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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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50 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Putting everything off is what causes my manic episodes.  I have been trying to tackle a little at a time lately like I think most people do but it's the hardest thing ever.  My mind either wants to do nothing but sit and stare or everything today and nothing in between.  I'd love to know what it's like to be normal for just one day.

I have those days where the Tazmanian Devil takes over - i get so much done, but drive my body till it reminds me i'm old....then i crash and cant do anything, except feel guilty about not keeping up the pace I had...

As far as 'normal' i've decided there is no such thing!

Normal is the mask I wear for everyone else.

 

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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

Putting everything off is what causes my manic episodes.  I have been trying to tackle a little at a time lately like I think most people do but it's the hardest thing ever.  My mind either wants to do nothing but sit and stare or everything today and nothing in between.  I'd love to know what it's like to be normal for just one day.

Sober do you ever go manic because of stress just want to know I have nights where I can’t sleep but the next night I sleep but I don’t know why

Edited by cherryapplez2020
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12 hours ago, Nightjar said:

A bad night's sleep again last night. I'm really not doing well this year. I'm not giving up yet but I feel very stuck currently. Lack of sleep makes it hard to imagine making positive changes. I hope things improve soon 🙏🙏🙏

So sorry to hear.   Bad sleep is not good. 

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I finally managed to shower.  My previous shower was four days ago.   I am sick of life.  
I just wish it would end.   
 

my middle sister had her second vaccine yesterday and like the first she is sleeping all day.  She was up and about for an hour or so but she has been sleeping again fo five hours.  I begged her to have some juice.  I have the juice in a glass right next to her but she refuses.  I am sick of this.  She was spoiled by her dad.  As she gets older she will get worse. 
I am stressed out with all this BS. 

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I need to move to a far away country. I am sick of my sisters and the doctors who defend them!    Maybe Georgia will be a good place.   Georgia the country.   

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42 minutes ago, duck said:

Good morning Nightjar!   How are you this Sunday morning?    I am seven hours behind in Alberta, Canada.  😀

Ha! Morning Duck! 😁 Well,  I'm not too bad thanks. Bad sleep again though 😬 I knocked on the wall at 6:30 am coz my neighbours were noisy again.. My mother is buying a bed so that I can stay there if I want to and I'm going to speak to the neighbour today to see if we can sort something about the noise.

I don't want to stay with my mother but if I can't sleep, I might have to 🤷‍♀️ I'm just focusing on getting a shower this morning and then heading out for a walk this afternoon. 

How are you doing? 

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

Putting everything off is what causes my manic episodes.  I have been trying to tackle a little at a time lately like I think most people do but it's the hardest thing ever.  My mind either wants to do nothing but sit and stare or everything today and nothing in between.  I'd love to know what it's like to be normal for just one day.

I had to learn this one. I used to clean for days on end, rip up carpets or whatever and drag large furniture around the house by myself 🤔

I nearly killed myself one day by taking part of the glass door out of the oven to clean it and then turning the oven on. The inside of the glass door exploded and shattered everywhere, narrowly missing my head as I scrubbed the floor 😬

I think it was about this time that I realised I should slow down a bit 😉

Edited by Nightjar
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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

Ha! Morning Duck! 😁 Well,  I'm not too bad thanks. Bad sleep again though 😬 I knocked on the wall at 6:30 am coz my neighbours were noisy again.. My mother is buying a bed so that I can stay there if I want to and I'm going to speak to the neighbour today to see if we can sort something about the noise.

I don't want to stay with my mother but if I can't sleep, I might have to 🤷‍♀️ I'm just focusing on getting a shower this morning and then heading out for a walk this afternoon. 

How are you doing? 

Does your mother live far from you ? I hate noisy neighbours!    I am very stressed right now.   My sisters do not have common sense. 
I am looking at apartments for rent.   

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1 hour ago, Nightjar said:

I had to learn this one. I used to clean for days on end, rip up carpets or whatever and drag large furniture around the house by myself 🤔

I nearly killed myself one day by taking part of the glass door out of the oven to clean it and then turning the oven on. The inside of the glass door exploded and shattered everywhere, narrowly missing my head as I scrubbed the floor 😬

I think it was about this time that I realised I should slow down a bit 😉

Sorry to hear.   The glass door exploding could hurt you.   

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2 minutes ago, duck said:

Does your mother live far from you ? I hate noisy neighbours!    I am very stressed right now.   My sisters do not have common sense. 
I am looking at apartments for rent.   

