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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'll never tell anyone I'm afraid but I am afraid.  I never imagined I would have to go through a time like this.  It would be different if I had any faith at all in the leaders but every day feels like waking up on a plane and the pilots come over the load speaker and say woohoo we're drunk!

It is ok to be afraid. I am afraid I won't have enough to retire in March 2022. That I will lose my job due to my illness which has caused me to miss work and I don't have anymore PTO built up. What is hard is to not stay under a rock and hide. Getting out, making new plans or goals, eating healthy, thinking healthy are all actions to take in spite of being afraid.

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I agree.  Like I said they'll never know I'm afraid.  They'll think I'm one of the strong ones when I'm out in the world but I'm the one that dives under the covers with a stuffed animal the first chance I get.

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Tired, in pain, job is terrible, why do jobs have to be so terrible, life is a rat race where we are all dodging the poison pellet or hoping for the poison that ends the endless hours on the spinning wheel that leads to nowhere.

Edited by watalife
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2 hours ago, watalife said:

Tired, in pain, job is terrible, why do jobs have to be so terrible, life is a rat race where we are all dodging the poison pellet or hoping for the poison that ends the endless hours on the spinning wheel that leads to nowhere.

I'm with you on this. I hate my job. It causes me anxiety and sometimes I have to stay home as the panic attacks are so bad. Like today. I spent the day doing something that I really enjoy which is writing for my blog and posting on here. Any type of writing like poems, articles, songs makes me happy.  Hopefully, my March 2022 I will be able to switch careers to freelance writing instead of the deadhead job I got now. 

Is there something that you really like to do (me writing) that you could turn into a career?

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How is everyone doing?
 

I am having an okay day.  I drove to a far away shopping mall and had coffee with one of my friends who I did not see for three months.   
 

It is very quiet on this forum this week.   

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6 minutes ago, duck said:

How is everyone doing?
 

I am having an okay day.  I drove to a far away shopping mall and had coffee with one of my friends who I did not see for three months.   
 

It is very quiet on this forum this week.   

doing ok i guess, still painting in the house, hate painting, would rather stick a pick in my eye, LOL, it was quiet this week, but i hope that means everyone was occupied and feeling good

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@Bbqdad no I can't do much of anything since I don't like being around people. I'm working now because I need my own place to live. I get temporary relief with music shopping and food. I can't believe we have to give so much of our lives to work. Slavery still exist imo. 

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1 hour ago, duck said:

How is everyone doing?
 

I am having an okay day.  I drove to a far away shopping mall and had coffee with one of my friends who I did not see for three months.   
 

It is very quiet on this forum this week.   

I'm ok.  I'll never give up.  It's hard though.  I used to think I was paranoid but the longer I live the more I realize everything really is a conspiracy.:sniffle1:

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I keep having dreams about people I'm trying to take my mind off of. I love sleep, it helps me forget about the world for a little while but once I wake up my heart is pounding and I recall the dreams I had. It's like torture.

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39 minutes ago, Charlee said:

I’m considering checking myself into the psych ward, I’m really really depressed, things aren’t good right now and I don’t know what to do 

If you can do it and feel like it could help, I hope you'll take the steps and that they'll bring you more support!

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Another week of caregiver stress -- insurance and govt screwups, running around for procedures, today on watch at the hospital. Failing two people when I focus on the third. Failing work, so I'll have to make up hours this weekend. Mentally burned out. No feelings, other than shades of anger. And panic -- what happens when I just CAN'T anymore? The soles are peeling off my shoes, my tires are bald, one arm fell off my glasses and I'm literally wearing them around that way to drive. Exhausted, traumatized.

Also... feeling some satisfaction from setting boundaries this week. It sucks to have to. I could sure use the support, and this person has had loads of support from me. But it's too messy, and I honestly felt better when I disengaged. Save that energy.

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5 hours ago, juno_writes said:

Another week of caregiver stress -- insurance and govt screwups, running around for procedures, today on watch at the hospital. Failing two people when I focus on the third. Failing work, so I'll have to make up hours this weekend. Mentally burned out. No feelings, other than shades of anger. And panic -- what happens when I just CAN'T anymore? The soles are peeling off my shoes, my tires are bald, one arm fell off my glasses and I'm literally wearing them around that way to drive. Exhausted, traumatized.

Also... feeling some satisfaction from setting boundaries this week. It sucks to have to. I could sure use the support, and this person has had loads of support from me. But it's too messy, and I honestly felt better when I disengaged. Save that energy.

