bare so I chat for like 5 mins and then find any excuse to leave and hide away again.

Its hard, but it has to work, I have to get everything out, it has to work 😩🤞

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, watalife said:

Ok after receiving my 100$ bonus at work. Now I can afford one restaurant meal, pay one bill and gas etc. Living the dream 😸

Awesome.  I am happy you can afford one meal.  I hope things improve for you. Hugs 🤗 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Worthless, as usual. I can't achieve anything useful. My energy has flat-lined, as has my motivation.

Sorry to hear.   Sucks man.  We need new younger bodies !  😀

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, Charlee said:

Are their really no people out there that live without depression and anxiety?! that actually have a depression and anxiety free head? how? I cant imagine ever not feeling this way.

Yes there are people who don’t have depression and anxiety.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, sober4life said:

it made things much worse

Yes, alcohol is like pouring gasoline on a fire when I am manic or depressed it is so bad. I don’t do it for 3 years now. Before I lost my job and was living in my truck because I was drinking all the time and blacking out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Got my first counselling appointment today. It's pot luck if we click or not I guess but I'll give it a good go 🤞

I hope it goes well for you Nightjar. I also remember someone named Mark, I think it was a cat named markinthdark but I don't really remember anymore. He was very interesting but his last few posts were sad and I never heard from him again.

Sometimes it always seems like it is the interesting vibrant people who have the most problems. All the people here are so interesting like I wish I could make a movie with the same things so no one forgets.

I am sorry to hear that so many people here struggle and live in hell everyday. I managed to claw my way out of the depths of hell but I feel like a traitor if I am powerless to help others

 

Edited by Evergreenforst4
capitalize Nightjar :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, Charlee said:

Having someone support me no matter how I was feeling, and not trying to make me feel better or anything, just allowing me to feel as bad as I want to and being there for that would be enough.

Yes! This would be lovely. Complete acceptance. You stink? Fine, I'll light some incense. You can't speak? No worries, me neither. You can't move? Cool, maybe we can watch a boxset. 

Sign me up for the depression party 😁🎉

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm bored too.  I'm going for a walk.  I'll rest when I'm dead I guess.  I was going to give up but not anymore.  I'll make it through this pandemic no matter what happens now.  The anger will drive me to the finish line!

Ha! You have the same grim determination that I do lol 😂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...