She isn't far away. She drives me nuts but I need the basics - like sleep to be able to cope with life and do anything productive. 

I'm sorry that you are stressed too. Keep us posted on the living situation. I feel the same as you, desperate to escape coz I can't sleep!! 

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5 hours ago, cherryapplez2020 said:

Sober do you ever go manic because of stress just want to know I have nights where I can’t sleep but the next night I sleep but I don’t know why

Yes stress brings on manic episodes for me.  Nothing really helps me sleep if I have a lot of stress on my mind.

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I am updating our computers and watching tv.  I feel like going to McDonald's for a drink, fries, and a chicken burger.  It's 4:30 am.

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6 hours ago, Nightjar said:

I had to learn this one. I used to clean for days on end, rip up carpets or whatever and drag large furniture around the house by myself 🤔

I nearly killed myself one day by taking part of the glass door out of the oven to clean it and then turning the oven on. The inside of the glass door exploded and shattered everywhere, narrowly missing my head as I scrubbed the floor 😬

I think it was about this time that I realised I should slow down a bit 😉

The truth is I'm too hard on myself.  I have something in me that tells me if I can't convince myself I'm moving forward in life then I'm moving backward.  The truth is I'm what is considered very mentally ill and it's a miracle I've made it this far in any condition.  The stigma with schizophrenia is extremely insulting even the commercials of today make me want to punch them because they are still degrading us on the commercials even though they've come a long way.  I am sick and a lot of what I do is smoke and mirrors as they say a show but I never give up no matter how bad things get.

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On 8/28/2021 at 9:06 AM, sober4life said:

Does having an addictive personality my whole life mean everything addictive helps or does it mean nothing has helped so far and my whole life has been me searching for the first thing that helps?

Everything addictive "helps" me feel less awful - temporarily - the way that scratching an itch makes it feel better before making it worse. 

When a body is starving, it breaks down muscle if nothing else is available. I think addictions can be like that, a way to get relief and energy, one that has a high price but is there when all healthier resources have been used up.

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3 hours ago, juno_writes said:

Everything addictive "helps" me feel less awful - temporarily - the way that scratching an itch makes it feel better before making it worse. 

When a body is starving, it breaks down muscle if nothing else is available. I think addictions can be like that, a way to get relief and energy, one that has a high price but is there when all healthier resources have been used up.

I agree with your philosophy on that. Sometimes we are pretty much well, desperate for relief and I wouldn't deny anyone a bit of relief, myself included. I've said it here before but sometimes we gotta do 'whatever it takes' and I'm good with that..

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Seems like we're never going to get a handle on the SARS-CoVid.  I am afraid of going out even though I had both vaccination shots.  Several years ago I got the flu and it almost killed me and I had the flu vaccine.  Hard to keep my morale up these days.  Sending hugs to anyone of you who needs one. 

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13 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yes stress brings on manic episodes for me.  Nothing really helps me sleep if I have a lot of stress on my mind.

I am the cause of most of my stress....back myself into catch-22's and then work myself up trying to figure out the best way out

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4 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Seems like we're never going to get a handle on the SARS-CoVid.  I am afraid of going out even though I had both vaccination shots.  Several years ago I got the flu and it almost killed me and I had the flu vaccine.  Hard to keep my morale up these days.  Sending hugs to anyone of you who needs one. 

I've had both shots but still wear a mask whenever I go out, especially with the increase in the Delta variant. My brother keeps saying we don't need to wear a mask since we've had both shots - this bit of advice comes from a man who has been diagnosed with COPD in the last year.  

Thanks for the hugs, sure needed it.
 

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Seems I might've fallen into a conundrum I'm ill prepared to deal with.

The support needs support from me!

But I will not give up. I will not just disappear.


The saying "Help us, help you." can be interpreted in different ways. This time they're all valid.

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6 hours ago, Epictetus said:

Seems like we're never going to get a handle on the SARS-CoVid.  I am afraid of going out even though I had both vaccination shots.  Several years ago I got the flu and it almost killed me and I had the flu vaccine.  Hard to keep my morale up these days.  Sending hugs to anyone of you who needs one. 

Yes, it's disturbing that no one even knows exactly who's susceptible. It's not always those with weak immune systems or pre-existing conditions. There seem to be no straight answers.

Sadly, no one seems safe. Even those who beat it can suffer diminished lung function and the like, thanks to the scarring due to the virus ripping up cells. Or so I've read.

Best wishes to all. Stay safe...

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