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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Ah yes, the "hidden disability" situation. I have two that I know of...grinding depression and anxiety, and a genetic disorder that has some fun effects: ever decreasing lung capacity, kidney cancer, and bumps on the skin of my face and neck. I guess the bumps are visible but nobody I encounter knows they are a sign of something much deeper (it's how I got diagnosed in the first place). At first glance, I look like a reasonably healthy regular slob. Truthfully, I'm barely treading water. I fear a big wave is due to hit me and I'll go down for the last time.

It sounds like the genetic disorder you have may be doubly hidden, not visible and also not something everyone knows about? So less support... Of course, physical symptoms can increase the emotional ones and vice versa. That's a lot to be dealing with. "Grinding" is a word I've used to describe my own depression (and now, apparently, anxiety). If you're even treading water, I can see the effort it must take under the surface.

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23 hours ago, Nightjar said:

:hugs:nothing man. I hear you on all of that. The overwhelm. The fear or everything. Especially noise. I'm having similar issues because I live in a house with really thin walls and my sleep gets disturbed by my neighbours. I hate it. 

I experience isolation too and I think that this can be a great contributer to anxiety. 

I hope that the job helps you. Who knows, you may make friends there 🤷‍♀️ and being around people more in general may help your anxiety 🤔

Hi Nightjar, oh yeah, those thin walls 😕 I feel you.

Job is remote, so... I won't actually interact personally with people, which works fine for me since I "win" some time by not having to go to any office.

I feel a bit better today, my only friend in this city came by and we went for a walk. I took a look at some places to move, in the future. I've also got the result of the first exam of this season and got a 10 ("A" I guess), effort pays back, still doesn't fill the holes, but helps.

Did the meditation help you? Cheers, thanks for replying. 

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Woke up feeling grotty. I'm on day 8 of withdrawals. Still feeling crap 😬 Anyway, I'm not giving up with this. I've got a plan for today to get the house cleaned up a little bit. Also, gonna head down to the supermarket....

Meditation is next on the list to hopefully lift me up a bit so I can get some stuff done. I actually had a good day yesterday. Spent it with a family member, went to the movies and had dinner.. So that was positive 👏

Edited by Nightjar
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10 hours ago, Ixeua said:

I've been suffering from Long Haul COVID-19 from months. I am too tired. Sleep never makes me feel rested. I was asleep for 11 hours last night but my back is still in pain and I feel like I can barely sit up straight. 

Having the virus brought out the chronic pain for me.  It feels like arthritis or fibromyalgia.  I have some hope thinking it is long haul symptoms that will eventually go away.  It has to be that.  If this is permanent I'm in serious trouble!

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Back in lockdown again its disheartening but I've gotta keep reminding myself that its only temporary. It just sucks having to work from home again and change my work schedule and not be able to do the lab work I need yet again.

mental health is eh, guess ill be alright

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1 hour ago, Another Statistic said:

I'm in a discipline that's rife with plagiarism. I used to get annoyed but then one day I figured out it was kind of cool to create something that someone else thought was worth ripping off.

Well I'm glad she's famous.  She's come a long way.  I was very worried about her.  I didn't think she was even going to be able to get out of my yard that morning.  Now she has turned into an inspiration.  She healed from whatever her injury was and has a family now.❤️

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I feel okay today but I dread tomorrow. I'm scared because I feel like it might be a bad day or an unproductive one. I also feel kinda sad. I've been thinking about people in my past or present that I miss. It distracts me from thinking in the present which makes me even more unhappy. I try to bring myself back to the present and focus on what I'm doing but I constantly keep going back to it. It makes me feel lonely...and those people probably barely or never even think about me. I hope maybe one day I'll find friends or a lover to make me realize the present is better than the past. 

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3 hours ago, crewneck said:

I've been thinking about people in my past or present that I miss. It distracts me from thinking in the present which makes me even more unhappy.

You are right with that. I experience that every day. Always fall back into the past and think about it not realizing that I am in the present. But at the same token I can see that people and experiences from the past formed me and created that "today" for me alongside with me. I am kinda thankful - yet unhappy. I try to acknowledge today as today and my mind is already ahead in the future. I just have to find a way to help my mind and soul to find some positive anchor in that future. That is the tricky part so far for me. But here comes my past into play. Because some people I remember well from my past - they remembered me too and I thought they long forgot me. They are there and pushing me "up the hill" .... never thought that would happen - but they came out the woodwork when they noticed something was not right for me.  So basically past - present and future all belong together.  

