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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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31 minutes ago, Charlee said:

I'm not ok and im tired of pretending. I'm so tired of this life, I wish I could just say goodbye for good but I wont because I still have hope that there's somehow something out there that will help me feel better. I can't face anything, I can't talk about anything. I dont think i'll ever be able to so i'll have to figure out how to move forward by extinguishing my past. Anyone know of a memory wiping drug out there? If there was one that existed that I could use I would gladly take it.

I am in exactly the same boat.  I am sick of pretending as well.  I go through the motions but I am sick of life!

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6 minutes ago, duck said:

What's going on?

My niece is leaving in 2 days. She dropped a bombshell on me today about he father, my older brother.  She said the same thing about him about 25 years ago & it nearly tore the family apart.  My brother repeatedly texted & called me because I wasn't home & did not answer him.  It seems that I'm not suppose to go anywhere. 

The anxiety keeps me home, if I go the  store, I get what I absolutely must have  & I'm home in 30 minutes. My niece knows about this & makes sure that I get out of the house 2 -3 times a month & it usually for the most of the day. 

It just seems like everything is becoming overwhelming. And when that happens, I get closer to the dark hole of depression.

Thanks for asking. 🙂

 

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1 hour ago, Charlee said:

I honestly wonder this too, how do people move through life, do their jobs, show up daily and get promotions? Like HOW?!

I'm a good actor, I know what is expected of me and that's how I act....I also need the structure/routine....keeping a mask on can be exauhsting though, but I manage

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I feel okay today.  The liquid diet is not as bad as I thought it would be.  Living on smoothies is okay but having sweet, sweet, sweet drinks all the times is getting old pretty fast.  I am now experimenting with non-sweet smoothies:  avocado smoothies with Tabasco sauce, pureed mashed potatoes with Italian or Mexican tomato sauce. 

Hugs to everyone. 

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7 hours ago, Charlee said:
On 9/14/2021 at 2:04 AM, iWantRope said:

If any DFers manage to not only be currently employed but stay so for more than 3 months, kindly share how you manage to accomplish this. 

I honestly wonder this too, how do people move through life, do their jobs, show up daily and get promotions? Like HOW?!

For me the answer is :HOPE .... hope to escape a cycle of feeling down and sad 24/7 . Work gives me a purpose and sort of reward for getting up, showing up on time and dedicating my efforts to my job. If I would not have that tiny escape I would go nuts. I have nothing at home to look forward to, but at work I know the day before about what I will tackle the next day. That works for me. All the rest of my "internal mess" I could not battle without a steady job and task.So I am thankful for it. Thankful that people believed in me and trusted me and thankful that I was guided to a great opportunity. So I believe a good job and a purpose for that matter is better than any medications I could get from a doctor who has no clue of what is going through my mind and my "inside" daily. 

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12 hours ago, Charlee said:

bathing and hoovering (I call it vacuuming) is an acomplishment! Daily tasks are so hard and packing up your house must feel so overwhelming and that you don't know where to start.. I remember feeling the same way when I was helping mum pack up our family home when she sold it a few years ago. Hopefully itl get easier.. do you have any help from friend or someone other than your mum?

Wishing you rest today ❤️

 

Thankyou sweetheart. I might have to ask my sis and mom for help and maybe my dad. I would never do that normally but if I'm crazy exhausted it will have to get done somehow. I might be able to manage, we'll see... Rest is massively important to me at the moment. If I get enough I might be ok. 😏 I'm sitting down today but my mind is racing and my heart is racing a bit, thinking about it all 😬

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Kinda anxious for the next 24 hrs to go by quickly, just got hooked up to a portable 24 hr heart monitor, the first of several tests to see why i am having trouble breathing at times the heart palpitations and short of breath when i do activities 

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20 hours ago, Charlee said:

I'm not ok and im tired of pretending. I'm so tired of this life, I wish I could just say goodbye for good but I wont because I still have hope that there's somehow something out there that will help me feel better. I can't face anything, I can't talk about anything. I dont think i'll ever be able to so i'll have to figure out how to move forward by extinguishing my past. Anyone know of a memory wiping drug out there? If there was one that existed that I could use I would gladly take it.

Apparently, ketamine treatment helps change one's perspective on stuff. I don't have any experience with it though.

My past hangs around me like a thick, noxious cloud. 

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15 hours ago, nothing_man said:

Back pain. Having to face exams. No will to study. No will to get up in the morning. I don't want to be ungrateful. I will evade all contact, it could disturb my plans. Nostalgic. Feeling worthless.

Except for the exams part, I'm in the same boat. I am being challenged mightily by my ex right now however. That's kind of like dreading exams I guess.

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34 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

Kinda anxious for the next 24 hrs to go by quickly, just got hooked up to a portable 24 hr heart monitor, the first of several tests to see why i am having trouble breathing at times the heart palpitations and short of breath when i do activities 

Best wishes to you. That kind of thing is nerve-wracking.

