Nightjar Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 Ugh. Update. Just had the news that developments with mom's illness mean I may be woken up several times a night as her house aswell.. Safe haven for sleep notsomuch. And I actually have a phobia about being woken up now Worst of all I won't be understood or considered in this so I feel helpless and alone. As usual. Oh god, let me survive this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 4 hours ago, Nightjar said: I'm not convinced that any of us knows how to deal. We're all just bumbling about, stumbling around in the dark.. But we have each other and that's something good Oh no 3 bears? I know tenderheart and funshine are after me but who's the third bear? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 3 minutes ago, sober4life said: Oh no 3 bears? I know tenderheart and funshine are after me but who's the third bear? I think it's grumpy bear, my little bestie 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 I don't know honestly I dont know how much longer i will be able to do it anymore.........my family and friend have never seen me this depressed in my life. It does not surprise me because after decades of no relief, the body, and mind get fed up. I have to deal with anxiety, depression, ocd, nightmares, i mean how much more can a person take? and all this without any relief.....they all worry i am going to try and harm myself again.....i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bbqdad Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 19 hours ago, sober4life said: We're just doing what we have to do to get through this time. When I was still drinking and doing drugs I would start when I first got up. I would remember the morning sometimes but the overall majority of my life was a blackout. I don't know that I know how to deal with things either. I've just been chasing whatever dragon my mind wants to chase at the time. My mind doesn't want to chase the alcohol and drug dragon anymore. That's the only real reason I'm sober. My mind doesn't want to do it anymore. I would love to say I have more coping skills now but really I don't have any idea how I'm going to make it through any day. Every morning makes me want to scream. I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore. Been sober 3 years years. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulgakov Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 (edited) Just now, sober4life said: Oh no 3 bears? I know tenderheart and funshine are after me but who's the third bear? Creasy Bear, Honey Boo Boo? Edited October 24, 2021 by Bulgakov 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Bbqdad said: I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore. Been sober 3 years years. I don't drink anymore because my mind can't handle even one more time. If I drank today I would be next to mom in the cemetery by Halloween. If I ever choose to drink again I'm saying this is it. I'm done. There is no other way for things to go. I fully believe I have one more time drinking in me and that's it. Edited October 24, 2021 by sober4life 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindahurt Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 9 hours ago, ladysmurf said: I don't know honestly I dont know how much longer i will be able to do it anymore.........my family and friend have never seen me this depressed in my life. It does not surprise me because after decades of no relief, the body, and mind get fed up. I have to deal with anxiety, depression, ocd, nightmares, i mean how much more can a person take? and all this without any relief.....they all worry i am going to try and harm myself again.....i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like..... I can identify with your pain. Just keep holding on, ladysmurf. Easily said than done. Still hang in there. Try to think about some of the things you've done on those good days. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindahurt Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 1 minute ago, sober4life said: I don't drink anymore because my mind can't handle even one more time. If I drank today I would be next to mom in the cemetery by Halloween. If I ever choose to drink again I'm saying this is it. I'm done. There is no other way for things to go. I fully believe I have one more drink in me and that's it. I'm so happy to hear how you've taken responsibility for your life. You are to be commended for your effects. I know its not easy to do. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jxdama Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 I feel a little better today than the last few days 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jxdama Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 1 hour ago, sober4life said: I don't drink anymore because my mind can't handle even one more time. If I drank today I would be next to mom in the cemetery by Halloween. If I ever choose to drink again I'm saying this is it. I'm done. There is no other way for things to go. I fully believe I have one more time drinking in me and that's it. Its a great accomplishment to stop drinking 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWantRope Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 13 hours ago, ladysmurf said: I don't know honestly I dont know how much longer i will be able to do it anymore.........my family and friend have never seen me this depressed in my life. It does not surprise me because after decades of no relief, the body, and mind get fed up. I have to deal with anxiety, depression, ocd, nightmares, i mean how much more can a person take? and all this without any relief.....they all worry i am going to try and harm myself again.....i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like..... Anyone in the same country/region as @ladysmurf, able to recommend her to a qualified professional so she can get assistance with what she's going through now? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juno_writes Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 Grateful for being fortified by sleep, food, a shower, and love from human and feline friends last night. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysmurf Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 10 hours ago, iWantRope said: Anyone in the same country/region as @ladysmurf, able to recommend her to a qualified professional so she can get assistance with what she's going through now? the doctors aren't the problem ...it's just that no one has been able to help me find some relief....they don't know why i belong in the category of people who don't respond to treatments, and they just tell you to keep hoping, hanging on, etc.. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 17 hours ago, jxdama said: Its a great accomplishment to stop drinking I agree. I admire sober4life so much 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nojoy Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 On 10/22/2021 at 6:31 PM, Charlee said: I really am proud of myself for being able to complete my masters thesis and be awarded my masters with first class honours. I dont know how I did that. Its been such a hard year, I've been so incredibly depressed and anxious and suicidal, yet I was still able to complete a first class honours thesis! how?! I dont know, but its now officially published online and I still can't believe that Im the author. I can't believe how hard I worked for it despite everything. I may be depressed, anxious and suicidal, but my brain still managed to do something amazing for myself. I've never been so proud of myself Way to go! Congratulations! YOU did it! Charlee, you overcame the obstacles in your path and completed your thesis & with first class honors. You should be proud of your accomplishment. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD4010 Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, Bbqdad said: I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore. Been sober 3 years years. I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop. Edited October 25, 2021 by JD4010 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bbqdad Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 8 minutes ago, JD4010 said: I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop. Congratulations! Another reason I stopped was because alcohol was like nitrous to mania and a lead weight to depression.it just made me sad or mad hatter. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindahurt Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 38 minutes ago, JD4010 said: I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop. @JD4010 It nice to have those kind of friends, JD4010 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sober4life Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 3 hours ago, JD4010 said: I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop. I never would have made it if it wasn't for you being there for me when mom was in the hospital. There have many what I would call angels here that helped me along the way. Without them I would have never made it to this point. My whole life certain people seemed to come along that helped me right when I needed it and you are one of those people. I miss @MarkintheDark as well. He saved my life. He helped me through things I never would have gotten through on my own. I would give anything to see him here again. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Svenetc Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 8 hours ago, ladysmurf said: and they just tell you to keep hoping, hanging on, etc. But we do ladysmurf .... and we are not doctors .... but we kinda know how you feel. maybe we do. I hope you cling on to hope and find relief 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Slept all day Monday. No energy to get up plus it was raining. I need to be around positive people. Most of my family are toxic people and that’s bringing me down. I need to run away from them. They are annoying and like leaches. Always needing something. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duck Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 My sisters are always asking me stupid questions as well. Same issues I had in my last job. Krazy Karen’s everywhere!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 9 hours ago, sober4life said: I never would have made it if it wasn't for you being there for me when mom was in the hospital. There have many what I would call angels here that helped me along the way. Without them I would have never made it to this point. My whole life certain people seemed to come along that helped me right when I needed it and you are one of those people. I miss @MarkintheDark as well. He saved my life. He helped me through things I never would have gotten through on my own. I would give anything to see him here again. I wish mark would come back too. I always hope that he is still living his life somewhere and just not checking in anymore. I cried when he left us and I still think of him 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightjar Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Got my first counselling appointment today. It's pot luck if we click or not I guess but I'll give it a good go 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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