I'm sorry and I admire you for all that you do. From one trauma survivor to another. Hugs :hugs:

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7 hours ago, Charlee said:

I’m considering checking myself into the psych ward, I’m really really depressed, things aren’t good right now and I don’t know what to do 

You can keep in touch with us if you do and we will continue to support you. If you think it may help, why not? Or maybe go home for a bit?? 

Hugs :hugs:

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11 hours ago, duck said:

How is everyone doing?
 

I am having an okay day.  I drove to a far away shopping mall and had coffee with one of my friends who I did not see for three months.   
 

It is very quiet on this forum this week.   

I'm doing ok I think. Sorry I haven't been so active here this week. I've put my house on the market again and have been very busy 🤔 I'm glad you got to see your friend 🤗

Edited by Nightjar
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11 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

Am doing better on my new med so not perfect still have bad thoughts but there not to bad I can handle them so there’s that

I am proud of you for going to the doc during such a hard time. I’m glad the meds are helping. 

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3 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I'm doing ok I think. Sorry I haven't been so active here this week. I've put my house on the market again and have been very busy 🤔 I'm glad you got to see your friend 🤗

I'm proud of you.  You're taking a huge step to get a better life.  I can't imagine how hard it is.  You're probably cleaning constantly.  I'm doing the same thing.  They're coming to do the roof on Friday.  Even though I'm basically saying part of my house is so awful I want you to tear it off and give me a new one everything else still has to be perfect when they get here.🤨

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14 hours ago, duck said:

How is everyone doing?
 

I am having an okay day.  I drove to a far away shopping mall and had coffee with one of my friends who I did not see for three months.   
 

It is very quiet on this forum this week.   

The mall….one of the very few things in life that I still semi enjoy. Even if I have no reason to go or anything to buy, it is nice to walk around and be among people and activity.

Anxiety is sky high for me right now. It already was and something that happened in the last few days made it skyrocket. Beside myself with uncertainty and worry about it and about what I am going to do. I have no idea at this point and whatever the outcome ends up being is going to cause issues for me.

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6 minutes ago, monicott17 said:

The mall….one of the very few things in life that I still semi enjoy. Even if I have no reason to go or anything to buy, it is nice to walk around and be among people and activity.

Anxiety is sky high for me right now. It already was and something that happened in the last few days made it skyrocket. Beside myself with uncertainty and worry about it and about what I am going to do. I have no idea at this point and whatever the outcome ends up being is going to cause issues for me.

I enjoy going to the mall too.  I am still someone that enjoys going to stores to shop.  If it was all online I would have never developed a shopping habit.  I enjoy shopping even if it's just browsing and getting nothing.  I feel a high just walking through the stores and looking.  It gives me that feeling I had when I was a kid on Christmas morning opening up presents.

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On 9/9/2021 at 9:38 PM, sober4life said:

I'll never tell anyone I'm afraid but I am afraid.  I never imagined I would have to go through a time like this.  It would be different if I had any faith at all in the leaders but every day feels like waking up on a plane and the pilots come over the load speaker and say woohoo we're drunk!

I can relate. I have almost zero trust in anyone or anything, especially people who are in positions of power and leadership. Things are already bad enough and will get much worse I am afraid before they get better. I am geniunely afraid because there is something I chose not to do and lets just say, it is not the “acceptable” choice in the eyes of others and they want to cause problems for me.

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On 9/3/2021 at 6:24 PM, duck said:

I think you are correct!   First vaccines were voluntary now we are forced to get vaccinated.  
 

My city is forcing us to wear masks again starting today!   

I wish I knew what their end goal with all of this is...one thing we do know for sure is that the power/money-seeking sociopaths don't care about us hoi-polloi.

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17 hours ago, watalife said:

@Bbqdad no I can't do much of anything since I don't like being around people. I'm working now because I need my own place to live. I get temporary relief with music shopping and food. I can't believe we have to give so much of our lives to work. Slavery still exist imo. 

Wage slavery...we are slaves to "them what has" essentially.

I had to resign from my last job. The work atmosphere was severely toxic and I was starting to feel those old suicidal rumblings. I need to find something else though; I'm rapidly running out of $$$$.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I enjoy going to the mall too.  I am still someone that enjoys going to stores to shop.  If it was all online I would have never developed a shopping habit.  I enjoy shopping even if it's just browsing and getting nothing.  I feel a high just walking through the stores and looking.  It gives me that feeling I had when I was a kid on Christmas morning opening up presents.

Bookstores are a kind of Nirvana for me. Fortunately my daughter works in one. In fact. she's done working there in two hours and I have to pick her up. I'll get there early so I can browse for a bit.

Books are our father/daughter hobby. We took a road trip earlier in the week to visit bookstores in another part of the state.

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