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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

These cold mornings are a preview of how the fall and winter will be for me now.  I'm in serious trouble.  Honestly I'm not even sure I'm going to be able to comb my hair today or put on my shoes and socks.  I really hate life.

I felt like that today. Like how do I even step outside? I came out here though. I'm still walking. I'm still trucking even if I have no idea how to move forward. 

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17 hours ago, surfcaster said:

depressed, not looking for birthday wishes, just a question, WHY do i get so depressed like this every year, i mean it's supposed to be a day to celebrate but it never is, it's always the lowest of days

Happy Birthday though. Just because 🎈NJ

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

These cold mornings are a preview of how the fall and winter will be for me now.  I'm in serious trouble.  Honestly I'm not even sure I'm going to be able to comb my hair today or put on my shoes and socks.  I really hate life.

I can relate.  Work is especially tough for me right now. Struggle daily with motivation and things are kind of messy right now and that just adds to my frustration and lack of motivation.

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3 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I felt like that today. Like how do I even step outside? I came out here though. I'm still walking. I'm still trucking even if I have no idea how to move forward. 

Yeah I might be able to walk.  I'll try.  I'm in a lot of pain though.  I accomplished something major already this morning.  Something I would have never been able to do before in a million years.  I do need to walk off the stress.  I'm not giving up.  I am trying to figure this out though.  I seem to be falling apart quickly.  Thanks for the encouragement.❤️

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I continue to feel a deep sense of melancholy. I also continue to worry that things will get worse before they get better.  Returning to the life that exsisted prior to March of 2020 seems like a pipe dream right about now. And it is one of the many things that is making me so sad.

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2 hours ago, monicott17 said:

I can relate.  Work is especially tough for me right now. Struggle daily with motivation and things are kind of messy right now and that just adds to my frustration and lack of motivation.

I do struggle with motivation.  When I posted this I couldn't even bend my arms enough to touch my head.  It seems to go after different things all the time so I don't know what to expect.  I could barely change my clothes this morning.  I don't worry about what's going on with me on it's own.  I worry because of the world I live in.  What will they do to me now?

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Just down today. Not depressed, just down. I'm really pissed off with my living situation. The fact that my neighbours have the power to dictate how I will feel every day by controlling my sleep patterns makes me angry...

Not their fault the walls are thin but I still can't help but be annoyed, especially when the dude starts his shouting and singing and banging around.

I live like a freaking mouse here coz I know they can hear everything. Last night for now and I will stay at mom's for a couple of nights. I just want a safe space to sleep and relax 😥

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4 hours ago, monicott17 said:

I continue to feel a deep sense of melancholy. I also continue to worry that things will get worse before they get better.  Returning to the life that existed prior to March of 2020 seems like a pipe dream right about now. And it is one of the many things that is making me so sad

I am feeling sorry for you ! I am in the exact same boat.  Just mine went down in February 2020. Right now I just maintain instead of live life. So I just " sit it out " until I can improve things. I want to, yet my hands are tied and my "internal compass" tells me to wait and suppress any moves I am not ready to make.

Hope you find a happy thought to lift you up somewhat

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2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Just down today. Not depressed, just down. I'm really pissed off with my living situation. The fact that my neighbours have the power to dictate how I will feel every day by controlling my sleep patterns makes me angry...

Not their fault the walls are thin but I still can't help but be annoyed, especially when the dude starts his shouting and singing and banging around.

I live like a freaking mouse here coz I know they can hear everything. Last night for now and I will stay at mom's for a couple of nights. I just want a safe space to sleep and relax 😥

I used to live in places like you live.  I felt like I had to choose between the air conditioning and the tv.  On one side was essentially an all hours of the night party house that I felt I had to put up with and on the other side was an 85 year old woman that I felt I couldn't make any noise for or she would knock on the wall or call the landlord and try to get me kicked out.  I did that for 5 years.