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20 hours ago, sober4life said:

Having the virus brought out the chronic pain for me.  It feels like arthritis or fibromyalgia.  I have some hope thinking it is long haul symptoms that will eventually go away.  It has to be that.  If this is permanent I'm in serious trouble!

Dude, that doesn't sound great but you are so lucky to be able to move at all after having covid. Some people can hardly move a year later(!) You are made of some strong stuff! I'm so glad that it didn't take you away from us or make you seriously ill 👊

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11 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

You know why withdrawal is so hard? It's so that we remember to never, ever, go back to whatever crappy thing it was that we were addicted to.

#glasshalffull

Eh, fingers crossed 🤞 I've beaten this before and returned to it 😬 I did have ten years away from it.. Lately I've been getting a year here and there..... But, eh, it took me ten years to quit smoking. I was trying the whole time. Got there in the end 😁 I have 18 years back from that one 🏆

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Weirdly, the thing that helped me the most yesterday was vacuuming 😂 That's usually my least favourite activity but it felt like it helped put my mind in order along with the house. 

I told my ocd not to interfere with it and that I was allowed to do a crap job (I didn't) and it left me alone - during (not afterwards). I had a wail as I vacc'd mini's cat tree. I think it was cathartic. 

Feel slightly better today so I'm gonna try to get a good walk in and a couple of chores 👌

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I think I'm unhealthily obsessed with my ex even though I cut her off awhile ago and have been burying myself into other things.

She's still all I can think about and I'm so desperate to get her back it's not funny. I thought time was supposed to help with moving on, not make things worse, and I honestly don't know what to do. 

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I've never seen anything like today's weather.  This is the country.  There are a million different ways to get to town but the rain is so bad that I literally can't make it to town.  All the roads are too flooded to get there.

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6 hours ago, Nightjar said:

Eh, fingers crossed 🤞 I've beaten this before and returned to it 😬 I did have ten years away from it.. Lately I've been getting a year here and there..... But, eh, it took me ten years to quit smoking. I was trying the whole time. Got there in the end 😁 I have 18 years back from that one 🏆

If you can quit smoking you can quit anything.  I know you can do it.  I have faith in you.  I used to eat cereal every day.  I haven't eaten it all year not because of health reasons.  I got tired of the mascot disprespect on the commercials.  Every time I turned on the tv I saw a cereal commercial where the mascot for the cereal brand had a different voice.  I couldn't be a part of it anymore.  I've done a lot of things in my life but I couldn't live with myself anymore.  So I quit.

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On 8/16/2021 at 7:46 PM, Bbqdad said:

That does sound cool. You have that KIA Soul that gonna be hard sleeping upright in the drivers seat.

I can put the rear seats down but it's still snug back there. Wish I could have my old van back.

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On 8/18/2021 at 10:36 AM, sober4life said:

I've never seen anything like today's weather.  This is the country.  There are a million different ways to get to town but the rain is so bad that I literally can't make it to town.  All the roads are too flooded to get there.

As the atmosphere warms, it is able to hold more moisture and then dump it all at once. The tropics are moving northward at us. I've been wanting to escape to the Artic for decades now...but it's melting too.

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No ambition whatsoever. If I do something, I will screw it up. If I don't do anything, stuff will screw up on its own. I might as well not expend the energy because the result will always be the same.

Learned helplessness.

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Well my neighbour has just finished his singing session. It lasted an hour and now it's just gone.... Dead....nothing. His session also included loud video games he knows I can hear and stomping up and down the stairs.

It all started at 8pm and has just finished at 10:30. I'm sure his new neighbours on the other side think he's a complete asshole. And I'm beginning to think the same. 

At this point I think he's just trying to wind me up. I'll add him to the list 😐 I was trying so hard to have an early night. I'll admit I've been sending negative energy their way a little bit by making short bursts of noise in frustration and in trying to demonstrate how much their noise is bothering me. Also trying to drown it out..... 

Man, this has wound me up again. I can't cope with this s*it. 

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