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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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9 minutes ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

Hi everyone 

whats up?? What’s new going on??

am okay okay actually doing very well

however  might have to move although it looks like it may not happen so wish me luck I kinda need it 

Glad to see you here and I am really glad that you are doing well. Me too. I just got internet and a iPad from a supporter of the blog I write and it is fantastic. I don’t have to go to the senior center library to use a shared computer anymore I can actually blog and surf here at home in my apartment now. So I am humbled and blessed.

is it a big move? Different town?

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On 10/19/2021 at 5:50 AM, Nightjar said:

Bit shaky inside. Hopeful that I get to my massage ok and that it's gonna help.... Nervous about covid stuff.. Life is not exactly a breeze is it? 😬

I hope you are feeling better. Covid seems never ending.   I am sick of it.  Sometimes I forget to wear my masks then I have to leave the store and get one from my car.  It's been raining almost every day here.  English weather 😀

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On 10/19/2021 at 7:04 PM, sober4life said:

The Atkins diet saved my life for sure but it's very hard to do in today's world.  Carbs are everywhere.  Mom and I both did it together or I probably never would have done it.  What I do now is more like Weight Watchers.  I don't recommend any diet company that sends you their food through the mail. 

🤣🤣

You made me laugh. 

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6 hours ago, Charlee said:

Not doing so well today, just feeling really down and really sad 😢 

Sorry to hear. What's been happening at your end? Are you still in lockdown? 

We aren't at the moment but I think we may be again soon.. I had a massage recently to help with my anxiety but I think the covid thing might put me off returning 😬

Edited by Nightjar
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I'm angry.  And sad.  And . . . hurt.

I have a friend of many years who I found out was recently in town and didn't contact me.  He had been heavily on my mind and I didn't check up on him.  Just as well I didn't.  I'm ashamed of my life and myself and all I want to do is sleep and not wake up.

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I'm not doing well.  I should have taken that break before.  I knew I needed it and I pushed beyond it and now I can barely think well enough to even type what I need to say.  For what exactly?  I'm going to the store in a little bit and I'm going to come back and have full rest until I have to do things on Monday and Tuesday.  It's to the point where I have no choice at all.

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Wondering if I should adopt a cat to help with anxiety and depression but concerned that I'm too freaking depressed and anxious to care for him/her.

Feel like I'm trying anything and everything at the moment to try and help myself. ... But if kitty is nervous and crying all night I can't cope with it at the moment. 

 

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51 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Wondering if I should adopt a cat to help with anxiety and depression but concerned that I'm too freaking depressed and anxious to care for him/her.

Feel like I'm trying anything and everything at the moment to try and help myself. ... But if kitty is nervous and crying all night I can't cope with it at the moment. 

 

I say the same thing myself but I think we're people that have to have animals in our lives in some way to be happy.  I know I'm not well.  It's why I try to enjoy animals as much as I can on my walks.  I'll be honest I can't guarantee any animal will have a happy life here.  Anything that has legs and can get out of here I recommend it heads for the hills the first chance it gets.

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19 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I say the same thing myself but I think we're people that have to have animals in our lives in some way to be happy.  I know I'm not well.  It's why I try to enjoy animals as much as I can on my walks.  I'll be honest I can't guarantee any animal will have a happy life here.  Anything that has legs and can get out of here I recommend it heads for the hills the first chance it gets.

I've been trying to volunteer for the cat homes around here but I haven't got anywhere so far. I'm feeling really depressed this afternoon otherwise I would maybe try and call again. 

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13 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

Glad to see you here and I am really glad that you are doing well. Me too. I just got internet and a iPad from a supporter of the blog I write and it is fantastic. I don’t have to go to the senior center library to use a shared computer anymore I can actually blog and surf here at home in my apartment now. So I am humbled and blessed.

is it a big move? Different town?

I don’t know am kinda hoping I don’t have to I like it here

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My trip to Santa Monica was much needed as I was busy the entire time. Literally from the moment I got there to the very moment I left I was recording music or performing gigs or sleeping so it was well worth it. I spent the nights recording from 10:30pm to 6:30am roughly with some session guys and my friend Eric. Surprised by the hotel because I was given a suite to myself. One evening I had a DJ set at the hotel, another Eric and I played at a blues club which was fun but I felt out of place for a moment. While I was in the studio I let Eric keep my phone in another room to keep me from worrying and my mind drifting off into bad zones. Plus it kept me from being distracted too since I wanted to get stuff done.