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33 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I used to live in places like you live.  I felt like I had to choose between the air conditioning and the tv.  On one side was essentially an all hours of the night party house that I felt I had to put up with and on the other side was an 85 year old woman that I felt I couldn't make any noise for or she would knock on the wall or call the landlord and try to get me kicked out.  I did that for 5 years.

Yikes. You felt my pain. I saw my neighbour looking in earlier. It was the first time I saw him since knocked on the wall at 6:30 am. He has been making aggressive noises lately in the evening. Not nice.. And you know how my relationship with my mom is.... To have me think of staying there means I'm pretty desperate 😬 I'm going back there tomorrow for a night or two... I gotta be honest, I'm so freaking lonely aswell, being there is a bonus... 

I'm glad that you managed to escape. How did you get out of there? I will have been here four years next spring. N mom has finally accepted that I will sell it then and she has said I can stay with her till I find somewhere else. It will take about 6 months to complete the sale so it will be a similar time frame to your stay. It's like I've finally been given permission from N mom to leave 😬 That's no small thing after all of the harrassment to stay. 

Don't know if I will stay at mom's too much  (there are so many dangers to my mental health) but I might if it is my only means of escape from a house I can't sleep in. 

This is a nice house in a good area but the walls are tissue paper 👀

I feel like it's all come to a head and leaving is just gonna happen in the spring now. God, being here with all of the harrassment from mom, problems with neighbours and the noise has been the hardest living situation ever. 

Edited by Nightjar
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3 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Just down today. Not depressed, just down. I'm really pissed off with my living situation. The fact that my neighbours have the power to dictate how I will feel every day by controlling my sleep patterns makes me angry...

Not their fault the walls are thin but I still can't help but be annoyed, especially when the dude starts his shouting and singing and banging around.

I live like a freaking mouse here coz I know they can hear everything. Last night for now and I will stay at mom's for a couple of nights. I just want a safe space to sleep and relax 😥

Can you talk to them about how loud they are or is that not on the table, i know i would have trouble

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11 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

God, being here with all of the harrassment from mom, problems with neighbours and the noise has been the hardest living situation ever

I hope it gets better Nightjar ... this sounds like a terrible situation. Honestly I would not know how to handle it. But hopefully time will bring you peace and joy back into life. A new place to live, a new mini lion and more. It sounds pretty tough what you got going on now. So my best wishes and thoughts !

 

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41 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

Yikes. You felt my pain. I saw my neighbour looking in earlier. It was the first time I saw him since knocked on the wall at 6:30 am. He has been making aggressive noises lately in the evening. Not nice.. And you know how my relationship with my mom is.... To have me think of staying there means I'm pretty desperate 😬 I'm going back there tomorrow for a night or two... I gotta be honest, I'm so freaking lonely aswell, being there is a bonus... 

I'm glad that you managed to escape. How did you get out of there? I will have been here four years next spring. N mom has finally accepted that I will sell it then and she has said I can stay with her till I find somewhere else. It will take about 6 months to complete the sale so it will be a similar time frame to your stay. It's like I've finally been given permission from N mom to leave 😬 That's no small thing after all of the harrassment to stay. 

Don't know if I will stay at mom's too much  (there are so many dangers to my mental health) but I might if it is my only means of escape from a house I can't sleep in. 

This is a nice house in a good area but the walls are tissue paper 👀

I feel like it's all come to a head and leaving is just gonna happen in the spring now. God, being here with all of the harrassment from mom, problems with neighbours and the noise has been the hardest living situation ever. 

Looking in the window?  I wouldn't want to stay there at all.  I got out of there because I was doing much better at the time and mom let me come back home with her.   What would I do?  I would talk to the neighbor.  Who knows you might be able to completely solve the situation by talking to him.  My neighbors were awful and always reporting me to the landlord because they wanted their age appropriate friends living next to them not a at the time someone in their 30s person living next to them but I did like after I moved out and I was talking to the landlord at the store and I asked her about those neighbors and she hated them just as much as I did.

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4 hours ago, user1492 said:

It's a get stuff done day....

Already cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom...

