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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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21 minutes ago, Nightjar said:

I hate this. It's prison. 

 

 

I’m getting stressed just reading this an imaging my phone message chiming with an urgent emergency.

24/7

that sucks. I feel for you.  Huggs.

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@NightjarI know how you feel.  I'll get a text saying help me right now no notice from him any time that's good for him.  Now that I need help with something and I'm done helping him I get excuses why he can't help.  It's that way all the time.  

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3 minutes ago, sober4life said:

@NightjarI know how you feel.  I'll get a text saying help me right now no notice from him any time that's good for him.  Now that I need help with something and I'm done helping him I get excuses why he can't help.  It's that way all the time.  

Ugh. It sucks, doesn't it. I appreciate you guys hearing me out as usual.. Thank you lovelies :hugs:

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I am definitely having manic symptoms:

-high creative highly productive

-tell stories to everyone who is interested.

-playing music and promoting songs

-highly agitated about work

just got to keep it together until I see doctor on Tuesday (5 days)

 

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I know I'm manic on days like today where I have to see everyone I know.  A lot of them don't see me for a good while and then all of a sudden I see them all usually ranting about something.  Then I hide again.  They probably think oh no the monster from the woods is back again.  Run for your lives!🙄

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On 8/5/2021 at 8:29 AM, ladysmurf said:

i want to believe that too but so many doctors i've seen are clueless as to why nothing works for me and others...and so many people i've met suffer by trying various medications and nothing works for them either, they just suffer and make it day by day..hoping that something will change, but will it? i know medicine and technology are always advancing but when will things ever truly change for us ?

My meds either aren’t working or need adjusting as I’m full manic mood.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know I'm manic on days like today where I have to see everyone I know.  A lot of them don't see me for a good while and then all of a sudden I see them all usually ranting about something.  Then I hide again.  They probably think oh no the monster from the woods is back again.  Run for your lives!🙄

To be honest I wish I had somebody like that come up to me and rant about things. 🙂

I think I was like this the whole of this year. Jumping in and out of existence. Annoying friends I haven't seen in person for months to decades. But some weren't as annoyed and that's all right.

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10 hours ago, Another Statistic said:

My psychologist asked me the most profound question about my mom. The question was "What would your life look like without your mom in it?"

I got grief and loneliness 🤔 What did you come up with? 🤔

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7 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

I am definitely having manic symptoms:

-high creative highly productive

-tell stories to everyone who is interested.

-playing music and promoting songs

-highly agitated about work

just got to keep it together until I see doctor on Tuesday (5 days)

 

Wishing you some peace soon ✌️

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9 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

My meds either aren’t working or need adjusting as I’m full manic mood.

I know what you're going through.  The thing about my mania is no matter what I'm doing it convinces me I'm doing the right thing.  I'm on a mission and I'm being productive.  Pretty much everyone would say to me this morning what the hell are you doing?  What was I doing?  Cutting up an old chain link fence with bolt cutters and putting it in zip lock bags and putting it in trash bags for the trash man.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I know what you're going through.  The thing about my mania is no matter what I'm doing it convinces me I'm doing the right thing.  I'm on a mission and I'm being productive.  Pretty much everyone would say to me this morning what the hell are you doing?  What was I doing?  Cutting up an old chain link fence with bolt cutters and putting it in zip lock bags and putting it in trash bags for the trash man.

I know what you mean about convincing your on the right mission. I got my oil in truck changed, doctors visit, laundry etc. lotsa energy. Right now it functioning symptoms. If it goes to psychosis then I start seeing and believing a different world view.

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I know what you're going through.  The thing about my mania

So do you have bipolar too.

I’m bipolar 1 with psychosis and ptsd

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2 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

So do you have bipolar too.

I’m bipolar 1 with psychosis and ptsd

The truth is I could very likely have the same diagnosis you have.  My official diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder.  If I had the diagnosis you have I could probably have all or most of the same symptoms you experience if you really think about it.🤔

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I called my support person again.
She came and talked to me... in quite heavy rain, under a tree.

Some people are truly made of steel. I cannot believe it! People like this exist!

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6 minutes ago, sober4life said:

The truth is I could very likely have the same diagnosis you have.  My official diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder.  If I had the diagnosis you have I could probably have all or most of the same symptoms you experience if you really think about it.🤔


google says:

“Schizoaffective disorder is a combination of symptoms of schizophrenia and mood disorder, such as depression or bipolar disorder. Symptoms may occur at the same time or at different times“

soooooo it sounds like your diagnosis has some mood disorders included.

right now I’m taking Abilify and Lamotragine but questioning based on current mania symptoms.

in any case you do know what I have been going through thanks for opening up.

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On 8/3/2021 at 10:29 AM, ladysmurf said:

has anyone forgotten what a normal human brain feels like?? like before this illness attacked you do you remember being happier ?? I've been dealing with this for decades since i was a teenager, but i try to think back to the years when i was a kid and i had no worries and life seemed much better, without this illness. i

I don't know what a normal brain is.  I have no happy memories from any point in my life. I have looked back on my life and see how bad my life really was.  Having studied early childhood development, I can see where my development stopped.  G-d only knows how I have made it this far.  And I don't know how much further I can go on.

 

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On 8/4/2021 at 12:34 PM, ladysmurf said:

Does anyone truly believe that we will ever find relief from this illness?

For me, I don’t believe so. My mental health issues go way back to childhood when I look back on it and I was not diagnosed clinically until well into adulthood. Had my issues been treated as a adolescent, I may have had a chance but at this point, all I can do is lessen the effects…I don’t think I will ever be at 100%. 

Also, I dislike immensely where I live…which is my hometown and the only place I have ever lived. Again, I know my issues won’t disappear totally but moving to a different locale would be benefical. Sadly, it just is not possible for a number of reasons and that is a hard pill for me to swallow.

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At this point, I should be used to being an “outsider”, as in being on the outside while everyone inside is having fun…but I am not. Especially not now on several levels. Summer weekends are full of friends and families gathering for parties, at the beach, the park, etc.. having fun and enjoying each other’s companies. And festivals and fairs around the area. Sucks watching other people experience all that and also knowing that even if you get to go somewhere, it won’t be anything like that…it will be different and full of issues and conditions.

Another thing which I am going to be vague on…my view on something is very much different from the majority. It already has caused me issues and likely will continue to do so.

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I've never had any fun doing any of the normal things.  I've tried so many times but for me it's more like oh no I have to go to a party or the beach or the park!  Hooray this is going to be great has never been attached to any of it.  It's always how the hell am I going to get through this?  Like a surprise birthday that's supposed to be fun?  It's my worst nightmare!

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On 8/2/2021 at 6:38 PM, JD4010 said:

Well, at least the weather is nice. Is there a possibility of you moving away from your sisters?

Correct!  I need to move as far as possible from them.  

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