Sunday was eventful as when I left the studio I went out on the beach and wrote "happy birthday Christine" in the sand and sent it to her that morning. Eric knew I was anxious over that and could tell I was letting my anxiety get to me for a moment. He had made some copies of what we recorded, filled out some paperwork and sent me on my way to Def Jam and to Universal's buildings to drop off and meet with them. While I walked to Universal I finally got a message from Christine. She loved the beach picture and wished me luck with my meetings with the record labels. All along my trip she kept telling me not to go into Louis Vuitton's store. I went in, took a quick selfie with my shades on and she told me that I better not be in there. Teasing cause I figured she thought I was going to buy another pair of sunglasses.

The meetings with the labels was pretty good but I'm not sure what it will lead to. Universal has distributed my work before and has published my work as well so I have a good relationship with them as a distributor. My main thing is that I have those 15 tracks Eric and I recorded floating around in the labels buildings so maybe they'll pick them up and I'll have song writing credits or something. Who knows. In the end I'm glad I went on my own. I was going to see if Ryan wanted to go but in the end decided that since he's never been around professional musicians and music business people I decided for the best to just not mention it to him. I wasn't there for a vacation, rather for professional work reasons. I think I'll go back out to LA again here in the next few months if I hear anything from the labels. Maybe I'll take someone with me and perhaps stay longer next time.

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Not doing well…..this time of the year is when things start to get worse for me as my seasonal affective disorder kicks in. I don’t like Halloweeen or anything assoicated with it…never have even when I was a child. Don’t care for football either which is bad since I live in a football crazed town with a team that’s pretty good and everyone everywhere can’t seem to talk about anything else. 
 

Fall has been okay so far…milder than usual and no real cold nights as of yet but that could literally change overnight and the snow will be coming sooner than later. I know the time change is coming soon and those nights where it is dark at like 5:30 really get me down.

Work is as frustrating as ever and consuming too much news again and some things are upsetting me more than they should and contributing to my heightened anxiety level of late.

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I think the nursing home experience does sound more appealing each day of this nightmare.  You're going to dope me up to the point where I'm mostly just awake for meals and I can hide in my room all day and never have to worry about anyone stopping by to see me.  Sign me up!

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I've never been happy because I've never been good at this life but mainly it's because none of it makes sense.  It's been a lifetime of saying why do people like this and why are we doing this.  I'm not too hard on myself because it almost feels like I was never meant to do any of this.  I fully believe others enjoy some of this but I was never meant for any of this.

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1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

ill never be happy 😞

I do remember before covid when you were volunteering, that you were doing better 🤔 It sucks that our lives were turned upside down so much... More for some, than others... My current issues have nothing to do with covid, but finding relief is proving hard as a result of covid 🤔

Wishing you some peace of mind 🌹

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22 hours ago, sober4life said:

Anything that has legs and can get out of here I recommend it heads for the hills the first chance it gets.

Whenever my one cat starts going stir crazy I tell him to run away first chance he gets but he still hasn't left me 🤗 I can't believe how crazy that cat is he is different. We must be made for each other I guess 😂

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2 hours ago, watalife said:

Whenever my one cat starts going stir crazy I tell him to run away first chance he gets but he still hasn't left me 🤗 I can't believe how crazy that cat is he is different. We must be made for each other I guess 😂

I think all of my pets were just as crazy as me.  Having a dog that quacked like a duck was a dream come true for me.

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4 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I do remember before covid when you were volunteering, that you were doing better 🤔 It sucks that our lives were turned upside down so much... More for some, than others... My current issues have nothing to do with covid, but finding relief is proving hard as a result of covid 🤔

Wishing you some peace of mind 🌹

I don't know if I want to go on anymore...it's just so painful

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On 10/21/2021 at 8:21 AM, Nightjar said:

Sorry to hear. What's been happening at your end? Are you still in lockdown? 

We aren't at the moment but I think we may be again soon.. I had a massage recently to help with my anxiety but I think the covid thing might put me off returning 😬

we are still in lock down, going into week 11 😞 They're saying we will remain until most likely December, then they want to open up and let covid reign. I dont know whats worse, being isolated and locked up to not knowing who is sick and when you'll get sick. The anxiety 😩 so much for NZ being world leaders with covid... we'll be like the rest of the world soon. What will be the point in keeping us in lockdown for 4 months if at the end they just give up and open everything and covid spreads like a wild fire? I really am worried about how im going to cope with having to go to work and take public transport every day knowing that covid is floating around, I dont know how you've all done it for a year and a half now!

Being isolated and shut-in triggers bad depression, but being allowed out will trigger huge anxiety, idk what ill do. Its a no-win situation.

Edited by Charlee
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