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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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Ugh. Update. Just had the news that developments with mom's illness mean I may be woken up several times a night as her house aswell.. Safe haven for sleep notsomuch. And I actually have a phobia about being woken up now 😬

Worst of all I won't be understood or considered in this so I feel helpless and alone. As usual.

Oh god, let me survive this. 

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4 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I'm not convinced that any of us knows how to deal. We're all just bumbling about, stumbling around in the dark.. But we have each other and that's something good 🐻🐻🐻

Oh no 3 bears?  I know tenderheart and funshine are after me but who's the third bear?:unsure:

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I don't know honestly I dont know how much longer i will be able to do it anymore.........my family and friend have never seen me this depressed in my life. It does not surprise me because after decades of no relief, the body, and mind get fed up. I have to deal with anxiety, depression, ocd, nightmares, i mean how much more can a person take? and all this without any relief.....they all worry i am going to try and harm myself again.....i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like.....

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19 hours ago, sober4life said:

We're just doing what we have to do to get through this time.  When I was still drinking and doing drugs I would start when I first got up.  I would remember the morning sometimes but the overall majority of my life was a blackout.  I don't know that I know how to deal with things either.  I've just been chasing whatever dragon my mind wants to chase at the time.  My mind doesn't want to chase the alcohol and drug dragon anymore.  That's the only real reason I'm sober.  My mind doesn't want to do it anymore.  I would love to say I have more coping skills now but really I don't have any idea how I'm going to make it through any day.  Every morning makes me want to scream.

I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore.  Been sober 3 years years. 

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3 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore.  Been sober 3 years years. 

I don't drink anymore because my mind can't handle even one more time.  If I drank today I would be next to mom in the cemetery by Halloween.  If I ever choose to drink again I'm saying this is it.  I'm done.  There is no other way for things to go.  I fully believe I have one more time drinking in me and that's it.

Edited by sober4life
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9 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I don't know honestly I dont know how much longer i will be able to do it anymore.........my family and friend have never seen me this depressed in my life. It does not surprise me because after decades of no relief, the body, and mind get fed up. I have to deal with anxiety, depression, ocd, nightmares, i mean how much more can a person take? and all this without any relief.....they all worry i am going to try and harm myself again.....i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like.....

I can identify with your pain.  Just keep holding on, ladysmurf.  Easily said than done.  Still hang in there.

Try to think about some of the things you've done on those good days.

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1 minute ago, sober4life said:

I don't drink anymore because my mind can't handle even one more time.  If I drank today I would be next to mom in the cemetery by Halloween.  If I ever choose to drink again I'm saying this is it.  I'm done.  There is no other way for things to go.  I fully believe I have one more drink in me and that's it.

I'm so happy to hear how you've taken responsibility for your life.  You are to be commended for your effects.  I know its not easy to do.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I don't drink anymore because my mind can't handle even one more time.  If I drank today I would be next to mom in the cemetery by Halloween.  If I ever choose to drink again I'm saying this is it.  I'm done.  There is no other way for things to go.  I fully believe I have one more time drinking in me and that's it.

Its a great accomplishment to stop drinking

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13 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I don't know honestly I dont know how much longer i will be able to do it anymore.........my family and friend have never seen me this depressed in my life. It does not surprise me because after decades of no relief, the body, and mind get fed up. I have to deal with anxiety, depression, ocd, nightmares, i mean how much more can a person take? and all this without any relief.....they all worry i am going to try and harm myself again.....i'm so depressed i can't even leave the house, i barely go for walks and i used to go all the time.......i dont even feel like eating anything and that's not helping either because im already skinny...i dont know ...i told my friend maybe im just reaching my limits.........its been so long that i forgot what living without all anxiety, ocd, and deprssion feels like.....

Anyone in the same country/region as @ladysmurf, able to recommend her to a qualified professional so she can get assistance with what she's going through now?

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10 hours ago, iWantRope said:

Anyone in the same country/region as @ladysmurf, able to recommend her to a qualified professional so she can get assistance with what she's going through now?

the doctors aren't the problem ...it's just that no one has been able to help me find some relief....they don't know why i belong in the category of people who don't respond to treatments, and they just tell you to keep hoping, hanging on, etc..

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On 10/22/2021 at 6:31 PM, Charlee said:

I really am proud of myself for being able to complete my masters thesis and be awarded my masters with first class honours. I dont know how I did that. Its been such a hard year, I've been so incredibly depressed and anxious and suicidal, yet I was still able to complete a first class honours thesis! how?! I dont know, but its now officially published online and I still can't believe that Im the author. I can't believe how hard I worked for it despite everything. I may be depressed, anxious and suicidal, but my brain still managed to do something amazing for myself. I've never been so proud of myself 🥲

Way to go! Congratulations! YOU did it!:Coopclapping:

Charlee, you overcame the obstacles in your path  and completed your thesis & with first class honors. You should be proud of your accomplishment. 

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22 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

I remember having blackouts too. But I've been sober because my system on meds has a high tolerance to alcohol. I can't get a buzz.i never feel the happy drunk anymore. If I over drink I could still blackout but just stopped coz it wasn't fun anymore.  Been sober 3 years years. 

I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop.

Edited by JD4010
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8 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop.

Congratulations! 

Another reason I stopped was because alcohol was like nitrous to mania and a lead weight to depression.it just made me sad or mad hatter.

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38 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop.

@JD4010

It nice to have those kind of friends, JD4010

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3 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I quit on April 1, 2018. Before that, I was getting loaded all the time...often to the point of blackout. I really went at it after my girlfriend disappeared. I think I wrecked my heart muscles because of all that drinking. Fortunately, our friend @sober4lifewas there to encourage me to stop.

I never would have made it if it wasn't for you being there for me when mom was in the hospital.  There have many what I would call angels here that helped me along the way.  Without them I would have never made it to this point.  My whole life certain people seemed to come along that helped me right when I needed it and you are one of those people.  I miss @MarkintheDark as well.  He saved my life.  He helped me through things I never would have gotten through on my own.  I would give anything to see him here again.:sniffle1:

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Slept all day Monday.  No energy to get up plus it was raining.  I need to be around positive people.  Most of my family are toxic people and that’s bringing me down.  I need to run away from them.  They are annoying and like leaches.    Always needing something.   

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9 hours ago, sober4life said:

I never would have made it if it wasn't for you being there for me when mom was in the hospital.  There have many what I would call angels here that helped me along the way.  Without them I would have never made it to this point.  My whole life certain people seemed to come along that helped me right when I needed it and you are one of those people.  I miss @MarkintheDark as well.  He saved my life.  He helped me through things I never would have gotten through on my own.  I would give anything to see him here again.:sniffle1:

I wish mark would come back too. I always hope that he is still living his life somewhere and just not checking in anymore. I cried when he left us and I still think of him ❤️ 

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