Pretty sure my neighbours are listening to John Lee Hooker....so far they haven't asked me to turn it down 😉

🙂 John Lee Hooker is awesome. Have you tried a white noise machine? I have military ptsd so I got myself one and I also have ear plugs. Especially useful on 4th of July, hear no evil 🙂

 

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11 hours ago, surfcaster said:

Can you talk to them about how loud they are or is that not on the table, i know i would have trouble

Well, thing is, technically they're not doing much wrong. It's just the fact that the walls are so thin, it's like they're in the room with me. I did knock after I knocked the wall at 6:30 am but no answer. I've kinda let the idea go a bit again now. I'm thinking that when I bump into them I'll maybe have a chat about it 🤔

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11 hours ago, Svenetc said:

I hope it gets better Nightjar ... this sounds like a terrible situation. Honestly I would not know how to handle it. But hopefully time will bring you peace and joy back into life. A new place to live, a new mini lion and more. It sounds pretty tough what you got going on now. So my best wishes and thoughts !

 

Ah, thanks Sventec. A new place and new mini lion sounds good.. Yep, living here has been really difficult. Getting out has been really tough too. I had a breakdown earlier this year trying to sell it in secret to spare myself from mom's rage 😬 I've finally managed to get her to agree to the sale now 😬 so that hurdle at least is done 😏

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11 hours ago, sober4life said:

Looking in the window? 

Yeah, we live on top of each other. I hate it. 

I'm glad you escaped sooner rather than later 🤗 My neighbours are younger than me, have more energy and each other to lean on... They aren't being harrassed here either or being threatened if they want to leave. 😬 The joy of having a narcissist as a parent lives on. 

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I am about to go to bed.  It is 5 am.  I have been sleeping on and off all day Monday.   A friend called and I listened to him for three hours and seven minutes then he got angry with me and ang up.  Aside from him losing his dad recently he gets paranoid from time to time.   

Have a good day everyone   🙂

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2 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Well, thing is, technically they're not doing much wrong. It's just the fact that the walls are so thin, it's like they're in the room with me. I did knock after I knocked the wall at 6:30 am but no answer. I've kinda let the idea go a bit again now. I'm thinking that when I bump into them I'll maybe have a chat about it 🤔

I've always had a fear of confronting neighbors about things and I don't think I even fear the confrontation.  The real fear is what if I talk to them and we get along and they'll want to be around me more often.🙀

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Hi peoples. Not much activity here today. Maybe folks are having a good day? 🤞

I finally got the ok to go ahead with selling up without family drama.... So I reckon I'll go for it this week, sign up out front and everything. Yikes 😬 But must stay positive. I gotta move on and this is the first step. At least I know the ropes this time 😉

Edited by Nightjar
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I was thinking of getting LANAP laser dental surgery.  It is so expensive but I don't know if I can handle a seven day liquid diet that is required after the surgery.  I have certain medical conditions and a seven day totally liquid diet wouldn't be that good for me.  Anything dental pretty much puts me in a panic and demoralizes me.  - sigh -

Hugs to all of you out there.

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6 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

I was thinking of getting LANAP laser dental surgery.  It is so expensive but I don't know if I can handle a seven day liquid diet that is required after the surgery.  I have certain medical conditions and a seven day totally liquid diet wouldn't be that good for me.  Anything dental pretty much puts me in a panic and demoralizes me.  - sigh -

Hugs to all of you out there.

It says you can have milkshakes and pudding on a liquid diet.  I would be tempted to eat nothing but those two things for the whole week if I did it.😏

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On 9/6/2021 at 3:40 PM, Svenetc said:

I am feeling sorry for you ! I am in the exact same boat.  Just mine went down in February 2020. Right now I just maintain instead of live life. So I just " sit it out " until I can improve things. I want to, yet my hands are tied and my "internal compass" tells me to wait and suppress any moves I am not ready to make.

Hope you find a happy thought to lift you up somewhat

Thanks. One day at a time is what I try to tell myself and here’s hoping one of these days will be brighter for all of us.

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