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How do You Feel Right Now? #12


Lindsay

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I honestly think I'm getting fibromyalgia like mom had.  My pain isn't just in the joints.  It's in the muscles too.  I hurt everywhere.  Some days I wake up and don't know how I'm even going to be able to walk across the room that day.

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9 hours ago, JD4010 said:

My thoughts exactly...even if you own your own property and think you are free, just try not paying taxes on it and see what happens.

Indeed. In my area, owning even an average house "free and clear" means that you're "free and clear" to pay the government as much as renting an apartment. It's gotten insane. My only hope is that one day, Social Security will at least cover these costs, even if whatever money the government gives us goes straight back to the government.

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4 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

So if u screamed at your parents and slammed the door to your room, do u wonder what time would be a good time to get out of the room again? Sigh. 

As soon as you feel that slamming your door and screaming at your parents was the right thing to do. Just to make YOUR point. I never did that but it seems like a good chance to discuss issues to me.When the waves calmed some. Just my thinking

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9 hours ago, monicott17 said:

I am concerned about where things could be headed.

I know the feeling and the thoughts. But I also learned, that this is not helping. Matter fact it makes it worse. Trust me I still struggle with that. I always wonder what is going bad next. But I know I can't think like that. I have to learn to look outside that box. I would love to see positive thing ahead of my journey - but I do not. I have to make them happen and make them visible. Sometimes it is a struggle and I fall down that ladder again and sometimes I can see at least a glow of light. Just gotta keep going.

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1 hour ago, Svenetc said:

As soon as you feel that slamming your door and screaming at your parents was the right thing to do. Just to make YOUR point. I never did that but it seems like a good chance to discuss issues to me.When the waves calmed some. Just my thinking

Yea I know. I have anger management issues so just gotto let that out. Thanks for replying at least I’m being heard. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007
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5 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Indeed. In my area, owning even an average house "free and clear" means that you're "free and clear" to pay the government as much as renting an apartment. It's gotten insane. My only hope is that one day, Social Security will at least cover these costs, even if whatever money the government gives us goes straight back to the government.

That plus home owners insurance.  That's rent.  Have I known anyone that's even turned in claims to the insurance company?  No but we think we have to have it our whole lives.  What if I say I'm sick of this place and knock it down or burn it.  What will happen?  I'll go to jail.  This isn't my house.

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has anyone forgotten what a normal human brain feels like?? like before this illness attacked you do you remember being happier ?? I've been dealing with this for decades since i was a teenager, but i try to think back to the years when i was a kid and i had no worries and life seemed much better, without this illness. i wish i could go back...i wish i could relive some of those days because with the medical care that i receive it's almost impossible that i will ever feel some sense of normality, and that hurts so much to say it..but it's my reality, and many others too...i really hope that something changes for all of us struggling with this illness. im sorry that we all have to struggle and suffer with this terrible illness and the way it makes us feel, the way people look at us, some think we are unsafe and we are a danger to society, or some kind of weirdos. its hard to open up about feeling this way without being judged by some people.

i really do wish and hope that someday people will find relief...life can be beautiful but when you feel this way it certainly does rob you of many wonderful moments, and does not make life seem beautiful..i'm sorry to everyone who is dealing with this, but im proud of all of us who are continuing to fight and hope for a better future. no one has the right to judge us, unless they have lived through this illness that is what annoys me the most..

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Yeah I remember happy times.  I wish I could have a leap home like on Quantum Leap.  I guess 1994 was the last time any of this made any sense.  I could see all the people I loved again.  I was looking at an old picture of a family reunion well from probably about that time.  About half of the people in the picture are gone now.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yeah I remember happy times.  I wish I could have a leap home like on Quantum Leap.  I guess 1994 was the last time any of this made any sense.  I could see all the people I loved again.  I was looking at an old picture of a family reunion well from probably about that time.  About half of the people in the picture are gone now.

i forgot when the last time i was happy was too, and i've grown apart from many of my family members. many dont believe in this illness and made fun of me so that didn't help. i really hope for the best for all of us..

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10 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

has anyone forgotten what a normal human brain feels like?? like before this illness attacked you do you remember being happier

I have bipolar 1 and it started in my 20s. Before in high school I was happy most of the time. Good student, in a band, had a car got a girl all good things. No one ever thought I was going crazy. But when mania started I wouldn’t know how to shut my brain off or my mouth up. I blew through money started drinking booze at strip clubs and doing things so that Relationships were lost . I lived without meds for 20 years. Things got worse I thought I was a rockstar imbibing in sex, drugs and rock n roll. However I was hospitalized 3 years ago in 2018 and got diagnosed treatment and have been sober since that time. I have reconnected with my daughters and going to be a grandpa. I feel happy again. Today I came back to the DF so I can keep fighting and staying on my meds and stop being such a loner. I need this for nteraction and reminders. Today I feel happy like high school 1978.

one day. Today I feel this way. Yesterday not as much. 

Edited by Bbqdad
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On 8/2/2021 at 5:28 AM, Nightjar said:

When are we gonna get our commune up and running? 🤔

I'm gonna get me a brand new motor home 😁... 

Just have to get someone to drive it for me 😬😉😂

I can drive a motor home and bbq 🙃

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Yeah and motor homes can't be that expensive.  My neighbors haven't worked the whole 4 years I've been here and they always seem to have one over there.  Sure it's one they have to work on all the time and backfires everytime they start it like a gunshot but who cares it's a way out of this nightmare.  Maybe they'll sell me there motor home.🤔

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13 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

I have bipolar 1 and it started in my 20s. Before in high school I was happy most of the time. Good student, in a band, had a car got a girl all good things. No one ever thought I was going crazy. But when mania started I wouldn’t know how to shut my brain off or my mouth up. I blew through money started drinking booze at strip clubs and doing things so that Relationships were lost . I lived without meds for 20 years. Things got worse I thought I was a rockstar imbibing in sex, drugs and rock n roll. However I was hospitalized 3 years ago in 2018 and got diagnosed treatment and have been sober since that time. I have reconnected with my daughters and going to be a grandpa. I feel happy again. Today I came back to the DF so I can keep fighting and staying on my meds and stop being such a loner. I need this for nteraction and reminders. Today I feel happy like high school 1978.

one day. Today I feel this way. Yesterday not as much. 

i truly wish that for everyone, to feel happy and find some time of relief, but i don't think it's meant for me.

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No I'm probably too far gone.  On the one hand I think most parents would have put me away in the state mental hospital a long time ago but on the other hand it would amaze you some of the things you can tell a doctor when you have schizophrenia and they say ok see ya next week.

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6 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

i truly wish that for everyone, to feel happy and find some time of relief, but i don't think it's meant for me.

I maybe slightly manic. Staying up late reading DF and starting a blog. So happy may not be right.

i have also been depressed and wanting to die. So I hope you know I empathize with your feelings.

Bbqdad

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32 minutes ago, sober4life said:

No I'm probably too far gone.  On the one hand I think most parents would have put me away in the state mental hospital a long time ago but on the other hand it would amaze you some of the things you can tell a doctor when you have schizophrenia and they say ok see ya next week.

I gave my doctor a flyer to vote for me. He was amused and prescribed lithium 

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