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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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1 minute ago, Nightjar said:

Are you having any luck with getting away from your sisters? 

I am back at the house and they went for a vacation.  I am home alone from September 11 to 23. 😀

I am searching for a quiet apartment/flat for myself.  

How are you today?

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Just now, duck said:

I am back at the house and they went for a vacation.  I am home alone from September 11 to 23. 😀

I am searching for a quiet apartment/flat for myself.  

How are you today?

Yay duck! 😀 So glad you are getting a break 🥳 

I'm very tired again. Not enough sleep. I'm getting disturbed by my mom's schedule but it's better than the noise at my house 🤔 I'll be heading out soon, maybe to the beach. I will meet you there for a coffee ☕ ☺️⛱️

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15 hours ago, user1492 said:

Yesterday I helped load, unload and split four truck loads of firewood, got all my housework done...followed by a good night's sleep.

Freaked out because the dread and fear and anxiety feel far away....

Way back in fall of 1993 we were in Kamloops.  We drove home in intermittent rain from Kamloops to Edmonton.  It was beautiful.  We could smell burning firewood.  😀

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On 9/19/2021 at 2:10 AM, Nightjar said:

I always used to look good and now I wear the same clothes for years. 

I am the same.  I am worried my friends will say negative things.  

3 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Yay duck! 😀 So glad you are getting a break 🥳 

I'm very tired again. Not enough sleep. I'm getting disturbed by my mom's schedule but it's better than the noise at my house 🤔 I'll be heading out soon, maybe to the beach. I will meet you there for a coffee ☕ ☺️⛱️

YAAAY 😁  Coffee sounds good!  

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Picking up on signals that mean I’m doing worse. Feels weird bc outwardly I’m able to act more put together. I don’t wanna tell people where my mind has gone, especially if I can get by. 
 

Ashamed, tired and desperate. 

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On 9/17/2021 at 8:52 PM, duck said:

A whole week?  We will miss you for sure!   You neighbors will be jumping up and down to the noise.😀

The neighbors actually left when they did the roof.  Unfortunately they came back.

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kinda upset.  my daughter called & said that my granddaughter's school was in lockdown.  There had been a shooting at another high school across town.  What upset me was the news anchor made this comment "This is a STEM school. This are smart kids."  I came so close to calling the tv station because of this comment.  What does being smart have to do with mental health.  As I told my daughter, this kid probably showed signs/symptoms of a mental breakdown & no one paid any attention to him/her.  The signs are there, but they are ignored by the people around the person.

Not only was this incident upsetting to me, but my daughter told me that last week, there was a practice lockdown & my granddaughter's teacher had to google what to do!!   

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8 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Ah, that's a nice thought about the angel. Do you believe in them? 

Hi Nightjar

I might believe sort of in them. Not like you see in movies or so - but I some sort of higher power.

Just like Soulmates and Twin flames. To me they exist.

Other then that - your post is saddening to read about how dependent you from your mom. I can only imagine how that would be. Hopefully you get on your own feet and take control over your life soon. 

I am not a praying person, but I send best wishes instead. 💫

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10 hours ago, duck said:

I currently prefer renting now because house prices are so high.  Finding a quiet place could be a challenge.  

Renting is better.  When you own you still pay rent in other ways.  It's a shell game.  My way being an owner you don't have anyone to call for help when things go wrong.  You have to take care of everything on your own.  The place could cave in on you and nobody cares.

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1 hour ago, Svenetc said:

I might believe sort of in them. Not like you see in movies or so - but I some sort of higher power.

I never used to believe in them but on the 2 worst days when I had the virus mom was by the bed holding my hand.  I believe in angels now.

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1 hour ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

It’s okay I been taking cbd oil to help the pain and it works even helps anxiety so yay 

how have you been doing

CBD oil helps with calming my ptsd dreams. I have been good. Not manic not depression so meds are working at new dosage.

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On 9/19/2021 at 5:48 PM, JD4010 said:

Anhedonia is far better than anxiety.

I think I'm at the point where my brain doesn't quite realize I don't enjoy anything anymore so I still have the "need" for things that goes nowhere.  Who knows maybe that's always been the case.  Maybe I never really liked anything.  Maybe it's always just been my brain torturing me.  It finds things other people enjoy and gets a kick out of showing me I never will enjoy any of it.

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15 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I think I agree with you on the whole. It is cheaper to buy than rent. It's just that I have no money coming in and I'm pretty sick of being unable to do anything...

It's been 12 years of having nothing. Narc mom has been covering my bills and giving me a tiny allowance. This has saved me the stress of working but left me with zero opportunities for growth or leisure activities....I can't even afford to go to the gym.

She sucked me into this arrangement when I was going through a bad patch and I've been stuck in it ever since 😬 If I had savings or decent money coming in maybe I could rent while I searched for another place but I have very little cash and I'm stuck at my mom's. 

I'm in a gilded cage and being financially controlled.  People on the outside would say I have it made but they can't see that I have no choices or control over my own life. 

Oooh, I see now. That's hard. I'm also stuck because of finances in a living situation that's unhealthy. If you do decide to buy, I hope you can find a house that costs less than the one you sold and do a few things for yourself with the difference!

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17 hours ago, Svenetc said:

What is going on Charlee ? 

Im just low, so very low. I dont know what help I can get and then my anxiety is like "no we dont need help we can do it all ourselves" so I dont reach out and I dont even know what services I should use. I cant afford private mental health care so im stuck. The other day I made a plan to end my life in the next ten years. So thats where Im at. I know no one on here can give me the help I need, but thanks for asking Sven

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On 3/8/2020 at 1:15 AM, duck said:

Same here.  I avoid humans (except babies and toddlers) like the plague.

I'll third this. That's a silver lining of COVID: You can deliberately avoid people on the street and not look like some kind of antisocial weirdo anymore. When I cross the street as soon as I see someone coming towards me, that's now a prudent health and safety measure. 😂

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16 minutes ago, anon22ae said:
On 3/8/2020 at 9:15 AM, duck said:

Same here.  I avoid humans (except babies and toddlers) like the plague.

I'll third this. That's a silver lining of COVID: You can deliberately avoid people on the street and not look like some kind of antisocial weirdo anymore. When I cross the street as soon as I see someone coming towards me, that's now a prudent health and safety measure. 

Four-thing this! I do all of this and never look anyone in the eye anymore

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5 hours ago, Charlee said:

Im just low, so very low. I dont know what help I can get and then my anxiety is like "no we dont need help we can do it all ourselves" so I dont reach out and I dont even know what services I should use. I cant afford private mental health care so im stuck. The other day I made a plan to end my life in the next ten years. So thats where Im at. I know no one on here can give me the help I need,

Charlee, it is sad to read how you feel. I know the feeling though. I " self-doctor " as well. But my issues are minor. I think I can handle it without actual help from outside. It helps me to be in here and read and interact more than attending any sessions somewhere or taking meds. Between work and my "social" life in here and a chat I can kinda live . But that low feeling hits me too all the time. Sometimes worse than other days. Just pulling through I suppose. The purpose of my existence I question all the time, but I believe that there is one and I will find out what it is someday. I hope you find a way to get help from any source. So that way you can write here in 11 years how that went and we will all be happy that your 10 year plan never succeeded  🙂 

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I actually feel pretty good.  I have the Directv person putting the satellite on a pole in the yard today and then I'm finally done with all of this process.  Meeting someone for the first time is always a good time to speak in a Mickey Mouse voice.  It's the little things that bring me happiness in this life.🤭

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