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On 9/14/2021 at 4:27 PM, monicott17 said:

Beyond disgusted with pretty much everyone and everything right now. I don’t love being stuck in my room pretty much all day, every day but at this point it might be my best option. I can’t deal with the nonsense and it is clear to me that no one really cares what I think or wants me to have a different opinion. It is hard to live with people 24-7 who you know deep down are judging your every move. Yet there is no way I can move out on my own right now…for a number of reasons. It is a tough pill to swallow.

I definitely know how that is. I hope you keep dropping in here to hang out with the gang. We've got each other's backs.

 

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On 9/14/2021 at 6:08 PM, womanofthelight said:

Yes, Charlee.  I think we're fortunate to even have had a mother and/or father figure to learn from and observe--all the things we see that were good and things we never want to inflict on another human being.  

Book stores: Yes!  I love them and how the culture of them changed over the course of my life.  Instead of inviting you to get out for fear of your "cheating" by way of reading an entire book and then walking away, they have instead invited us in to browse, take our time, even have some coffee and some time to think.  I fear, however, that bookstores have taken a big hit with the pandemic and may disappear forever.  😟

The ones around here have relaxed a bit on how many people can be inside at once, and none of them have started asking for the "vax passport"--yet.  Masks are still mandatory though.

My daughter works in a bookstore chain and things seem to be picking up there. Same with the indie stores that we go to. If the government doesn't get stoopid again, they just might make it. Oh, and F Amazon while I'm at it.

Edited by JD4010
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17 hours ago, Epictetus said:

I feel okay today.  The liquid diet is not as bad as I thought it would be.  Living on smoothies is okay but having sweet, sweet, sweet drinks all the times is getting old pretty fast.  I am now experimenting with non-sweet smoothies:  avocado smoothies with Tabasco sauce, pureed mashed potatoes with Italian or Mexican tomato sauce. 

Hugs to everyone. 

I kinda like smoothies. Hopefully the hot sauce isn't inflaming your mouth where the surgery was!

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7 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Except for the exams part, I'm in the same boat. I am being challenged mightily by my ex right now however. That's kind of like dreading exams I guess.

I'm sorry man. I'm divorced and kind of know what you mean. I just walked away from her, as far and fast as I could have done. It is better to go away from people that doesn't truly love you.

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Exam went "bad" according to the system that corrects it, but has to be reviewed. The system hardly goes into your favour. Anxiety kicks in, the uncertainty of not knowing if something went well or bad. All my energy is there, it's my way to escape some issues, the way I survive. It hurts when something you have put 100% of your energy goes bad. I'm not giving up, I have hope that the review will go well. I hug YOU.

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Tired of holding my cat hostage. He is not a happy cat nor is he the kind of cat I wanted. He wants to live outside on the edge where it's the fastest way to die. I told him I know how he feels. I don't know what he wants but I'm pretty sure he is miserable like the rest of us. What a boring bunch of sh##. He don't even like his cat friend I got for him. What a jerk.

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Yeah I know how you feel.  I let the rabbit go outside with the other 2 rabbits when I left to go on vacation.  He was miserable in here.  He's still living outside with them.  I love animals but I don't blame them for wanting out of here.  I don't even want to be here.

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On 9/14/2021 at 1:18 PM, Charlee said:

I’m getting mixed opinions from others about it as well, I’d hope psychiatry would be better from 20 years ago but I know science moves slowly and psych even slower! If I do I’ll update, though I think I’m to scared to do it cuz I don’t know what will happen and my view of a psych ward is from of the 60s from that movie with Angelina Jolie and .. (can’t remember the name of the film or the main actress) 

"Girl Interrupted" Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie, Brittany Murphy, Elisabeth Moss. I saw the movie like twenty years ago. 

Problem is doctors have a bad attitude!

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On 9/14/2021 at 8:48 AM, Nightjar said:

I should get a break very soon, thank god, as she will be in hospital

Sounds good to me.  You will get some peace 😀

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On 9/15/2021 at 7:32 PM, nojoy said:

My niece is leaving in 2 days. She dropped a bombshell on me today about he father, my older brother.  She said the same thing about him about 25 years ago & it nearly tore the family apart.  My brother repeatedly texted & called me because I wasn't home & did not answer him.  It seems that I'm not suppose to go anywhere. 

The anxiety keeps me home, if I go the  store, I get what I absolutely must have  & I'm home in 30 minutes. My niece knows about this & makes sure that I get out of the house 2 -3 times a month & it usually for the most of the day. 

It just seems like everything is becoming overwhelming. And when that happens, I get closer to the dark hole of depression.

Thanks for asking. 🙂

 

Sorry to hear.  Please keep posting.  We love to hear from you.  :hugs:

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